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They completely take over the house!

(195 Posts)
BuggerMeSausage Thu 02-Jul-20 18:35:14

My stepchildren, when they stay (3 nights one week, 4 the next).

They have bedrooms but they never use them as they say they don't like being in there for long periods of time. They sit in the living room sprawled on the sofa with their tablets/computers/game consoles shouting to their friends and me and DH have to literally sit in our room out of the way, we have a TV in there but no Sky or anything so it's Netflix and some dvds which gets tedious when it's from the minute you get home.

I'm sick of it. I want my house back. I want DH to say that if they want to shout and scream and play Fortnite with mates it's done in their bedrooms (they have a TV and console in there). They say they don't like being in their rooms but I kind of think, tough...? You can spend time with us as a family downstairs doing things we can all do or you go in your room?

I honestly do not have a problem at all spending time with them if we are actually spending time together but I don't want to feel like I can't even step foot in my living room or basically the whole downstairs of my house for 50% of the time. I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF FORTNITE BEING ON MY LIVING ROOM TV and tiptoeing around my house to make a brew or whatever so I don't disturb their conversations with their friends.

It's got to the point where it's not even questioned, they literally walk in and just grab the remote and put it on and it's just like that's that.

We go on walks in the evenings but never for long because they moan at being out. They never want to do anything else but play games and I've just had it with it now.

I want to say to DH that if he doesn't want to limit game time, which I've suggested before but it's agreed with and then ignored, then they do it in their room so I can have my house back.

I honestly can't think of a scenario when I was younger where my parents would leave the living room to sit on their bed so I could use it all evening, all the time.

OP’s posts: |
thegcatsmother Thu 02-Jul-20 18:48:11

You will be piled on posting that in AIBU, as all those who think you are a wicked stepmother take potshots at you.

You need to set boundaries and enforce them. Yes, it's their home, but it is yours too. Hide the remote, switch off the router. Put them in the loft. Enforce a new normal until it becomes a habit. Hell, move the TV. Don't tiptoe around, it's your home and you can make as much noise as you like.

Alternatively, when things reopen, go and stay in a nice hotel (or a Premier Inn) for the night's they are there at Dh's expense, leaving him with his kids. Rinse and repeat until the message you have had enough gets through.

StudyBuddy Thu 02-Jul-20 19:03:24

I'd recommend doing something with them. It's not their fault that they're bored when you're the adult. Go outside. Go for a walk. Go for a picnic. Go to a zoo. Go to the lake.
You'll get berated as the evil stepmother on here but honestly you just sound overwhelmed and a bit powerless because they aren't your children.
Talk to your husband and explain that it's driving you a bit potty.

isadoradancing123 Thu 02-Jul-20 19:04:10

Why would you put up with this, i certainly would not

corpsebrid3 Thu 02-Jul-20 19:05:53

I'd start playing opera and singing along to it - that'll clear them out quickly.

Destroyedpeople Thu 02-Jul-20 19:06:39

You don't sound like a wicked stepmother at all btw.
Games in bedrooms! That's normal.....
Kick ass it's your house.

Ohnoherewego62 Thu 02-Jul-20 19:06:51

Itd be a no from me also.

Console in room. TV for communal watching or adult television.

Stop the tiptoeing and take the remote. Gently remind them they have consoles in their room for that purpose and you're going to be watching your programme.

MadameButterface Thu 02-Jul-20 19:08:36

no, I get it op, it's rude of them. my youngest drives me bananas shouting at his pals on fortnite, and there's only one of him, and he came out of my very own vagina, so I imagine it's like that but amplified. Unfortunately my youngest is in the box room on a cabin bed so he has to do his gamer business downstairs, but in your circs I would limit the time they can take over downstairs for gaming and say if they want longer it has to be upstairs.

Destroyedpeople Thu 02-Jul-20 19:09:01

My mum used to let us have the 'spare' bedroom to have friends round but it doesn't sound like you have that space...

DomDoesWotHeWants Thu 02-Jul-20 19:12:27

YANBU. Just tell them. If they don't like it it's tough. They are kids you are the adult.

rottiemum88 Thu 02-Jul-20 19:13:27

Consoles in rooms is standard, surely? Sounds like your DH needs to grow a backbone and stop letting his kids walk all over you both in your own home. Hell would have frozen over before I'd be sat in my bedroom as an adult watching Netflix because the kids have taken over the living space and don't want to be disturbed confused

june2007 Thu 02-Jul-20 19:14:04

I think you are perfectly right to say if you want to play fortnight then play it in your rooms.

LemonPeonies Thu 02-Jul-20 19:18:30

You're completely right OP. My brother still lives at home and is allowed to play Xbox etc sometimes in the living room but not to the extent he takes over the whole room and my parents can't watch the TV. Step kids or your own kids doesn't make a difference but if you dare say anything about step kids on here you get lynched whether they're in the wrong or not hmm stop pandering to them and tell them to go to their rooms!

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow Thu 02-Jul-20 19:18:36

You’d do it with your own kids, so why not? And tip toeing about? Fuck that. Dh lays down house rules. Screen time is limited, no consoles on the big telly.

AnnaNimmity Thu 02-Jul-20 19:23:38

well of course it's their house and they need to feel welcome etc etc.

BUT I limit screen time (for my birth children) to before 9 and after 5. So maybe you could do that? On the basis that so much screen time is unhealthy and they should be spending their time doing something else. I don't send mine to their rooms, they are just banned from screens during 9-5. Any screens (so no tvs either).

On the downside, it does mean a few bored children, and that you (or your H) may have to actually do something with them.

2toe Thu 02-Jul-20 19:24:12

Mine only play games consoles in their rooms, apart from anything being on headsets in family spaces is really intrusive, I would feel like my privacy is being invaded.
Living rooms are shared spaces and everyone should respect that.

PickwickThePlockingDodo Thu 02-Jul-20 19:38:34

Yeah sod that OP.

Get them off the main tv and up to their bedrooms, limit the wifi time too.

Is the living room tv bigger than the ones in their bedrooms by any chance? 😂

MatildaTheCat Thu 02-Jul-20 19:40:16

YANBU at all. Is there any way of making their bedrooms into a cooler hangout space? Beanbags for lounging on or other design ideas to make their rooms more than just a bedroom? It doesn’t have to be expensive.

Make it a project but be definite that the family spaces are just that and their games are for their rooms. If budget allowed would there be scope for a garden cabin/ fancy shed?

bluefoxmug Thu 02-Jul-20 19:43:25

yanbu
reclaim the room.
just use it. tell the dc that you want to watch tv now and they are welcome to join you if they can keep quiet(ish)

is there something you can do to make their bedroom nicer? redecorating?

Lopsil Thu 02-Jul-20 19:44:31

Why should they have to be shut in their bedrooms?

strugglingwithdeciding Thu 02-Jul-20 19:45:42

My kids have consoles in room and even then the shouting is annoying and they are often threatened with turning off if too loud ans they are 17 & 15
Frontroom is for all of us watching tv or chilling etc
Only time consol is downstairs if birthday and extended amount friends round etc
Yanbu

Emeraldshamrock Thu 02-Jul-20 19:45:54

Yanbu. How old are they? Are they all on mobile devices? Do they share a bedroom
As an alternative can they turn one of the bedrooms into a game room.
Not on in the family living area unless they're interacting as a family.

RedScarf Thu 02-Jul-20 19:45:53

@Lopsil why should the OP have to be?

Ohnoherewego62 Thu 02-Jul-20 19:46:59

@Lopsil,

That's where their consoles are.

The OP has no place in her own home as they have perfect space to play but are using the communal area to do so.

The OP feels like she has to tiptoe in her own house.....

M0mmyneedswine Thu 02-Jul-20 19:48:32

We have never allowed gaming downstairs, welcome to join us to watch tv, play board games etc but shouting at friends on video chat is done in the bedroom

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