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Fallen in love with someone who doesn’t want me

(108 Posts)
NeedAdvicePlease123 Tue 07-Jul-20 01:01:25

Please please please.
Go easy as I just feel so confused and I don’t even know why I care so much.
I was seeing a guy after Christmas we dated, went to hotels etc and where texting every day for nearly 2 months.
I knew I was falling for him but I couldn’t stop how I felt and the sex was the best sex of my life.
He was amazing, funny, seemed like he cared and constantly text and rang me. Suddenly one day he started going cold and was on and off with my messages.
After him ignoring my messages and calls I blocked him for a few months, until about a month ago when I stupidly drunken booty called him.
This then sparked us chatting again and a week ago we went to a gorgeous apartment and had the best evening having sex and drinks etc.
He knows how I feel and that I’m falling for him, he keeps saying he’s not ready for a relationship but yet I keep going back and keep calling and texting him.
Honestly when I see him it’s amazing, but then we are not together and I see him all over socials liking other girls photos etc it really hurts.
I just want to know how to get over him, gain some self worth and just accept I love someone who doesn’t love me back.
Please go gentle I’m feeling fragile.

OP’s posts: |
Lockdownseperation Tue 07-Jul-20 01:08:23

He is not amazing, he knows how you feel yet he is happy to sex with you knowing that ultimately he is going to hurt you. When he says he is not ready for a relationship what he means is he doesn’t want a relationship with you.

I’m sorry but you need to cut all contact.

NeedAdvicePlease123 Tue 07-Jul-20 01:09:34

Thank you @Lockdownseperation that's brutally honest x

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sitckmansladylove Tue 07-Jul-20 01:13:14

He's using you and you deserve better . It's really hard but just block him and move on.

NeedAdvicePlease123 Tue 07-Jul-20 01:14:59

How do I get over it. Every song reminds me of him. Everywhere I turn I think of him. It's so fucking hard and it's literally ruining me.
Sorry if it sounds dramatic but I honestly can't remember loving someone like this

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PomBearWithoutHerOFRS Tue 07-Jul-20 01:15:43

Give it 29 years and you'll get over it more or less (speaking from experience)

sitckmansladylove Tue 07-Jul-20 01:16:36

You like him more as he's not available. If that makes sense.

NeedAdvicePlease123 Tue 07-Jul-20 01:18:25

@sitckmansladylove I don't think it is that because when we was first seeing each other he lead me down the garden path. Then I fell for him, thinking he felt the same. Then he said he wasn't ready. Honestly it's awful.

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clockwatcher247 Tue 07-Jul-20 01:24:55

Sorry you're feeling hurt. He's manipulating you and knows how to be amazing to fulfill his end goal, that's all. You may just be his bit on the side and is living another life. You go to hotels etc but have you ever been to each other's place? Would you trust this man completely? If not, there is your answer.

wildone84 Tue 07-Jul-20 01:26:19

I've been there. It's brutal. But you have to let this go and walk away. Not walking away is self-destructive. There is something better out there for you. You probably cannot imagine it now but give it time.

NeedAdvicePlease123 Tue 07-Jul-20 01:28:53

@wildone84 thank you I really needed that x

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NeedAdvicePlease123 Tue 07-Jul-20 01:30:28

@clockwatcher247 I've been to his once, but it's awkward because his dad is there as he's having a house built.
I won't let anyone in my house until I know it's real, feel like it's my space and that's the last thing I need is him reminding me all over the house

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Rumbletumbleinmytummy Tue 07-Jul-20 01:38:15

Oh sweet, I've been there.
I was 18, he was in his early 30s, I fell so hard for him so very quickly. He wanted to have babies and get married to me. He told me all the plans he had for us, we planned baby names, we talked about how we would decorate the nursery. It was all so quick, and he kept telling me when it's right, you just know.
He had said a few things that made me think he was unsure whether I liked him for him or maybe had an eye on his money (I'd never taken anything off him) so I went and got his name tattooed on me to show him how madly unloved with him I was.
He disappeared about two weeks later. He came back 6 months later, declaring everlasting love for me, then got admitted he had got someone pregnant.

He kept me hanging around for years. Always planning to take me out but not able to turn up, because of work. One day he let me down again, but then I happened to bump into him and he walked straight past me like I didnt exist.

At that point i realised that all I'd ever been was a boredom killer, and i wish I'd have been told by someone to pick myself up and move on to someone who wanted me.

This man will never give you the relationship you deserve. He will never want it. Atleast with you. If he is anything like the man I loved, he will have a lot of very short, very intense relationships. He will probably never settle down and will continue using women for his short term gratification until no one wants him

clockwatcher247 Tue 07-Jul-20 01:43:26

Wise move keeping your place your haven. Try telling yourself he's moved away with his job and isn't contactable.

BabyGirl66 Tue 07-Jul-20 01:44:11

Sorry op, but I think you need to move on flowers

NeedAdvicePlease123 Tue 07-Jul-20 01:44:59

Seriously thank you all so much

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NeedAdvicePlease123 Tue 07-Jul-20 01:45:30

@Rumbletumbleinmytummy this is heartbreaking.
Why does love hurt so much

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NeedAdvicePlease123 Tue 07-Jul-20 01:46:14

I'm really wanting someone to just love me to death and me to feel the same way x

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Rumbletumbleinmytummy Tue 07-Jul-20 01:56:11

I'm so sorry, it does hurt so much. It can take years to get over, but please believe me, there is someone out there who will love you like you deserve.
There will be someone who absolutely worships you, who wont play manipulative little games, wont string you along.
It took a year after I wised up to meet my now DH (and I'm as flawed as people come!)

This will pass. It wont be easy, but you want a relationship, and he sounds like he wants to explore all the women out there. Hes not fit for the role as your significant other.

NeedAdvicePlease123 Tue 07-Jul-20 02:08:58

@Rumbletumbleinmytummy your comments are really cheering me up.
Thank you x

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amusedtodeath1 Tue 07-Jul-20 02:09:18

I've been there, it's crazy, rationally you know it's wrong, that you're worth more. I don't know how to stop feeling like you do, but I know it makes you nuts with it.

You need to block/delete him on everything, stock up on your favourite snacks/food and sit it out. Rely on your friends to not let you call him, get drunk with you, hold your hair while you cry-puke. It's gonna get very messy and you have to supplement your feeble will power (when it comes to him) with your friends. Use this thread as a support network too.

I feel for you, but you will get over him and you will find someone who is right for you.


NeedAdvicePlease123 Tue 07-Jul-20 02:10:17

@amusedtodeath1 thank you so much for your comment.
I've kind of kept it on the low with my friends, I'm embarrassed I've let this happen to me x

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Aquamarine1029 Tue 07-Jul-20 02:14:58

You're not in love, you're infatuated, and he clearly doesn't give a shit about you. You're an easy shag, whenever he wants it. Sorry to be harsh, but it's true. Raise your standards.

NeedAdvicePlease123 Tue 07-Jul-20 02:15:34

@Aquamarine1029 wow thanks for that hope you never feel how I feel now!

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Rumbletumbleinmytummy Tue 07-Jul-20 02:19:07

Just try to remember you're people who are just looking for different things and that is fundamentally why things cant work.

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