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AIBU to be sad work didn't get me a gift for new baby?

(110 Posts)
Jennyrob669 Wed 01-Jul-20 22:05:26

Ok so I know in the grand scheme of things this doesn't really matter, but I still feel sad about it.

I've worked with my colleagues for 12 years and have always contributed to staff collections. I received gifts myself for turning 30, marriage and 1st baby. I had my second baby 10 months ago and all I got was an 89p card that not even all the staff signed. I thought I'd receive a gift too, but nothing. It was like zero effort went into it.

I know I shouldn't expect anything, but this happened 10 months ago and I still think about it. I dont know why it bothers me so much! I question if my work friends are actually my friends. Only 1 came to visit me and new baby and they don't really text unless I text them first. I always thought I had a good relationship with everyone, but it seems since I dropped to part time hours, I'm not in the inner circle anymore.

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LaurieFairyCake Wed 01-Jul-20 22:07:02

No ones really bothered about 2nd or subsequent babies confused It's just a close family thing

LaurieFairyCake Wed 01-Jul-20 22:07:50

No ones really bothered about 2nd or subsequent babies confused It's just a close family thing

properjambon Wed 01-Jul-20 22:08:38

I think it's mostly 1st babies that get all that. We'd all chip in for the big 1st baby gift but would only send card/flowers for a 2nd.

MrsKin90 Wed 01-Jul-20 22:13:13

Was the person who usually organises these things off work at the time? Just a thought and you might not know but I organise them where I work or and if I happen to be away, people get a card signed by whoever happened to walk past on the day before the post gets picked up.
It is sad and I imagine hurtful as you thought they cared, maybe try to let it go and focus on all the people who do care.

disorganisedsecretsquirrel Wed 01-Jul-20 22:13:12

That's shit OP , if one of my team were having a baby .. 1st 2nd or 10th .. we would have a collection. New life is for celebrating!

Congratulations from me. thanks

disorganisedsecretsquirrel Wed 01-Jul-20 22:14:42

We are a small team of 12 though .. who know each other really well and have all been together for a decade or more.. maybe bigger set ups are less personal.

Babyroobs Wed 01-Jul-20 22:16:02

I remember with my second I didn't get anything despite him being born prematurely and it being a very difficult time and did feel a bit upset. Since then I have worked in places where people have still got given huge hampers of baby stuff for second and subsequent babies so I think it just depends on the workplace.

CluelessBaker Wed 01-Jul-20 22:16:24

YANBU OP - in my work all new babies are celebrated. We don’t view a baby as less special or deserving because they happen to have a sibling. Sounds like your work dropped the ball and were a hit shit flowers

HakunaRattatas Wed 01-Jul-20 22:17:49

It's not all about you.

Jennyrob669 Wed 01-Jul-20 22:20:57

It was usually me or another staff member who did the collections. The other staff member left a month before I gave birth. The company doesn't exist now, so I won't be working with everyone again! Going forward after my maternity and I find a new job, I'm going to make sure every milestone for every staff member is celebrated. This selfish feeling I've been having sucks, I don't dwell on things at all, but this got to me.

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Griselda1 Wed 01-Jul-20 22:24:17

The workplace collection is the most mysterious and bizarre thing.Sometimes the collector sets the tone for expecting generous donations and if that doesn't happen people can be really miserable. My son works in investment banking and he tells me about well paid staff putting buttons and foreign coins into collections.

JammyHands Wed 01-Jul-20 22:24:58

TBH, I worked in a team of 25 where a quarter of us were off on maternity leave at once, and the collections got a bit wearing. First everyone got married, then they all had babies. You felt as though you were putting your hand in your pocket all the time. I haven't got children and they only thing I ever got was a leaving present and I'd been there 20 years. Even on my 50th birthday, I only got a card. From what you say, you had quite a few gifts.

cremuel Wed 01-Jul-20 22:30:41

I was just thinking this! I’ve just left my job and I didn’t get a leaving present. I know it’s not a big deal and it’s more difficult since we’re not in the office (not that hard though) but everyone always gets something and I feel a bit sad I didn’t. It happened to me with my first baby too (different work). Nothing, not even a card. My boss even asked me to arrange a card and a collection for a colleague who was leaving very soon before my maternity leave started, which rubbed salt in the wound. It’s a bit shit.

Jennyrob669 Wed 01-Jul-20 22:34:28

I think you hit the nail on the head. I'm not crying over this. It's just a bit shit. Every staff member always gets a gift for every major event and I didn't for this particular event.

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OnceUponAMidnightBeery Wed 01-Jul-20 22:36:42

Um... child free here (by choice btw), and I know I’ll get flamed for this. I’d certainly sign your card and give you all my best wishes, contribute to a bunch of flowers, but expecting a gift because of your choice to have a child?

You sound like a nice person OP, this post just seems a little entitled, although I’m sure you’re not.

Good luck with your new job!

Maggiethehorserustler Wed 01-Jul-20 22:37:48

Congratulations on your new baby. But don't expect everyone else to care as much as you do about your baby.

TARSCOUT Wed 01-Jul-20 22:42:05

I think it's probably because you and the other person weren't there to organise a collection.

I'm happy to put in to any collection going for births, weddings and special birthdays however if there comes a point when the main organisers aren't there it simply wouldn't cross my mind to even organise a card.

Beautiful3 Wed 01-Jul-20 22:44:11

Actually thinking about this made me realise I only got something for the first baby too. Nothing for the second and I was signed off work early due to a bad car accident. But I'm not bothered about it. Presents aren't important, family is. Congrats on your new baby.

BackforGood Wed 01-Jul-20 22:44:13

It was usually me or another staff member who did the collections. The other staff member left a month before I gave birth.

Well, there is your answer.
People have been used to the gift organising being done "by someone else", and, in unfortunate bad timing, both those people known as "somebody else" left work at the same time.
It's unfortunate, and YANBU to feel a bit sad that no-one thought to send some flowers, but you can see how it got missed.

Oh, and, much as I get on with my colleagues, and like my Team very much, I wouldn't visit someone at home, unless I also had a strong friendship outside of the workplace.

StripeyDeckchair Wed 01-Jul-20 22:46:45

Congratulations on the baby

I do think you are being a bit unreasonable here. They gave you something for the first child and we all recycle for the next one so dont need much.
Also the company doesnt exist any more. Are they all in touch ? Has everyone got a new job? Or are they struggling financially?

And finally whatever you do in you next job so not become that awful person who insists on a card & collection for every bloody thing. Everyone will hate you and do their best to avoid you.
I go to work to earn money to live. I get on well with my colleagues - it makes life easier if you so. BUT they're my colleagues not my friends and I dont want to be forking out a fiver every week for a baby/birthday/wedding/engagement/divorce/new pet/pet died/what the actual fuck your achievement is.

Jennyrob669 Wed 01-Jul-20 22:48:25

I guess I expected a gift because every staff member has always gotten something when a major event happens. Usually mile stone birthdays, new home, engagement or marriage. We always donated to a charity of the staff members choice if a death occurred as well. It wasn't always new baby! I know it's silly and judging from the replies, my old team just dropped the ball and it wasn't personal.

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Flyingagainstreason Wed 01-Jul-20 22:48:28

How is having a child a major event. There are BILLIONS of people on the earth. Most people have children.
It might be a major event to you and your family, to everyone else it’s bog standard

Jennyrob669 Wed 01-Jul-20 22:51:48

I had the baby before the company went into insolvency. There was no warning. I wouldn't hound people for collections, I would just be on the ball for celebrations. It's personal choice if you want to contribute or not.

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Flyingagainstreason Wed 01-Jul-20 22:53:33

Sorry that actually came out meaner than I meant it to. I apologise. I think it’s a difficult time for everyone and life isn’t normal so don’t be too upset that people haven’t got you something.
Must get out of bed the right side tomorrow.

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