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to expect PIL's to tell me if they take DS out for the day?

(17 Posts)
chocbutton Thu 27-Sep-07 19:08:21

He is just 9 months and I have just gone back to work. They are looking after him which is wonderful and so helpful to us, so I feel mean even writing this. But today, I phoned up (as usual) to check on DS and no one was in. Tried again later, still no one. Thinking this was odd as it was past his lucnhtime by now, but still no answer. Got home to find they had just got back from lovely day out. DS had lovely time, but I just felt awful that they hadn't told me - I didn't even wnat them to ask, just say "we are going on a day out etc" would have been ok. Thye have his car seat so I knew they'd ahve days out, but this is the first time. He hasn't been anywhere without me (ever) apart from their house. Rational part of me says get over it, they are doing you a big favour looking after him, but non rational part is upset. AIBU???

vacua Thu 27-Sep-07 19:10:07

I think 'get over it, they are doing you a big favour' but ((( hugs ))) anyway, it's a difficult time, going back to work x

vacua Thu 27-Sep-07 19:11:19

You could ask them to keep a mobile phone switched on or something for when you get withdrawal symptoms and want to say hello to him.

unknownrebelbang Thu 27-Sep-07 19:11:47

YABU, understandable though.


Alambil Thu 27-Sep-07 19:13:27

YAB a teeny bit U to expect a running commentary of their plans; it may have been a spur of the moment decision for them but I can totally see why you feel this way

Going back to work is hard, missing out on the "first" day out type stuff makes it harder...

WigWamBam Thu 27-Sep-07 19:15:17

I think it's lovely that they wanted to take him out, to be honest. When you leave your child with grandparents, isn't that what you expect them to do - the sorts of things that you would do with them yourself?

I suspect this is actually more about your feelings at having to leave him than it is about them taking him out for the day - and that's understandable. But be grateful that they are caring and involved enough to want to take him out rather than bunging him in front of CBeebies all day.

Get them a mobile, that way you will always be able to talk to them when you need to.

ConnorTraceptive Thu 27-Sep-07 19:17:08


Agree with wigwam that this is probably more about how you feel about leaving him which is understandable.

ellehcim Thu 27-Sep-07 19:22:15

I understand completely. I had a massive hang up about PIL looking after DS1 when he was that age to the extent that I would do everything possible to avoid it. I would not have been happy had they taken him out for the day without telling me. However YAB a little bit U. They are helping you out by looking after him and, as others have said, its nice that he's getting to go on day trips.

Why don't you make it part of your routine in the morning to ask him "what fun things are you going to do today?" when you arrive at their house. Given that he can't talk (presumably) they'll soon get the message that you want to know their plans.

You get over it by the way. I have (kind of) and now am grateful for a moments peace!

WildSeahorses Thu 27-Sep-07 21:08:02

I think it's not unreasonable to want to be able to contact them - vacua's point about a mobile phone sounds sensible. It must have been worrying when there was no answer when you were expecting people to be in the house.

islandofsodor Thu 27-Sep-07 23:51:17

YABU though I do understand. My mum refuses to carry a mobile so I never knew where she was when she looked after dd from 6 months old. I certainly didn't expect her to stay in all day.

cat64 Fri 28-Sep-07 00:40:02

Message withdrawn

glitterchick Fri 28-Sep-07 09:46:18

YABU - what a lucky little boy though!

Surfermum Fri 28-Sep-07 09:52:23

It really wouldn't bother me. My parents have dd two days a week when I work and they can do what they want and go where they like. I've often phoned during the day to say I'll be late home or dh will be picking her up and they're out and I always think "oh great, they'll have taken her out somewhere".

The only time I might ask them to keep her at home would be if she had a cold or was a bit off colour, but in actual fact there's no need as I completely trust my mum's judgement on stuff like that.

NineUnlikelyTales Fri 28-Sep-07 09:52:45

Of course YABU but I would feel the same. It's a big change for you, be kind to yourself. It will get easier. You'll be glad they are taking him out and about soon.

notnowbernard Fri 28-Sep-07 09:55:20

A bit unreasonable, yes. Sorry.

It is early days though (going back to work). So anxiety is normal, I suppose.

I reckon in a few months you won't even be thinking about stuff like this smile

wannaBe Fri 28-Sep-07 10:02:15

yabu a bit. But I do understand how you feel - would have felt the same.

The idea about getting them a mobile is a good one, but that being said, I'm sure that grandparents have been looking after children for centuries and mobile phones have only really been around for the past 15 years or so so I do think that as a society we've become a bit too expectant of being able to contact the people we want to talk to whenever and wherever we want.

chocbutton Fri 28-Sep-07 23:02:27

I sort of knew myself that I was BU. I just got worried when I couldn't get hold of them, but as you say, I can't (and don't want) to know their every movement! I know I am lucky that DS has grandparents who love him and wnat to do things with him, and I remember lovely times with my own GP's so want the same for him.
It is partly guilt at being at work so I need to just get over it.
Thanks everyone.

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