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AIBU to be upset at pittance food cost offering?

(252 Posts)
Lincspeeps Mon 06-Jul-20 12:46:36

Six of us are going to the south of France in a fortnight.

DH, me and DS (aged 16)

We have had a gite booked for ten months. The parents of DS's friend paid 10% of the cost towards this - £250 - and as we are driving down we are covering petrol etc.

The boy's mum gave me her final payment this morning (£100) and said 'I've included some money for food etc too'.

She'd added £30. To feed a 16-year-old boy for a fortnight.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed about this? We hadn't asked them to pay towards food so maybe I should be grateful we received anything but I just feel it's such a paltry amount it's hardly worth giving.

OP’s posts: |
Lincspeeps Mon 06-Jul-20 12:48:07

Apologies, that should read four of us. DH, me, DS and DS'S friend.

OP’s posts: |
Candyfloss99 Mon 06-Jul-20 12:48:47

Why did you invite him if you were annoyed about having to feed him?

Candyfloss99 Mon 06-Jul-20 12:50:06

Usually when you invite a child's friends on a holiday you pay for everything for them to be honest. You don't ask for accommodation costs nevermind food.

Cadent Mon 06-Jul-20 12:51:03

So she's paid £270 so far?

When her son was invited, were you clear on what they needed to pay?

There's time to fix this, text her now and say what the cost of food will be for her son.

YellowandGreenToBeSeen Mon 06-Jul-20 12:51:07

It’s the kind of thing my parents would have done - they ate / eat very frugally and £90 a week for a family of three would have been their budget. They’d have divided it and given you that amount. It was quite mortifying as a child - I remember host parents remarking about it in my earshot. Made me feel awful: embarrassed, freeloading and contributed to low self esteem (feeling like my parents didn’t care enough to go above and beyond / that I wasn’t worth going over and above for).

Either speak to the parents or say nothing.

DrPatient Mon 06-Jul-20 12:51:38

She's given you £30 that you didn't ask for. That's a win in my book.

Goawayquickly Mon 06-Jul-20 12:51:43

Count the entire amount as money towards food. If you told your child he could bring a friend I wouldn’t expect money towards the accommodation.

Cadent Mon 06-Jul-20 12:51:59

Also, will her son have spending money? Be upfront what you can't pay for.

Pelleas Mon 06-Jul-20 12:53:20

Maybe she was working on the same 10% basis as the other costs and imagining an overall food budget of £300 for the four of you. I am guessing he will be taking spending money too, which you'd expect to cover any snacks that weren't part of your family meals.

2020times Mon 06-Jul-20 12:53:27

YABU - you didn't ask for anything. She gave you more than you asked for.

Please don't expect people to read your mind - it's very simple to say "the cost of food will be £50 please"

Cadent Mon 06-Jul-20 12:53:31

I'm guessing the friend was invited on the proviso that he make the 10% contribution to the accommodation. Sounds a very expensive gite at £2,500! How long are you all there for?

Trailing1 Mon 06-Jul-20 12:53:54

So you hadn't asked the parents to pay for food but you're now unhappy with the "paltry" amount they have given! Wow.
This all should have been agreed upon before.

CluelessBaker Mon 06-Jul-20 12:54:59

If you hadn’t asked them to pay for food it seems a bit inconsistent to be annoyed that they haven’t given much. I always think with things like this it’s best to be totally upfront about what you’re expecting them to pay from the outset so they know if they can afford it and how much to budget for.

TicketToTheWrongFilm Mon 06-Jul-20 12:55:20

I think she put the wrong label on it, personally. If she’d said, here’s a bit extra, please treat yourself to a nice bottle of French wine, you’d have been made up don’t you think?

I’d be annoyed too in your place. It feels a bit like a denial of your hospitality while not actually covering his expenses!

Patch23042 Mon 06-Jul-20 12:55:36

He’s coming as company for DS who probably wouldn’t be interested in going on the trip if it were just the three of you. I suppose the best way of looking at it, is that it’s a win-win scenario for all and worth the extra cost.

Mixingitall Mon 06-Jul-20 12:55:55

Would the accommodation have cost the same without your ds’s friend? If so, it’s all a bonus isn’t it? Petrol and accommodation costs are no more than for 3, therefore like a pp said, it’s all towards food/spending or additional trips out.

You don’t invite other people/children and expect them to pay.

ButteryPuffin Mon 06-Jul-20 12:56:33

You can't complain if you didn't set an amount and ask beforehand. As a pp said see it as a bonus £30.

Cadent Mon 06-Jul-20 12:56:45


Ah that sounds more likely actually.

BacklashStarts Mon 06-Jul-20 12:56:46

I think this is a bonus rather than something to be annoyed about.

LuluBellaBlue Mon 06-Jul-20 12:57:28

Even as an adult when I’ve visited friends families especially overseas / on holidays the parents have always insisted on providing and paying for all food and accommodation so unless you explicitly told them before they need to pay for their own food, accommodation and all expenses YABU

Bluntness100 Mon 06-Jul-20 12:57:33

I think you should have made it clear if you didn’t wish to feed the lad. I’m a little surprised st you saying you’re paying for petrol money like you’re doing him a favour.

I think in future if you invite one of your kids mates on holiday make if clear what you’re paying for,

Sunnydayshereatlast Mon 06-Jul-20 12:58:13

We once took ds's friend abroad. No cost asked or offered. They huffed at getting him a passport!!
He took spending money (50 euros for 2 weeks) and flaunted bags and bags of sweets in front of my dc. Once loaned ds a euro and nagged him for it back.
He was an ungrateful little shit.. Between him and my ds they ruined the first week.We sent them home on a plane.
Both 14 /15..
His dps weren't happy I insisted I get the 70 euro plane ticket money back...
Never ever again.
Good luck op.

TheTrollFairy Mon 06-Jul-20 12:58:23

As others have said, if I was inviting someone away then I would expect to cover all the costs especially as it would give my child company for 2 weeks. I’m assuming that the additional child isn’t costing you that much as most holiday let’s go 3 would fit 4 (so no extra accommodation required) and you are driving anyway so there’s not an additional plane seat cost, you would be covering petrol regardless of DS friend coming or not

StuffThem Mon 06-Jul-20 12:58:50

She's given you extra to what you asked for and you're complaining about it??

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