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AIBU re getting upset over “ripped off with funeral cost”

(76 Posts)
GlendaPickle Sat 04-Jul-20 13:27:22

Due to lockdown we have not seen our relatives and social distancing bbq.

My father passed away in November and on Christmas Day my husbands uncle made a snide comment that “you didn’t half get ripped off with the cost of your dads funeral”. I was livid I just walked away from him and my father in law rather than get involved in a row. Actions speak louder than words

When I told my husband a few weeks later he was horrified.

I have just cut off all contact since with this branch of the family.

When I see him Tonight I feel I must say something. But how do I approach it without making a scene?

I have no idea what caused this comment.

OP’s posts: |
Iggii Sat 04-Jul-20 13:29:48

You have cut off contact with an entire branch of the family over one remark that you didn't even ask him to explain? shock

Smallsteps88 Sat 04-Jul-20 13:32:28

When I see him Tonight I feel I must say something. But how do I approach it without making a scene?

You can’t approach it without making a scene. Saying anything will be the scene.

FWIW I don’t think you need to approach it at all. Why would you? He made a comment, you disagreed. It was 6 months ago. It’s over.

SkelingtonArgument Sat 04-Jul-20 13:32:39

I don’t understand why you feel you have to say something. How did he know how much the funeral cost, anyway? Only my sister & I knew how much my dad’s funeral cost and nobody asked.

PinkiOcelot Sat 04-Jul-20 13:32:46

I wouldn’t say anything now OP. You’re too late. That ship has sailed.

You’ve cut contact with this whole branch of family??

How did he know how much your dad’s funeral cost?

MatildaTheCat Sat 04-Jul-20 13:32:49

Condolences. I lost my DF very recently so empathise with the rawness of this and the extreme sensitivity around the funeral arrangements (ours was during lockdown). I literally cannot bear to have anything negative said about it.

So whilst you are completely reasonable to be deeply upset I suggest you let it go and don’t discuss it again because he probably will defend his opinion and upset you all over again.

Talk to people who will bring you positive feelings.

Best wishes.

1Morewineplease Sat 04-Jul-20 13:36:47

Upsetting though that comment might seem, I think your ensuing action of cutting contact with this entire branch of family, very unreasonable.

InFiveMins Sat 04-Jul-20 13:38:01

In short, yes YANU.

InFiveMins Sat 04-Jul-20 13:38:31

That should say YABU* confused

WendyHoused Sat 04-Jul-20 13:41:59

That’s an OTT reaction to his comment.

Bartlet Sat 04-Jul-20 13:44:04

Are you normally this much of a drama queen?

romeolovedjulliet Sat 04-Jul-20 13:45:49

the man's a twat but keep your dignity and rise above it, if it was mentioned again i would either change the subject or walk away. no point blowing up at something that has happened. besides he will only make himself look stupid if he pursued it.

ButteryPuffin Sat 04-Jul-20 13:46:39

That was a totally nasty and unnecessary comment from him. I can see why you wouldn't want to speak to him. The question then though is does it have to involve cutting off the rest of that group of the family? Do they all always socialise together?

Oysterbabe Sat 04-Jul-20 13:46:41

Was it expensive? I don't really understand the level of offence.

MissRabbitIsExhausted Sat 04-Jul-20 13:47:03

I'm sorry for your loss op, and whilst I understand your grief probably means that the comment deeply hurt you, I think cutting off an entire beach of the family over one persons comment is a bit ott.
You can't really say anything without it causing a scene, after 6 months I think you should just try to move on, or avoid talking to this one person if need be.

ButteryPuffin Sat 04-Jul-20 13:49:07

Some people clearly just don't get why that would be upsetting. Maybe compare it to something that you personally would find upsetting? As someone who has had to arrange both their parents' funerals, I totally get you, OP.

Wyntersdiary Sat 04-Jul-20 13:49:52

well maybe you did get ripped off?
When my friends mum died the venue tried to charge £400 for a buffet for 30 guests.... 12 of which were under 8 years old... £16 per head? i dont think so and then they were charging £9 each for a small vodka and lemonade...

She was not happy so went somewhere else but still if she had just chose it because it was closer to home then she would have been ripped off

it was a bit mean of him to be so forward with it as what was done was done and he should have left it

Wyntersdiary Sat 04-Jul-20 13:50:44

sorry i meant £500

Mummyshark2018 Sat 04-Jul-20 13:50:54

Funerals are a rip off though.

Mummyshark2018 Sat 04-Jul-20 13:51:06

Funerals are a rip off though.

Waveysnail Sat 04-Jul-20 13:52:32

Most funeral are a rip off. Massive overreaction to cut off an entire family due to one comment.

buckeejit Sat 04-Jul-20 13:55:54

He was insensitive at best. You were and still are grieving so such a comment will feel more barbed than normal. Just let it go, that's the easiest thing. If you feel very strongly then your dh should have a quiet word as it's his family. He maybe doesn't realise how harsh he was being. But it depends on if a prompted apology holds any weight for you.

notheragain4 Sat 04-Jul-20 13:55:55

I'm confused, why is that remark offensive?

SnackSizeRaisin Sat 04-Jul-20 13:57:32

You obviously haven't cut them off, as you are seeing them tonight. You just haven't seen them for a few weeks.
Just don't see them if you don't want to. The comment was rude but presumably there's more to it than just this incident

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Sat 04-Jul-20 13:59:42

eh? To many questions here. How does he know how much the funeral was.

You can't say anything now, 6 months later, jeez you'll look like you've been obsessing over it, you'll look like a loon, let it go.

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