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To say that getting up at 9.30 isn’t ridiculously late

(104 Posts)
RoseLillian Wed 08-Jul-20 23:47:56

So my Mum is arguing that I need to get up earlier and ‘fit in with my kids timetable’. I feel I am ‘fitting in with my kids timetable’. My kids are real night owls. They are both not good sleepers. Dd age 4 gave up her naps between 1 year and 18 months. I always thought I was doing something wrong with her and that is why she was impossible to get to sleep. Turns out when she started nursery at 1 they had the same issues. They are used to getting all types of kids to sleep and even they failed with her. Now at 4 she is hard work getting to go to sleep.

My youngest at 2 is still napping. She was also going to sleep at a reasonable time. However she has rarely slept through. Now she has decided she doesn’t want to sleep till around 10 on the days she has a nap. Then she still wakes up in the night. DH isn’t dealing with her in the night as I am still BF. Currently both of us WFH and on flexi hours. If one of DD’s gets up early he deals with them as I’ve had the disturbed sleep. I am still up by 9.30 at the latest. Mum seems to think I should get up when the earliest of the kids gets up despite there being no need for me to do so at the moment. What is there to be gained by me being tired. She would probably argue I should go to sleep earlier, but that means zero down time as my youngest is up till 10. When I need to I am upearlier, for example when I have meetings. Come September when my oldest is starting reception and my youngest is starting preschool we will all have to adjust, but then the clocks will change anyway. I really just don’t see her argument.

OP’s posts: |
Railingsohno Wed 08-Jul-20 23:50:28

Just ignore her. It’s none of her business. Just do what works for your family. Don’t share it with her! Once schools start you’ll be stuck with an early get up so make the most of it now I say! grin

Raella50 Wed 08-Jul-20 23:51:39

Well it is late to get up, especially when you have young children. However, as long as you and husband are happy it really is t your mother’s concern.

Floralnomad Wed 08-Jul-20 23:51:46

I would agree it’s not a problem for you at the moment but the clocks don’t change until October and I would start practicing for the school getting up / going to bed time at least 3/4 weeks before you actually need the children to be doing it for real .

topoftheshops Wed 08-Jul-20 23:51:55

Sorry to be blunt but what's it got to do with her? If it works for you, it works.

Railingsohno Wed 08-Jul-20 23:52:26

Ps you don’t need her approval. You’re a mother and a grown adult. Does she treat you like a child in other areas of your life?

Howdidweenduphere Wed 08-Jul-20 23:52:42

Do what suits you! There is no right or wrong, my kids are night owls just like my oh..they still get enough sleep we just get up later than other families I guess!

CyberNan Wed 08-Jul-20 23:54:22

don't tell her when you wake up...

OnlyFoolsnMothers Wed 08-Jul-20 23:54:36

I think it’s late, and personally find the idea of my 3year old up until my bedtime hideous! I know people who do this though, and they are happy. I do think the transition to school though for everyone in the family will be a huge adjustment, your child won’t just need to go to bed an hour earlier but hours earlier. Nothing worse than a tired child.

Smallsteps88 Wed 08-Jul-20 23:57:54

I don’t see why you need to be up if your husband is up with the Dc.

WhatKatyDidNxt Thu 09-Jul-20 00:05:25

Is she planning on coming round to help you? If not then why is she commenting so much?!
Different folks, different strokes. My own mother is confused by my partner and l being night owls but that’s just the way we are

FigureItOutNow Thu 09-Jul-20 00:10:05

None of her business to be honest!
Do what works for you.
My kids were the same as babies/toddlers and it was the perfect arrangement for us. They are night owls and are happy to stay up later - I don’t mind because it means I get time alone in the morning. I’m a night owl and need very little sleep - in bed for 1am and up at 8am. Some may call that an awful routine but it works perfectly for US and that’s all that matters. When it comes to school we just have a really tired first week back (has always been wed-fri) and by the following week they are back to sleeping between 8-9pm and up for 7am. That first week they are running in Adrenalin in the mornings because they are so excited to be back seeing friends, etc so the excitement gets them up. They are going to y4/5/6 and this has always been how we’ve done it. Whenever we’ve tried the getting them back to early nights it’s horrible for everyone as they just do the “I’m thirsty/need the loo/sore leg/head/finger” routine until the late bedtime they would have stayed up until anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think it’s a huge shame some posters are trying to tell you 9.30 wake up is late. My neighbours children (in lockdown and school holidays) stay up till about 11pm and sleep until 11am - parents stay up late until about 1am and wake up 10amish (they are self-employed so can do this). And guess what?! Children are happy and fine - no harm done!
And you don’t see us shaming families whose kids are in bed for 630/7pm waking up at 5/6am - which I think is absolute madness - so why should we be shamed?
It’s only bad if it’s negatively impacting your children or you, that’s my opinion anyway 🙂

Atthebottomofthegarden Thu 09-Jul-20 00:10:39

If it works for you, ignore her.

When DD was tiny, I aimed for a sleep of 10pm-10am rather than the more traditional 7-7. It worked well, most of the time - DH saw much more of her (and so helped with her more), and I went to bed at the same time as she did and caught up on zzs from the broken nights in the morning. No down time for me really, but it was only for a few months.

LemonadeAndDaisyChains Thu 09-Jul-20 00:21:58

Currently both of us WFH and on flexi hours. If one of DD’s gets up early he deals with them as I’ve had the disturbed sleep. I am still up by 9.30 at the latest. Mum seems to think I should get up when the earliest of the kids gets up despite there being no need for me to do so at the moment

What?
So your dd who is up earlier has DH getting up and seeing to her, am I reading that correctly?
If so, why do you have to get out of bed too if it's you who's been up during the night?
I could see the point if more if letting roam around unattended while you both still slept!
Why does she think you have to be up too?

jessstan2 Thu 09-Jul-20 00:24:22

You get up when you feel like it and don't worry about what anyone says. 0930 sounds civilised to me when kids aren't going to school and you not to work. 1100 is even better :-).

ArgumentativeAardvaark Thu 09-Jul-20 00:26:33

Stop telling her. It’s none of her business.

cakeandchampagne Thu 09-Jul-20 00:26:42

She already raised her children and ran her household. This is all yours. Find something else to talk about with her.

RoseLillian Thu 09-Jul-20 00:27:29

Thanks, I appreciate it is late for my 2 year old to be up, but it’s been a recent thing. She was always good at going to sleep. I think with her it is the transition between not needing a nap and being too tired to last the day without one. My oldest has always been a pain when going to sleep. That said prior to lockdown we managed fine with both kids in nursery and is going to work. Right now is a particular bad phase with my youngest. We definitely will start to adjust coming up to starting school. When I say my husband gets up early it is generally 7.30 at the earliest.

I would not tell my Mum about what time I get up, but currently living with her. We are in between selling and buying a house. The person we were buying off was messing us about and we had to pull out. We couldn’t risk pulling out of the sale of ours as we would have lost our buyer. We had no choice but to move in with my Mum. Don’t get me wrong I know she is doing us a huge favour, but then we are moving areas so she is not alone. But it really was a last resort for us to move in with my Mum. She is the most critical person I know. I am now late 30’s and haven’t lived here since I was 18 (for a reason). And yes she does still treat me like a child despite coping quite well for the last 20 plus years. She actually was telling me how to cook an egg and how to hang out washing the other day. I could go on, but I won’t.

OP’s posts: |
WaxOnFeckOff Thu 09-Jul-20 00:29:30

it's becasue you are a lazy cow OP, how can you expect that a man deal with a child in the morning? haven't you heard that only women can care for a child?

On the other hand, enjoy it while you can.

RoseLillian Thu 09-Jul-20 00:30:31

Thanks all. I really should go to bed now. Strangely her criticism has kept me up later. Which doesn’t help!

OP’s posts: |
WaxOnFeckOff Thu 09-Jul-20 00:31:41

Seen the update - why isn't she dealing with the children so you and DH can have a sleep in?.... grin Suggest this next time.

IdblowJonSnow Thu 09-Jul-20 00:31:51

Yanbu.
We are all night owls/crap sleepers so sleep in when we can. Mine will sleep in til 10 on a wkend. We dont get much of an evening and its the same when its school/work routine. They still go to sleep late despite going to bed in good time, having a story etc...
I know some people are sniffy about it but I agree, why be tired for the sake of it?

WaxOnFeckOff Thu 09-Jul-20 00:32:52

Nite OP, I start work at 7.30am but can't sleep til around 2 or 3 (sometimes 4!) am.

minielise Thu 09-Jul-20 00:55:18

There’s still the same amount of hours in a day so I can’t see why it matters!

undercoveraessedai Thu 09-Jul-20 01:12:11

The older generation in my family are completely obsessed with early rising - I am a night owl and I'm sure they think I'm lazy for getting up at 11 and starting work after lunch, but they all go to bed about 9pm and I often work through till 2-3am.

Appreciate it's harder while living with your Mum but you are well within your rights to tell her that you're perfectly capable of choosing your and your children's hours!

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