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So embarrassed by friends. AIBU to ask them to leave tomorrow morning?(412 Posts)
Our friends - a gay couple - who we have been close with for the last 15 years came over to stay. They have had one set of parents, a sister, her baby and their two dogs staying with them for two weeks whilst they wait to move into their new place. They needed a break so we said they could come and stay with us for a few days. They are in our ‘bubble’. We’ve both recently moved from London to the south coast close by - which was a decision we made together really.
DH and I have been friends with them for years. Before DD came along and we were married. We’ve had wild times - but we’ve all grown up....or so I thought.
They arrived with bottle of vodka in tow. It lasted them about an hour until they pulled out another and it went.
We have made friends with our neighbours since we Moved here and have made an active effort to try and integrate ourselves in our new area and street.
I am SO EMBARRASSED by their behaviour this evening. It’s like they regressed to us being 20 again.
By the time DD went to bed, they were screaming in the garden, swearing (C word at the end of almost every sentence), trying to talk to neighbours over the fences. They also love ‘shock values - which was funny when we were kids but really isn’t now and they reverted straight back to it.
I’m embarrassed our neighbours have heard them and worried how it reflects on us. I’m sure they could also hear us trying to sort them out.
I’m also annoyed at DH a little as I was trying to get them inside but was getting no support in that.
Some of the things they were shouting have left me unable to sleep and worried about how it reflects.
They have hearts of gold, and DD adores themes Bhave always been terrible drunks. I don’t actually like being drunk so maybe this has been exasperated because I wasn’t drinking....
I get they were excited as they had a much needed little break from a stressful time, but I really am thinking of asking them to go back tomorrow rather than staying any more days. AIBU? And how should I approach this with the neighbours? Just a quick sorry next time I see them?
They’ve also broken a few bits in the house by falling into them.
Both DH and I are pretty mortified. But also know they’ve been stressed and want to give them an opportunity to unwind.
Unless they apologise profusely in the morning, including to your neighbours, I'd ask them to leave
They'd also only be welcome to stay if they agree with no more alcohol
What did they say? I think you're massively overreacting- did you also have a drink?
If neither household are single adults then they can't be in your bubble and shouldn't be staying anyway.
I would be absolutely fine with them. No apology needed. Tell them to pacifier bags,leave and forget your number
Sorry to go off topic so quickly, but you have thoroughly misunderstood the "bubble" rules. They should not be visiting you, and their assorted family members should not be visiting them, and DEFINITELY not both!
I''d let it go as hopefully they'd be suitably embarrassed in the morning. If they remember any of it!
TinyPigeon The OP has already stated that she didn't have a drink.
Don't think you've understood the bubble thing OP 🤨
I'd be embarrassed too, I'd ask them to leave tomorrow.
One of them did wake up and crawled onto the bottom of our bed and apologised.
They are sweet.
But some of the things they were saying - bearing in mind they have a ‘shock value’ sense of humor....it’s just not funny anymore and I don’t want our neighbours to think that’s us. But the more you tell them to stop - the more it eggs them on.
They passed out by 10pm and I’ve just been worried since.
Misunderstood bubble, and they've spoilt it for all of you. They need to go ASAP.
I don’t get why you had to mention they were gay, that’s irrelevant surely?
What do you understand by the ‘bubble’ idea?
Bubble thing aside, I would text the neighbours you are worried about in the morning. Something like: ‘I know our old friends were very loud and rambunctious in the garden last night. I really hope they didn’t disturb you too much. I’ve given them a stern talking to this morning!’ Then give your friends a stern talking to about not shocking suburban neighbours, a final warning and a coffee when they wake up. Don’t lose a friendship over it.
This is a bit off topic. But bubbles are based on households - from my understanding. And they can stay overnight.
This was all announced on 23rd June.
Although I do understand the merging of their household, but this issue is off topic. They were having issues so we decided to help them out.
@gunpowder this is really good advice. Thank you! x
Op - what I’m going to say probably won’t be popular but it seems they thought you and your DH would join them in drinking. Probably a little embarrassed and drunk, carried on, said outrageous things etc.
But you know.., your neighbours MIGHT have found it annoying, or indeed entertaining.
I’m assuming by referring to their sexual orientation you meant to convey that the shock value remarks were about sex?
Look - everyone has family/friends who misbehave.
I’m sure your neighbours understand.
Or I hope they would.
The world doesn’t have to be serious and grown up all the time.
Did the neighbours get pissed off?
And - at least they were done by 10pm...?
Did you not enjoy any of the time with them?
Could you have told them to stop acting like idiots if they were?
From an outsider perspective it sounds partly like you think being drunk or gay or inappropriate when drunk ( in a non-violent or abusive way) is for younger people ..? (It isn’t).
I hope you can resolve it with a bit of direct honesty...eg look we like you two etc but you can’t come around and embarrass us because our new neighbours probably won’t like it...?
They might surprise you and go to the neighbours to apologise (hint hint)?
Poor you OP. You have just moved to a new area, where nobody knows you, you have tried to make a good impression and your friends have just swiped that rug from underneath you by mortifying you. They sound very immature.
I'm guessing it is an internal conflict regarding the mix of the old you who wouldn't have cared what people thought and the new you, a mum and permanent neighbours who you want to impress.
I don't know if I could say to long term friends that they were no longer welcome, especially as you seem to like them personally but not as they come across to others?. I think you will have to make a decision as to whether they really fit into your new grown up life anymore? And if you don't want to lose the friendship, I think you will have to lay your cards on the table and tell them that when they visit, they cannot go outside shouting, be rude to neighbours, and they must be civil to all your neighbours. I don't know if I'd drop a note around to all your neighbours but I'd apologise in person when I saw them individually and make clear you found them a nuisance yourself.
ETA I understand they weren't trying to be rude, just amusing themselves by trying to shock people). I know people like that (or rather I used to).
A text as a previous poster suggested is a great idea not least because it means you'll have taken action instead of worrying about it.
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You’ve misunderstood the ‘bubbles’ rules.
I don’t think using the c word in a garden where other neighbours can hear is appropriate, many that swear a lot find the word offensive.
I would speak to them in the morning and then judge from their reaction if you wish them to stay.
They are sweet.
They sound like a pair of arseholes, tbh.
You can have people over from the 4th July but should still be socially distancing OP. Before that it only applies to single parents or people living alone.
They can’t stay overnight. A bubble is only allowed between 2 households, one of which has only one adult. Both your households have 2 adults. It’s really not that hard to understand. You’re breaking the rules. YABVVU for that alone.
So if your new neighbours think badly of you it’s your own fault.
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