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To think referring to guests at Christmas lunch as waifs and strays is extremely rude

(180 Posts)
notawaif Fri 03-Jul-20 12:25:29

I know I am BU to think about this in July, so don’t judge me on that.

I’ve seen it on a couple of threads and heard it in RL too, on FB and so on. AIBU for thinking it’s rude and condescending towards a guest?

OP’s posts: |
araiwa Fri 03-Jul-20 12:29:30

Have you ever considered that perhaps you take things too literally and too seriously??

Get over yourself

Shoxfordian Fri 03-Jul-20 12:30:33

It depends who they are really

lidoshuffle Fri 03-Jul-20 12:30:48

Someone on a thread here once referred to them (us) as 'odd socks' which I thought was horrible.

Purplecupofcoffee Fri 03-Jul-20 12:31:23

Okay about but not to, so I haven't voted!

Thisismytimetoshine Fri 03-Jul-20 12:32:48

Of course it's rude. Who wants to be considered a wretched waif, patronised by Lady Bountiful?

Zilla1 Fri 03-Jul-20 12:32:56

I've heard it used many times with affection and no insult intended. Given the season, there might need to be a lot of background that the person using it has been trying to deliberately insult for me to take offence over its use. If I wanted to take offence at this then I'd also want to be reasonably sure that none of the phrases I used were inadvertently insulting.

user8558 Fri 03-Jul-20 12:33:12

Yes it's incredibly rude

ThePlantsitter Fri 03-Jul-20 12:33:51

I mean, if somebody said it about me to my face I'd be offended, yes. If I'm expected to cook for everyone my extended family takes pity on I might use it on an anonymised forum. Depends what you mean really

BurtsBeesKnees Fri 03-Jul-20 12:35:06

No I don't think it's extremely rude at all. I think maybe some people get offended by just about anything these days.

notawaif Fri 03-Jul-20 12:35:56

I’m sure it’s said with affection. That’s not the point really.

I think that’s actually the issue I have with it. It isn’t saying that you’re having the people there because you like them, it’s because you are the giver and they are the charity case.

OP’s posts: |
CluelessBaker Fri 03-Jul-20 12:36:17

We used to have a ‘waifs and strays’ Christmas lunch party when I was a student. It was all in the spirit of love and fun, and clear that we (the hosts) considered ourselves waifs and strays just as much as our guests. I suppose you have to judge your audience to make sure you aren’t offending anybody but I would usually take this as an expression of warmth and affection.

BurtsBeesKnees Fri 03-Jul-20 12:37:00

If you don't like being referred to like that, you can always decline the invite

notawaif Fri 03-Jul-20 12:37:35

I don’t know if it’s about being offended exactly.

It’s more about recognising that the way you are perceived is at odds with the way you perceive yourself.

OP’s posts: |
Thisismytimetoshine Fri 03-Jul-20 12:38:00

I bet these people catering for the waifs and strays also collect lame ducks. Patronising prats.

CRbear Fri 03-Jul-20 12:38:11

We use orphans in my house to refer to anyone with no where else to go- bet you don’t like that! Said with affection. I think context is everything!

Thisismytimetoshine Fri 03-Jul-20 12:38:34

CluelessBaker

We used to have a ‘waifs and strays’ Christmas lunch party when I was a student. It was all in the spirit of love and fun, and clear that we (the hosts) considered ourselves waifs and strays just as much as our guests. I suppose you have to judge your audience to make sure you aren’t offending anybody but I would usually take this as an expression of warmth and affection.

That is not the same thing at all.

notawaif Fri 03-Jul-20 12:38:43

Well actually burt for years and years when I was alone (through no fault of my own) I did for exactly this reason. Because it was impossible to distinguish between people who might actually have wanted me there for my own lovely personality grin and those who decided I was this years charity project.

OP’s posts: |
mbosnz Fri 03-Jul-20 12:39:06

As ex-pats, we tend to use it, for ourselves and our mates, because we're all waifs and strays, including the hosts, generally!

notawaif Fri 03-Jul-20 12:39:08

Christ cr you do?

OP’s posts: |
IhateBoswell Fri 03-Jul-20 12:39:27

Meh, I'd presume they meant it tongue in cheek.

AdaColeman Fri 03-Jul-20 12:39:56

YABU for not putting this in the Christmas Topic Board especially in JULY!

notawaif Fri 03-Jul-20 12:40:40

Sorry! Feel free to have it moved but I personally think it’s not a Christmas topic as such. So that is why I’ve put it here!

OP’s posts: |
Sometimeswinning Fri 03-Jul-20 12:41:00

Maybe you should speak to the person and explain that their comments really hurt your feelings. Then please come back and let us know how that goes grin Sorry I cant take you seriously!!

campion Fri 03-Jul-20 12:41:47

If someone else is doing the cooking,refer to me however you like!

It's just an expression OP. Generally an affectionate one.

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