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AIBU?

To feel so fed up people feel sorry for me I only have boys?

223 replies

Isit2021yetplease · 08/07/2020 19:55

Just that really - I’ve got two DS. They are amazing - and completely chalk and cheese from each other. Whether I wanted girls or not is irrelevant- the fact is I have 2 amazing boys and you get what you get!
I’ve had so many passing comments from people with things like “I’d be so dissapointed not to Have a daughter” “so you’re going for number 3 to finally get a girl?” “How did you feel when the second was a boy?”
I don’t know what they hope to gain from it - that I’ll say - yes I’m gutted I don’t have a girl? Thanks for bringing it up?
If I was hoping for a girl all they do is reenforce the disappointment, and it I wasn’t hoping for a girl I don’t see why I have to constantly justify why I’m perfectly happy with my two happy healthy children.

Just needed a rant after a conversation with a friend today (when musing on a 3rd said - oh but would it be worth the risk, what if you got another boy?)
Does anyone else get this?

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PablosHoney · 08/07/2020 19:57

Three boys would be just as lovely as 3 girls or a mixture, they’re all different, people don’t half talk tripe.

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BankofNook · 08/07/2020 20:00

I think people feel like they have to say something rather than nothing in a half-arsed attempt at being conversational and most of them don't realise how crashingly rude they're being.

I have a mix of boys and girls, I get told all the time how lucky I am to have both and I've been told I was clever to have both. Clever! Like I had anything to do with it Hmm

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springlike · 08/07/2020 20:00

I have 2 DSs. Very happy with my lot and do not feel I've missed out. Some people should keep their opinions to themselves! Hmm

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BerriesAndLeaves · 08/07/2020 20:01

Does anyone else get this? Yes. I have 2 girls and when the younger one was a baby an elderly man at the garden centre asked if she was a boy or girl i said girl and he said "Never mind you might have a boy next time" I found it funny as it was so tactless

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Thehop · 08/07/2020 20:02

God yes. The sympathy I got when I announced son 3 made me bloody furious. People are twats.

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Roomba · 08/07/2020 20:03

My mother often laments that, while my sons are lovely, isn't it a shame that I don't have a daughter to do 'girly' things like shopping with? I had to tell her to stop it - I'm not particularly interested in traditional 'girly' stuff anyway, and my sons enjoy plenty of things that I do - some of which are traditionally 'feminine' hobbies and some not. So I've no idea what she thinks I'm missing out on!

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ToddlerBumpBorderCollie · 08/07/2020 20:04

I’d love three boys Smile but if this next one is a little girl I will be over the moon but stop. I had a horrid relationship with my sister growing up and never wanted more than one girl as a result. Everyone has their ideal. .

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Delbelleber · 08/07/2020 20:04

People are mad Confused I get told all the time that I'm lucky to have both. I wouldn't have been bothered either way!

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GrumpyHoonMain · 08/07/2020 20:04

People do say it more for boys in western countries, I think - probably because mothers of daughters tend to play a bigger part in their grandchildren’s lives than mothers of sons.

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Marlena1 · 08/07/2020 20:05

I have two DDs and get it the other way around. Or "your DP must want a boy". Eh nope, didn't care either way either time. Drives me bonkers. Or people who say "got one of each so didn't need to go again".

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OhioOhioOhio · 08/07/2020 20:06

Yep. I get this. They've no idea how much I love them.

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DidgeDoolittle · 08/07/2020 20:08

I have 3 boys. The sympathetic looks and awful comments I received when number 3 was born, sent me over the edge into depression. I felt a terrible failure even though I loved my babies to bits.
My mil was the worst critic. She told me I should get it right next time and have a girl. When you've just had a baby, are hormonal and knackered, it's so upsetting.
I started to dread taking them out in case I got comments.
At the time I knew two other mums with 3 boys. All of us got the same comments and sympathetic looks.
People really need to button it and stop with the looks and comments.

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Moofart · 08/07/2020 20:08

I've experienced this too. I'm currently pregnant with my third boy. I haven't told everyone the sex yet but did tell a relative who said 'aww nevermind!' I was really shocked! A handful of people (after I told them I was keeping the sex a surprise for everyone) have said 'I know it's definitely a girl because you're smiling' as if I wouldn't be happy with a boy. I'm not sure I will be able to bite my tongue if anyone says anything else. Boys are just wonderful!

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mistermagpie · 08/07/2020 20:10

I've got two boys and never really had any of this to be honest. In fact, I can't ever remember anyone commenting on it at all.

And then I got pregnant with my third baby and suddenly everyone was assuming we had done it to 'try for a girl'. Almost every midwife commented that they were hoping I would 'get my girl' and loads of people asked me if I would be disappointed' with another boy.

The thing was, deep down, I wanted another boy. I'm estranged from my mother and just wasn't sure how I would be with a daughter of my own.

Of course, she was a girl!! Luckily for me she is utter perfection and I was being ridiculous in not wanting a daughter. But still everyone continues to comment on how lucky I was to 'finally' get a girl.

It gives me the rage about my second son really, as if people think one boy is alright but two?!?? What a disaster. When I'm actual fact I was over the moon with him when I found out he was a boy and still am. It's a horrible weird bias.

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mistermagpie · 08/07/2020 20:11

I've got two boys and never really had any of this to be honest. In fact, I can't ever remember anyone commenting on it at all.

And then I got pregnant with my third baby and suddenly everyone was assuming we had done it to 'try for a girl'. Almost every midwife commented that they were hoping I would 'get my girl' and loads of people asked me if I would be disappointed' with another boy.

The thing was, deep down, I wanted another boy. I'm estranged from my mother and just wasn't sure how I would be with a daughter of my own.

Of course, she was a girl!! Luckily for me she is utter perfection and I was being ridiculous in not wanting a daughter. But still everyone continues to comment on how lucky I was to 'finally' get a girl.

It gives me the rage about my second son really, as if people think one boy is alright but two?!?? What a disaster. When I'm actual fact I was over the moon with him when I found out he was a boy and still am. It's a horrible weird bias.

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KingofDinobots · 08/07/2020 20:11

Yes constantly. It seems to be assumed that having boys is worse than having girls. A lot of people have asked me if we’re going to “try for a girl”, then comment that it’s a big risk as we might (oh no!) get another boy.

I’m always a bit bemused by it. We wanted children, we have two boys, they’re lovely, it’s all good.

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mistermagpie · 08/07/2020 20:11

Sorry, posted twice!

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seething1234 · 08/07/2020 20:11

I have 4 boys - I get the impression that people think I was trying for a girl and we weren't, but no one has outright said "oh I bet your hoping for a girl". But I totally love having a house of boys

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crazyotterlady · 08/07/2020 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cptartapp · 08/07/2020 20:12

My DM was 'gutted' to have a second healthy grandson. I never forgave her for that. My SIL then gave her a third.
Now my DS are 17 and 15 and what time has taught me is that for us, having two of the same gender has been absolutely the best outcome.

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TheOrigBrave · 08/07/2020 20:14

I have 2 DS and don't think I've ever had such a comment. If anything it's me who raises the sometimes wistful thoughts of how lovely it would be to have an adult daughter. My older son is 21 and I have friends who have DDs his age and I see how some of them have that adult female relationship that's very different to the one I have with my son; more shared interests in books and films, and just that chatty thing. But I have nieces who are late teens so I do have family to share those things. It really is just a fleeting thing.

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PleasePassTheCoffeeThanks · 08/07/2020 20:15

I imagine they are projecting. A friend of mine is pregnant and just told me it is a 3rd boy. I tried my best to look happy for her, congratulate her etc but as someone who always wanted a girl I couldn’t help but feel bad for her. To be clear, I didn’t make any negative comment, told her how her three would end up best friends and I was so happy for her. But I can’t help how I felt, and I think a lot of people feel similarly.

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PoppityBoo · 08/07/2020 20:16

Same comments occasionally here about having two girls. Surely my husband can’t be happy not having a son?!! Erm yes actually, he’s fine with it!

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AhBallix · 08/07/2020 20:16

Does your friend have children? Before I had my two, I can remember thinking in a similar way about boys - ridiculous I know. Yes, healthy babies were more important, but a girl seemed like the ultimate prize. When I got pregnant, I found out I was expecting a boy and it was a shock, because of course I was having a girl. But I completely forgot about wanting a girl within seconds and adjusted to the fact that I was indeed having a boy. Then, when I got pregnant again, I actually wanted a boy! And I did have another boy.

I honestly feel like a prize idiot for thinking the way I did then. Now that I have my children, the idea of a girl or boy being a better option for anyone wouldn't even enter my head.

I regret those 'Oh you must have your hands full' comments I made to friends who had boys. No wonder they just looked at me blankly.

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phoenixrosehere · 08/07/2020 20:17

It happens when you have all of the same gender. If you have one of both and you decide to have a third then you get told why would you want another? Have one child.. Are you going to give them a sibling?

People say stupid s**t all the time regardless, ignore it.

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