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AIBU?

It's her money but should there be restrictions

140 replies

moolady1977 · 08/07/2020 23:20

My three DC have been left a rather big lump sum of money when they reach 21 and it has just come to light there is another lump sum for them but it's not been mentioned in the will ,now my DD wants to use some as a deposit and rent for a private rented house and for driving lessons a car and stuff for the baby she is expecting ,the youngest D's wants to get a bike license and get a bike and his bike test done . I don't have any problems with this but the DC's father is kicking off saying they shouldn't waste it they should bank it for when they are older but on my eyes it's stuff they need now and neither of us have the money to give them . I'm just asking for opinions really on what you would do in this situation

OP posts:

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Am I being unreasonable?

209 votes. Final results.

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You are being unreasonable

17%

You are NOT being unreasonable

83%

ArriettyJones · 08/07/2020 23:22

Who left them the bequest? How old are they? What are the legal conditions?

Purpletigers · 08/07/2020 23:22

Depends how much tbh . Is it enough for a house deposit ?

DoTheNextRightThing · 08/07/2020 23:25

I can't see how renting a house, getting driving lessons and a car, and preparing for a baby is wasting money??

The bike license is maybe less essential, but if that's how your DC is planning to get around then it's no different to a car.

I think these are very sensible ways to spend money. It's better than just spending it on random stuff like clothes or booze.

corlan · 08/07/2020 23:30

But there's nothing you can do if they're 21 when they inherit.

Destroyedpeople · 08/07/2020 23:30

They sound very sensible. Hardly 'wasting' money to spend it on the things you have outlined. Wasting it would be going on a'massive bender or world tour.

RB68 · 08/07/2020 23:33

they are 21 not 17 - not alot in years but a world in control - its not about them being allowed to do things this money is theirs to do as they please. You can advise but ranting and raving isn't going to change things

Purpletigers · 08/07/2020 23:34

How old is the pregnant daughter? Would it make more sense for her to save to buy her own property instead of throwing money away on rent ?

Lalala205 · 08/07/2020 23:39

Are they 21 yet? Can the money be accessed earlier?

bridgetreilly · 08/07/2020 23:43

If your DD is expecting a baby, she's definitely old enough to be spending money on a place to live and driving lessons.

Tapio · 08/07/2020 23:47

I received a large sum of money when I was about 20 and it was truly wasted on things I ‘needed’. I’m now 25 and desperately scraping a house deposit together, I wish to god it hadn’t been spent and looking back I wish someone had delayed me getting it or controlled how it was spent. I wouldn’t have at the time though!

HeddaGarbled · 08/07/2020 23:48

Are they over 21?

If so, I wouldn’t bother having the argument, as both your and their father’s opinions are irrelevant.

CyberNan · 08/07/2020 23:49

my nephew inherited a large sum of money when he was 18... it completely fucked up his life for him. for three years he sat on his bed eating pizza and getting stoned. his mum didn't help him by getting financial advice but she did help him spend the money.. so three years later he is used to easy spending and hasn't worked a day. then he ran out of money and had to start looking for a job but he had no skills and no experience and employers want to know what he has been doing for the last three years...

anyway... if it were me, I would suggest they be allowed to spend (not squander) an agreed amount and invest the rest until they know what they want to do with it.

GabsAlot · 08/07/2020 23:58

prob would be better for a house deposit but if its not viable i dont see why not-anything to make her and babys life easier

Itwasntme1 · 09/07/2020 00:00

Your post isn’t very clear.

Are the children under 21, and have they just found out there is more money that they can access now?

Does their dad have any legal rights over them or how they spend the money?

When you say large amount, is it tens of thousands or hundred of thousands?

What age are they?

Difficult to advise without knowing the full picture.

canigooutyet · 09/07/2020 00:03

Are the under 21?

This extra money that was stuffed somewhere, will it come and bite people in their arses?

Lalala205 · 09/07/2020 00:03

Is Dd whose pregnant also working? If not then she'll probably be eligible for housing benefit, but will still need to fund the deposit for a rental. Is she even in the position to get a mortgage currently? Funding driving isn't a waste, as the money 'saved' would still be used for public transport anyway.

HappyBumbleBee · 09/07/2020 00:13

If they have an amount now and then an amount when they turn 21 then I would let them use this money now - it sounds as though they are being pretty sensible with it tbh

lyralalala · 09/07/2020 00:20

It doesn't really matter what you or he think if it is their money and they are of the age that they can access it

How old are they now? Who has control of the sum that's not mentioned in the will?

Driving lessons and a home isn't a waste of money for soeone who is pregnant

SheikhaPinty · 09/07/2020 00:24

What is this “lump sum” that is not in the Will but which they have inherited? Who gave it to them and how did it come to light?

SarahBellam · 09/07/2020 00:27

If they’re 21 it doesn’t matter what you or your DH think. They’re adults and it’s their Mooney.

jessstan2 · 09/07/2020 00:30

The things you have mentioned that your children want, sound like reasonable, sensible spends. Presumably they will be allowed to access some of the money for good purposes before they are twenty one, that's usual when money is held in trust.

PlanDeRaccordement · 09/07/2020 00:39

I don’t see what the problem is?
It’s their money to do with as they wish. You can give your advice, their father can give his advice. The advice doesn’t have to be the same from you and their father. Nor do the DCs have to listen to either of you.

So, no there shouldn’t be restrictions because it’s not your money or his money, it’s the DCs’ money.

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FortunesFave · 09/07/2020 00:45

I'd be cautious....if it's a LOT of money then I'd definitely be guiding them towards buying a house.

If Dd is expecting a baby, she needs to think of the future and I'd be saving for a deposit on a house I could buy. Not wasting money on rent.

SheikhaPinty · 09/07/2020 00:46

Not sure where posters are getting the idea the dc are 21, the OP doesn’t say that at all infact it’s unclear where the second lump sum has appeared from which is what the DD wants spend. If it’s not in the will, how have they inherited it or is it from a different relative?

SheikhaPinty · 09/07/2020 00:48

I also agree with @FortunesFave that it would be wise to not spend the money on ‘rent’. How was she planning on funding these things BEFORE she came into money? Rent normally is paid from people’s wages not inheritance money.

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