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To feel so fed up people feel sorry for me I only have boys?

(224 Posts)
Isit2021yetplease Wed 08-Jul-20 19:55:00

Just that really - I’ve got two DS. They are amazing - and completely chalk and cheese from each other. Whether I wanted girls or not is irrelevant- the fact is I have 2 amazing boys and you get what you get!
I’ve had so many passing comments from people with things like “I’d be so dissapointed not to Have a daughter” “so you’re going for number 3 to finally get a girl?” “How did you feel when the second was a boy?”
I don’t know what they hope to gain from it - that I’ll say - yes I’m gutted I don’t have a girl? Thanks for bringing it up?
If I was hoping for a girl all they do is reenforce the disappointment, and it I wasn’t hoping for a girl I don’t see why I have to constantly justify why I’m perfectly happy with my two happy healthy children.

Just needed a rant after a conversation with a friend today (when musing on a 3rd said - oh but would it be worth the risk, what if you got another boy?)
Does anyone else get this?

OP’s posts: |
PablosHoney Wed 08-Jul-20 19:57:53

Three boys would be just as lovely as 3 girls or a mixture, they’re all different, people don’t half talk tripe.

BankofNook Wed 08-Jul-20 20:00:20

I think people feel like they have to say something rather than nothing in a half-arsed attempt at being conversational and most of them don't realise how crashingly rude they're being.

I have a mix of boys and girls, I get told all the time how lucky I am to have both and I've been told I was clever to have both. Clever! Like I had anything to do with it hmm

springlike Wed 08-Jul-20 20:00:28

I have 2 DSs. Very happy with my lot and do not feel I've missed out. Some people should keep their opinions to themselves! hmm

BerriesAndLeaves Wed 08-Jul-20 20:01:24

Does anyone else get this? Yes. I have 2 girls and when the younger one was a baby an elderly man at the garden centre asked if she was a boy or girl i said girl and he said "Never mind you might have a boy next time" I found it funny as it was so tactless

Thehop Wed 08-Jul-20 20:02:27

God yes. The sympathy I got when I announced son 3 made me bloody furious. People are twats.

Roomba Wed 08-Jul-20 20:03:35

My mother often laments that, while my sons are lovely, isn't it a shame that I don't have a daughter to do 'girly' things like shopping with? I had to tell her to stop it - I'm not particularly interested in traditional 'girly' stuff anyway, and my sons enjoy plenty of things that I do - some of which are traditionally 'feminine' hobbies and some not. So I've no idea what she thinks I'm missing out on!

ToddlerBumpBorderCollie Wed 08-Jul-20 20:04:35

I’d love three boys smile but if this next one is a little girl I will be over the moon but stop. I had a horrid relationship with my sister growing up and never wanted more than one girl as a result. Everyone has their ideal. .

Delbelleber Wed 08-Jul-20 20:04:41

People are mad confused I get told all the time that I'm lucky to have both. I wouldn't have been bothered either way!

GrumpyHoonMain Wed 08-Jul-20 20:04:43

People do say it more for boys in western countries, I think - probably because mothers of daughters tend to play a bigger part in their grandchildren’s lives than mothers of sons.

Marlena1 Wed 08-Jul-20 20:05:06

I have two DDs and get it the other way around. Or "your DP must want a boy". Eh nope, didn't care either way either time. Drives me bonkers. Or people who say "got one of each so didn't need to go again".

OhioOhioOhio Wed 08-Jul-20 20:06:48

Yep. I get this. They've no idea how much I love them.

DidgeDoolittle Wed 08-Jul-20 20:08:18

I have 3 boys. The sympathetic looks and awful comments I received when number 3 was born, sent me over the edge into depression. I felt a terrible failure even though I loved my babies to bits.
My mil was the worst critic. She told me I should get it right next time and have a girl. When you've just had a baby, are hormonal and knackered, it's so upsetting.
I started to dread taking them out in case I got comments.
At the time I knew two other mums with 3 boys. All of us got the same comments and sympathetic looks.
People really need to button it and stop with the looks and comments.

Moofart Wed 08-Jul-20 20:08:57

I've experienced this too. I'm currently pregnant with my third boy. I haven't told everyone the sex yet but did tell a relative who said 'aww nevermind!' I was really shocked! A handful of people (after I told them I was keeping the sex a surprise for everyone) have said 'I know it's definitely a girl because you're smiling' as if I wouldn't be happy with a boy. I'm not sure I will be able to bite my tongue if anyone says anything else. Boys are just wonderful!

mistermagpie Wed 08-Jul-20 20:10:55

I've got two boys and never really had any of this to be honest. In fact, I can't ever remember anyone commenting on it at all.

And then I got pregnant with my third baby and suddenly everyone was assuming we had done it to 'try for a girl'. Almost every midwife commented that they were hoping I would 'get my girl' and loads of people asked me if I would be disappointed' with another boy.

The thing was, deep down, I wanted another boy. I'm estranged from my mother and just wasn't sure how I would be with a daughter of my own.

Of course, she was a girl!! Luckily for me she is utter perfection and I was being ridiculous in not wanting a daughter. But still everyone continues to comment on how lucky I was to 'finally' get a girl.

It gives me the rage about my second son really, as if people think one boy is alright but two?!?? What a disaster. When I'm actual fact I was over the moon with him when I found out he was a boy and still am. It's a horrible weird bias.

mistermagpie Wed 08-Jul-20 20:11:06

I've got two boys and never really had any of this to be honest. In fact, I can't ever remember anyone commenting on it at all.

And then I got pregnant with my third baby and suddenly everyone was assuming we had done it to 'try for a girl'. Almost every midwife commented that they were hoping I would 'get my girl' and loads of people asked me if I would be disappointed' with another boy.

The thing was, deep down, I wanted another boy. I'm estranged from my mother and just wasn't sure how I would be with a daughter of my own.

Of course, she was a girl!! Luckily for me she is utter perfection and I was being ridiculous in not wanting a daughter. But still everyone continues to comment on how lucky I was to 'finally' get a girl.

It gives me the rage about my second son really, as if people think one boy is alright but two?!?? What a disaster. When I'm actual fact I was over the moon with him when I found out he was a boy and still am. It's a horrible weird bias.

KingofDinobots Wed 08-Jul-20 20:11:31

Yes constantly. It seems to be assumed that having boys is worse than having girls. A lot of people have asked me if we’re going to “try for a girl”, then comment that it’s a big risk as we might (oh no!) get another boy.

I’m always a bit bemused by it. We wanted children, we have two boys, they’re lovely, it’s all good.

mistermagpie Wed 08-Jul-20 20:11:34

Sorry, posted twice!

seething1234 Wed 08-Jul-20 20:11:37

I have 4 boys - I get the impression that people think I was trying for a girl and we weren't, but no one has outright said "oh I bet your hoping for a girl". But I totally love having a house of boys

crazyotterlady Wed 08-Jul-20 20:11:47

People saying stupid things about babies and people’s reproductive choices without thinking. I’m the youngest of 6 girls and I get asked all the time if my parents were trying for a boy. Umm so that makes me their 6th disappointment does it?!
I have a DS and would be delighted to have either another healthy boy or girl, I can’t imagine ever being disappointed with what I get next!

cptartapp Wed 08-Jul-20 20:12:56

My DM was 'gutted' to have a second healthy grandson. I never forgave her for that. My SIL then gave her a third.
Now my DS are 17 and 15 and what time has taught me is that for us, having two of the same gender has been absolutely the best outcome.

TheOrigBrave Wed 08-Jul-20 20:14:40

I have 2 DS and don't think I've ever had such a comment. If anything it's me who raises the sometimes wistful thoughts of how lovely it would be to have an adult daughter. My older son is 21 and I have friends who have DDs his age and I see how some of them have that adult female relationship that's very different to the one I have with my son; more shared interests in books and films, and just that chatty thing. But I have nieces who are late teens so I do have family to share those things. It really is just a fleeting thing.

PleasePassTheCoffeeThanks Wed 08-Jul-20 20:15:06

I imagine they are projecting. A friend of mine is pregnant and just told me it is a 3rd boy. I tried my best to look happy for her, congratulate her etc but as someone who always wanted a girl I couldn’t help but feel bad for her. To be clear, I didn’t make any negative comment, told her how her three would end up best friends and I was so happy for her. But I can’t help how I felt, and I think a lot of people feel similarly.

PoppityBoo Wed 08-Jul-20 20:16:58

Same comments occasionally here about having two girls. Surely my husband can’t be happy not having a son?!! Erm yes actually, he’s fine with it!

AhBallix Wed 08-Jul-20 20:16:58

Does your friend have children? Before I had my two, I can remember thinking in a similar way about boys - ridiculous I know. Yes, healthy babies were more important, but a girl seemed like the ultimate prize. When I got pregnant, I found out I was expecting a boy and it was a shock, because of course I was having a girl. But I completely forgot about wanting a girl within seconds and adjusted to the fact that I was indeed having a boy. Then, when I got pregnant again, I actually wanted a boy! And I did have another boy.

I honestly feel like a prize idiot for thinking the way I did then. Now that I have my children, the idea of a girl or boy being a better option for anyone wouldn't even enter my head.

I regret those 'Oh you must have your hands full' comments I made to friends who had boys. No wonder they just looked at me blankly.

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