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Being upset after finding out former best friends DC has been take into care..

(82 Posts)
lockdownmu Fri 03-Jul-20 18:51:05

We haven't been friends since 2013 - she flounced out of my daughter's baptism before we got to the church. But I found out the other day her DC who is a year older than my oldest has been taken into care.
She's posting on Instagram and FB all holiday memories and things.
I feel very upset and so does my DH who was fond of her DC.
She hasn't asked for help. I just wonder what if anything we can do.

OP’s posts: |
SandysMam Fri 03-Jul-20 18:55:15

It depends on so many things.
How good friends were you?
Why has her daughter been taken into care?

If you were really good friends and the daughter is in care because she has cancer or something then maybe get in touch and offer help.

If you weren’t that close and daughter has been taken into care because she has neglected her, I would leave it, nothing to do with you and she doesn’t deserve your help if it’s her own fault.

anothernewyear Fri 03-Jul-20 18:55:30

You can't help how you feel. But since you haven't been friends In 7 years it's a bit odd to feel sad she didnt ask for help. 7 years is a long time. The child could have gone into care for a number of reasons.
Did you contact her after she left the baptism?
While you may be sad for this child ot really is nothing to do with you. She may very well have asked for help from people shes close to, maybe she didn't. But it isn't your place after such a long time.
I do hope the child is ok. That's what's important.

alexdgr8 Fri 03-Jul-20 18:58:40

agree with above pp.

Forallyouknow Fri 03-Jul-20 19:01:01

If you were inclined And depending on how badly things ended with your friendship - you could get in touch and see if there is anything you can do to support or help. Depending on a LOT of things including your own circumstances and an intrusive assessment by social services being positive - you may be able to foster or be a special guardian for the child- depending on how much you would be willing to commit and what level of need the child had etc Etc

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult Fri 03-Jul-20 19:01:17

She didnt ask for help because you havent been friends for 7 years.

You havent been concerned about the child for that long, so I cant figure out why you want to be involved/do something now.

People who show up in your life when theres a bit of drama, but dont bother the rest of the time (drama vampires, of the same ilk as grief vampires) are awful, and she will be surrounded by them just now. Don't let yourself fall into that category.

Theres nothing you can do, but be thankful the child is safe and looked after now.

StudyBuddy Fri 03-Jul-20 19:07:48

Assuming that the child has been taken into care due to neglect/abuse, it's odd that your initial response is to find out if you can help her in any way rather than help the child - especially when you've said your husband is upset because he was so fond of the child.
You haven't been friends with her in seven years - if I received any communication from you in her position (whether the child has been taken into care due to neglect/abuse or for any other reason i.e. illness) then I would think you just want to be involved in the drama.
I don't know how old this child is but they probably have no idea who you even are.

OhCaptain Fri 03-Jul-20 19:10:06

You haven't been friends for seven years. Why would she ask you for help?!

Bit weird that you're monitoring her social media, too. If you're not friends anymore then you're not friends anymore. There's not much more to it, is there?

I get that you (and DH) feel sad but...I think it's time to move on.

Bartlet Fri 03-Jul-20 19:11:32

What could you do? Tbh if you haven’t spoken to her in 7 years your interest seems more like voyeurism and wanting a nosey than actually wanting to help.

Smallsteps88 Fri 03-Jul-20 19:14:53

How do you know she hasn’t asked for help? You’re hardly privy to all the details of the situation having not seen her in 3 years.

Wyntersdiary Fri 03-Jul-20 19:30:02

i also find the way your feeling/ what your saying is a bit wierd.. you havent been friends for 7 years and expect to know all the details about who she has or hasnt gone too?

Its always sad that i child has to be put into care but they dont do these things lightly and sometimes it is beyond help

OhCaptain Fri 03-Jul-20 19:30:52

If you contact her now she'll know it's because you want to be part of the drama.

Frankly, this is none of your business!

SnackSizeRaisin Fri 03-Jul-20 19:33:36

It's absolutely none of your business and you seem to want to gossip about her...bit mean when you haven't been in touch for years.

AnneLovesGilbert Fri 03-Jul-20 19:38:05

What everyone else has said. And why did she not go to the baptism? Why was that the end of your friendship?

Yankathebear Fri 03-Jul-20 19:39:18

You’ve not been in hers or her child’s life for 7 years. You don’t know them anymore.

Why are you looking at her social media?

I’d find a hobby.

BlessYourCottonSocks Fri 03-Jul-20 19:40:56

Agree with all the others. I think she sounds a nutter - who flounces out on someone's Christening Day? I can't imagine having a row with anyone who'd invited me to a baptism, particularly if it was my best friend as it presumably cast a shadow over the day.

It sounds like you've had nothing to do with her in the intervening 7 years and for whatever reason her DC have now been taken into care. There honestly is nothing you can offer at this point and contacting her will be seen as spiteful.

bluebluezoo Fri 03-Jul-20 19:43:46

There honestly is nothing you can offer at this point and contacting her will be seen as spiteful

If o/p is in a position to foster then she can do that for the child. Not the mother.

That can be done via social services

Nomorepies Fri 03-Jul-20 19:45:32

Why would she ask for help from you? You are no longer friends and haven't been for 7 years. You don't know any of the background to this decision and are jumping to conclusions because you're not involved! Sounds harsh but are you perhaps feeling a little indignant that you weren't asked for help or that you had to hear it from others? I would leave it be and move on.

OhCaptain Fri 03-Jul-20 19:45:45

This child is a stranger to OP and more importantly, OP is a stranger to the child. Unless said child was reasonably old at the christening.

Fair enough if she wants to foster but she can foster any number of children who need help.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult Fri 03-Jul-20 19:46:01

Why would SS let some random ex friend who hasn't even seen the kid for 7 years foster them?

bluebluezoo Fri 03-Jul-20 19:47:01

O/p says he dh was fond of the dc so I took that as they had at least some relationship withe the child.

Nomorepies Fri 03-Jul-20 19:48:19

Yeah I'm sure this mother wants her child to be fostered by her former friend- that won't make matters worse hmm.

The fostering process takes months. They don't just go out handing kids out. "oh you say you knew her mother some time ago, ok here you go."

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult Fri 03-Jul-20 19:48:25

It's been 7 years, the op is a stranger to the child now.

Badmemorieshouse Fri 03-Jul-20 19:48:50

Why was the child taken into care, and would you have helped if you knew?

IHateCoronavirus Fri 03-Jul-20 19:52:56

I work in a profession where we see a lot of child protection issues. It has to be very BAD before the decision to remove a child is taken. There have been a number of cases over the years where we have been shocked at some of the things children endure and remain under the ‘care’ of their parents.
My sympathies would rest entirely with the poor DC.

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