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AIBU?

Way DH speaks to me

26 replies

LittlePetal82 · 04/07/2020 18:23

My DH is trying to call a friend but my phone starts vibrating saying there’s an incoming call from my DH so I ask DH why he’s calling me and he sort of waves me away, I ask him again as it’s still vibrating and I was a bit confused about why my phone was ringing when I know he’s trying to ring his friend. By this point, he’s got through to his friend and so gets annoyed with me for interrupting and he says to me, in a very dismissive way, “do you mind, you’re interrupting my phone call”. I know it’s not an awful thing to say but I don’t think it’s a very nice way to talk to me. Would you be annoyed if your DH said that to you or am I overreacting?

OP posts:

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DollyDoneMore · 04/07/2020 18:25

If that’s the worst thing he says to you, I wouldn’t give it much headspace.

Evasmummy2019 · 04/07/2020 18:27

Get on

sst1234 · 04/07/2020 18:28

OP, is it this all you want advice on or are there other issues going on. In itself, it sounds rather trivial that you would call this out and ask if it is unreasonable.

disorganisedsecretsquirrel · 04/07/2020 18:51

Sounds like you have more issues to discuss than this one thing. Because on its own it's really not an issue ? .

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 04/07/2020 19:00

That's a perfectly reasonable way to speak to you.

If he growled it, and had his hand up threatening you, that wouldn't be ok.

So I guess it depends how it was delivered.

LittlePetal82 · 04/07/2020 19:22

We often argue about the way he speaks to me and he has said a lot worse than this that to me is definitely not acceptable and that he usually apologises for. I suppose this is an example where I think it's not a very nice way to speak to me but he refuses to apologise as he doesn't think he's done anything wrong so wanted to get an outside opinion. Looks like I am perhaps being a bit sensitive.

OP posts:

LittlePetal82 · 04/07/2020 19:23

Sorry if people think I'm time wasting on something trivial, that's not my intention.

OP posts:

BobbieDraper · 04/07/2020 19:26

Why would you even ask? He obviously called you by accident. The correct response is "oh, you've called me hy mistake" and hit the reject button or leave it for him to hang up and call the correct contact.
Why would you ask once, let alone twice, when it was obviously just a miss dial?

Are you often very overbearing?

RednaxelasLunch · 04/07/2020 19:31

Well he sounds incredibly rude but you don't sound much better. Do you two even like each other?

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/07/2020 19:31

Well what are the worse things he says to you? I’d be more concerned about those. I don’t think he was rude. It may have felt slightly condescending but he said do you mind, not fuck off I’m busy, which would have been really horrible. You could have ignored the phone ringing or waited till he was finished with his friend.

What else is going on?

bitofasleuth · 04/07/2020 19:33

I get you OP.

I am not 'allowed' to interrupt my dh on the phone for any reason whatsoever, even if it is important and he needs to know, eg arranging a date for an event etc., when we are already doing something else.

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 04/07/2020 19:34

Do you two even like each other?

That's so Mumsnet.
Seriously, think of your own replies. Be original.

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 04/07/2020 19:35

I am not 'allowed' to interrupt my dh on the phone

Unless it was an emergency, I would never dream interrupting DH'a phone call.
That's so rude.
And he has never tried to interrupt mine.

That's a perfectly normal thing!

Sometimeswinning · 04/07/2020 20:02

Unless it was an emergency, I would never dream interrupting DH'a phone call.
That's so rude.
And he has never tried to interrupt mine.

yeah but if it happened it wouldn't warrant the other being rude. Or if they were you are within your rights to point out they were being a twat right?

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 04/07/2020 21:30

yeah but if it happened it wouldn't warrant the other being rude. Or if they were you are within your rights to point out they were being a twat right?

Are we on the same thread? Where did the DH tell her she's a twat?
What exactly did he say?

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 04/07/2020 21:31

It's ok I've got it
“do you mind, you’re interrupting my phone call”.

Where's the twat part? I've taken my contact lenses out.

vanillandhoney · 04/07/2020 21:32

@bitofasleuth

I get you OP.

I am not 'allowed' to interrupt my dh on the phone for any reason whatsoever, even if it is important and he needs to know, eg arranging a date for an event etc., when we are already doing something else.

Eh? What's so important that it can't wait five minutes until he's finished?

Interrupting phone calls (unless it's a genuine emergency) is so rude.

pictish · 04/07/2020 21:36

So elaborate if you can on other occasions he is rude to you. People are focusing on this seemingly harmless exchange but I think it’s a bad example of what you’re trying to convey.

Sometimeswinning · 05/07/2020 00:06

@DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou what? Read again. Slowly..

WhySoSexist · 05/07/2020 00:41

I think it's odd that you kept asking him when you know he's on the phone to someone else and could've reasonably assumed he hit your number by accident. His response was reasonable and, actually, you were being rude. You were interrupting him repeatedly and, even though you knew he'd phoned you by accident, you wanted to know why - presumably to make him feel stupid for accidentally phoning you.
You've said that you frequently get offended by how he speaks to you but he doesn't think he's been rude or should apologise - perhaps you're being a bit oversensitive demanding apologies when he's not done anything wrong.

Whichoneofyoudidthat · 05/07/2020 01:32

a normal interaction would be from your husband: “Oh, I’ve called you by mistake.” He would then proceed to call his friend.

But this is Mumsnet, so you are overbearing, rude, over sensitive etc.

Guineapigbridge · 05/07/2020 04:12

Omg you should hear how DH and I talk to one another!!!!

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Boopthesnoot1 · 05/07/2020 05:22

I don't speak to my DP like that and I expect the same. If he gets snippy then I pull him up and say 'don't speak to me like that' he apologies and we move on. We have a high respect relationship and that goes both ways. If you don't like it then ask him to apologise for talking down to you. Only you know how you want to be treated and only you can set the standard of what is and what isn't acceptable in your relationship.

CandidaAlbicans2 · 05/07/2020 10:34

I find it's often not the words that are particularly jarring but the way in which they're delivered. Tone of voice, body language, facial expression. Things that will annoy the hell out of me are rolling eyes, tutting, and sighing and can completely change the way I take, what on the surface, is a "harmless" comment.

TitianaTitsling · 05/07/2020 10:37

So was he on one phone and calling you from another? Or calling you by mistake?

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