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Spendthrift daughter

(482 Posts)
Zizzagaaaaah Wed 01-Jul-20 12:13:38

My daughter is 16 and has her own debit card which she has had for a few years
at the beginning of the year, I told her that I would be giving her, £85 per month to buy clothes with
Out of this, she pays for her Netflix subscription £5.99- I pay for her phone

She has a love of Brandy Melville clothes, which although aren't wildly expensive - they are pricier than some for bog-standard t-shirt

She needs clothes for college and has so far since April has put in 6 separate orders with Brandy.
each time she has paid £3.50 shipping

Today the postman delivered a package from boots with some bio-oil and dove face wash
She paid £3.50 for the delivery (We have a Lloyds chemist less than 5 min walk and boots and Superdrug in our local small town) We also get a weekly shop from Tesco (the bio-oil is £2.50 cheaper)

She doesn't even think about using her student discount and then moans that she doesn't have enough to buy the things she wants.

I've spoken to her many times but it's falling on deaf ears

I know this is small stuff but it's really starting to annoy me that she doesn't seem to care that she can save money every time she shops, either by waiting and buying more each time (instead of buying a single t-shirt and paying £3.50 to have it delivered) or going to the local shops

Do I ignore it and quietly seethe as it's her money and hopefully when she starts having to earn it herself the penny might drop?

OP’s posts: |
HansBanans Wed 01-Jul-20 12:17:57

That would drive me barmy.

I'd maybe tally up how much she has spent on shipping in the past month along with how much she could have saved by buying elsewhere/using student discount, walking to the shop, etc.

Show her this and let her see that she could have bought xyz if she had shopped smarter e.g. another t-shirt, a takeaway or something. That might put it into perspective for her.

chubbyhotchoc Wed 01-Jul-20 12:27:35

£85 a month? That's tons. She's spoilt. I'd drop it to £50 and see how she gets on.

pasturesgreen Wed 01-Jul-20 12:37:41

She's 16, you've spoken to her already. Let her make her own mistakes.

Although I agree with the poster above who said £85 a month just for extras is loads at her age.

MyOwnSummer Wed 01-Jul-20 12:39:39

Let her moan - she's old enough to figure it out by herself, and that's part of the process of becoming an adult.

CreditCrackers Wed 01-Jul-20 12:39:45

Her money, her choice. She needs to learn by herself. The more you nag her, the more she'll resist changing because if she's ignored you once then she'll be too proud to admit you were right. Leave her to it, she'll realise you were right on your own.

Bagelsandbrie Wed 01-Jul-20 12:39:51

Well it’s her money I guess....! And she has a lot of it. Many adults don’t have £80 odd to spend on whatever they like a month. My dd is 16 - nearly 17 - and I give her £10 a week and expect her to have her own job. She doesn’t at the moment but she normally works on the weekend.

Littlemeadow123 Wed 01-Jul-20 12:42:18

£85 is quite a lot of money, especially to a 16 year old. Getting a bit less each month will give her a healthier respect for money and teach her how to shop more smartly.

Smartanimal Wed 01-Jul-20 12:42:58

Why does she need to buy clothes every month? Send her to Primark once a year with £100. grin That will teach her.

gypsywater Wed 01-Jul-20 12:44:19

£85 isnt loads if she has to buy all clothes/shoes out of it plus all socialising and travel?

pointythings Wed 01-Jul-20 12:44:21

£85 is a lot. My DD2 (17) gets £40. She's a very canny shopper.

SleepingStandingUp Wed 01-Jul-20 12:45:02

I think you have two choices.

1. Leave it. You've mentioned it. If she moans offer to help her look over she's spent her money but that's it.

2. Do a rough tally of wages money and tell her if she can afford to waste the money YOU earn and gift her, she doesn't need it and drop the amount accordingly.

Yes £85 a month seems alot but I assume it's proportional to family income. If I could afford it, I wouldn't want my teens working all weekend whilst studying

Tlollj Wed 01-Jul-20 12:45:58

£85 a month just for herself is loads. Maybe if she didn’t have as much she would stop wasting it.

BarbaraofSeville Wed 01-Jul-20 12:45:58

I suppose all that you can do is that, every time she moans about having no money, remind her about all the money she's wasted on postage (sounds like either £20 or £25 in the last couple of months or so).

If she'd thought on a bit, used the local shop, or combined her purchases to qualify for free delivery, she'd have that money available to buy something else on top of her other purchases and she'd have her items quicker - I can't believe someone pays £3.50 to have toiletries delivered in a few days time instead of going for a short walk to collect them now with no postage charge. That's madness.

Mrsjayy Wed 01-Jul-20 12:52:18

£85 a month for "bits" is a lot you either reduce it or let her get on with it yes it is annoying but it is her money to spend and budget.

eggsandwich Wed 01-Jul-20 12:53:26

My dd is 17 and she gets £50 a month plus she has a job to top that up as well, I’m pleasantly pleased with how well she is managing her money she’s got a debit card and religiously uses her student discount card has a boots advantage card so collects points there and when she buys online she looks for any discount codes.

Mrsjayy Wed 01-Jul-20 12:55:07

She just sees it as easy toget things arrive at the it's like a present ever other day so she is getting a boost. Just keep nagging her. That if she went to Superdrug or wherever she would have more to spend.

MrsPatrickDempsey Wed 01-Jul-20 12:55:32

£85 a month???

Faints.......

Sorry - not helpful

Claliscool Wed 01-Jul-20 12:57:08

85 pounds?!?

Eskarina1 Wed 01-Jul-20 12:58:41

Surely this is why she has a budget, so she learns this for herself. Don't bail her out but let her learn from her mistakea

Mrsjayy Wed 01-Jul-20 13:01:10

I agree once it's gone it's gone.

jessstan2 Wed 01-Jul-20 13:06:29

I think she will learn, op. Not many youngsters are money-savvy at 16 unless they have really had to be.

Personally I'd let her get on with it and make her own mistakes. When she is at college she'll be with others of same age and pick up different ideas which will help her. She may even get a part time job.

You say the £85 a month is for her clothes, is it just for her clothes (& Netflix though why she needs a different Netflix account to yours while still living with you, I don't know)? What about going out, socialising, etc? There hasn't been much of that recently of course but it will change. Most parents buy their children's clothes while they are still in education but I think a clothes allowance is a good idea as long as it is clear that is what it is and not 'pocket money'.

Superscientist Wed 01-Jul-20 13:07:45

Next time she complains about not having money offer to sit down and go through how she has spent over the last 3 months. Add up all the postage etc, do comparisons as to where she could have bought things cheaper and then ask her what she thinks she could change.

With online shopping I only buy something if I decide I still want it three times over a few days. It helps me manage whether it something I really want.

Does she have a savings account? Might be something else to introduce if she moves any of the £85 to a savings account at the end or each month then she can see how much "extra" cash she has for holidays or Christmas etc.

Nottherealslimshady Wed 01-Jul-20 13:07:54

She'll learn, I dont think 85 quid is loads of shes paying for all her clothes, social activities and travel. It's better he make these mistakes now than when shes older and trying to balance bills and stuff.

jessstan2 Wed 01-Jul-20 13:07:59

MrsPatrickDempsey Wed 01-Jul-20 12:55:32
£85 a month???

Faints.......

Sorry - not helpful
..
The £85 is for clothes.

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