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I can't cope

(22 Posts)
CantCopee Tue 07-Jul-20 03:56:30

My mum has just died of cancer. I might be pregnant with my boyfriend of nearly 4 months child. I have symptoms just waiting for period date to test. I have a 6 year old from a previous relationship and she has turned nasty. I was sick and I told my boyfriend over the phone. He wasn't showing much care and he ended up turning his phone off. I want my mum. I'm getting no support from her side of the family. No one close has been in contact with me apart from when my mum died to say sorry to hear. Now it's been over 2 weeks no one has messaged. My boyfriend was good to me when it happened but recently he's been a bit strange. My parents aren't together and my dad is over the phone but I'm not close to talk about this. I literally feel suicidal. But I can't do it cos of my 6 year old. The emotional pain is too much. I'm not close to my sibling. I can't find the strength. And the fact my boyfriend has now turned his phone off a few hours ago did it for me. I can't cope.

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CantCopee Tue 07-Jul-20 03:57:45

I feel motion sickness again. My boobs are killing me and the stomach cramps are awful. No energy whatsoever and I am still awake at 4am. Napped yesterday morning. Got school run in 5 hours.

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CantCopee Tue 07-Jul-20 03:59:27

My period is due Sunday 19th.

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Wynston Tue 07-Jul-20 04:04:24

Hi op I am so sorry to hear about you're mum.
Could you prehaps arrange to see a doctor today and tell them what you have just posted?
When will you be able to take the pregnancy test?
Keep talking op if you need to. flowers

PomBearWithoutHerOFRS Tue 07-Jul-20 04:08:41

Oh lovely, I am sorry about your Mam. It sounds like you've had more than enough to deal with, without your bf being an arse.
Could the cramps and sticky feelings be a very early miscarriage maybe? Since it sounds the wrong timing for period pains.
Your little girl is probably grieving her nanna but is too young to understand so is playing up, which is understandably the last thing you need right now.
I don't really have any advice as such, but please don't do anything "stupid" it's perfectly understandable that you feel like it, everything is getting to you and it sour like you're not getting any real life support, but take one day at a time, and just plod along - it will be ok (or at least less shit) as time passes.
For what it's worth, we're here...

Worzle23 Tue 07-Jul-20 04:12:28

You must feel so broken to lose your mother. Why don’t you tell us your happy memories of her? It helps to talk and share xx

CantCopee Tue 07-Jul-20 04:12:52

Thank you for your replies flowers I can't test until 12 days as not due my period until then. I hope I'm not pregnant. Not after tonight. But if I have an early miscarriage then it'll break my heart too. I wanna run away. Scared of the future.

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CantCopee Tue 07-Jul-20 04:17:33

I'm nearly 30 years old, I shouldn't be in the situation I'm in... I feel like my head is fucked. I had a love hate relationship with my mum. I loved her, but she emotionally abused me a bit. But she's my mum and I love her. I want her to come back to me and visit in my dreams. I used to have coffee lunches with her, we used to go to the beach. She taught me practical everyday things. She picked me up from the train station when it was dark when I came back from a day out in London. She helped me move house. I hate cancer. She was late 50's sad

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Worzle23 Tue 07-Jul-20 04:18:03

Also symptoms you are experiencing may be due to emotional trauma and stress rather than pregnancy. Big hugs xx

Babyboomtastic Tue 07-Jul-20 04:20:09

I'm sorry to hear about your mum and that you're not getting much support :-(

Whatever is going on with your body, it doesn't sound to me like you're pregnant, unless you're a bit further on. Was your period normal last time?

If your period isn't due for 12 days, I can't see that you can possibly have pregnancy symptoms yet. You'd have to have a very odd cycle for that to be even possible. I conceived my recent child in day 4 of my cycle, which is insanely early, and my symptoms started the week before my period was due.

It might be ovulation pain. Some women get them, some don't. I didn't get them but do now, and they are horribly crampy and make me feel quite ill. If the pain is slightly one sided, it might be that.

CantCopee Tue 07-Jul-20 04:20:52

@Worzle23 I hope so. I don't wanna be pregnant after the way he behaved this evening.

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Purpleartichoke Tue 07-Jul-20 04:20:59

When my mother died of cancer, I literally collapsed on the floor at one point. It is a devastating experience that can only be understood by living it.

Please if you are thinking about hurting yourself, call your GP, call a hotline, go to a&e.

I promise, it does get better.

CantCopee Tue 07-Jul-20 04:23:18

@Babyboomtastic thank you. I don't normally feel like this during ovulation. Normally I get cramps the day before my period starts and the first few days of bleeding.

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Worzle23 Tue 07-Jul-20 04:24:31

That’s so special thanks for sharing. Your mum will always be with you in the practical skills she taught you. Maybe the beach can be a calm and happy place for you to visit in your memories when you want her with you xx

CantCopee Tue 07-Jul-20 04:25:24

@Purpleartichoke I'm sorry to hear about your mum. It's a horrible experience, especially seeing her in the last few hours. I can't believe she's gone. Yesterday my 6 year old did something funny and normally I message my mum and I went to message her but then I remembered sad

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Worzle23 Tue 07-Jul-20 04:29:54

How is your 6 year old coping with the loss of her grandmother? Is her school being helpful?

CantCopee Tue 07-Jul-20 04:33:21

@Worzle23 yes school have been helpful but only when I ask.
I told her Nanna is the sky with all the pets we've had and that Nanna is looking after them.

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Worzle23 Tue 07-Jul-20 04:39:40

Also I was thinking people who have not been in touch with you except to tell you sorry about your mum may think they are being considerate in giving you space and privacy. They may not realise you are not getting support from anyone. You just need to let them know you need someone to talk to. Don’t solely rely on your boyfriend for support, get in touch with your friends and tell them you would like to talk xx

Worzle23 Tue 07-Jul-20 04:41:01

That’s such a beautiful simple way of explaining things to your daughter well done x I bet you are a fantastic mum xx

Hopeisnotastrategy Tue 07-Jul-20 05:00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. I too lost my mother to cancer, all I can tell you is it does get easier to live with in time. Sending you a virtual hug. 💐.

jessstan2 Tue 07-Jul-20 05:37:31

I'm so sorry about your mum, Worzle. I don't know if this will help but I didn't have a period for three months after mine died and no way was I pregnant.

I sincerely hope you are not pregnant; the boyfriend doesn't sound very supportive and having a baby is the last thing you need right now. If you don't have your period next Sunday, do a pregnancy test after which you can work out what you need to do for the sake of expediency. Remember, you have one child already and you've only been with your man four months.

Things will get better. Please come back and let us know how you are getting on.
flowers

CantCopee Tue 07-Jul-20 15:49:09

Thank you for everyone's replies flowers the first week I was in shock and didn't cry much but since the first week I've felt worse and worse each day. I feel like it's never gonna get better. I wanna be with my mum to hug her but at the same time I wanna stay with my daughter so she doesn't feel how I do. I still feel sick, had a bacon roll about 2pm, had a 10 min power nap around same time but only got about 3 hours sleep last night. Currently laying in bed whilst my daughter does a jigsaw next to me smile feel sick and aching still. I will post next weekend if I dont post before whether I am pregnant or not.

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