Help with my 9 year old

[Isabelle71]

I have a 9 year old who 70% of the time I would say was your 'typical' 9 year old, has lots of friends, academically clever, enjoys playing out, does various clubs etc etc. Then other times I think there's something not right. They were showing signs of dyspraxia, incredibly clumsy, no spacial awareness, difficulty with fine motor skills etc etc. But theres more than that. They went through a stage of having panic attacks just randomly at night. They have major meltdowns . Proper full on tantrums, screaming and crying and throwing themselves on floor like a toddler. Their work is deteriorating to the point u cant actually read their writing. They have developed a sort of a tic where they make random grunting, squealing, coughing noises. It's not all the time or every day by any means but is def noticable when its there. They randomly lie like u will be sat there and they will suddenly scream and shout why did u hit me when their brother hasnt even touched them. They have a 'fake' cry where they just start screaming and crying when they dont want to do something. When I speak to family they say they are just playing up, being naughty but I think theres more to it. I have other children who can be challenging and this is more than just been naughty. Yday they had a breakdown about doing school work and their eyes were literally rolling and jaw was pushing out. Other times they are like a zombie, staring and dont respond when u speak. Sometimes I look at them running and jumping and playing football and think theres nothing wrong then other times they are flopping about can barely hold up their head or a pencil. I've been to a dr about the dyspraxic stuff but I didnt know how to explain the other stuff. I did mention the panic attacks as those were happening at the time but they havent had one for a while. And it's difficult cos they dont behave like this all the time but when they do I'm worried it not 'typical' behaviour. They are also extremely untidy, disorganised, puts clothes on wrong way, get in shower and manages to get out still dirty.

[Isabelle71]

J would describe it as an 'episode's. Gor example they are excellent at maths but when they get into one of these moods they literally cant do 2+2. It's the screaming that's really getting to me it's actually driving me mad when he sreams like that and I have younger children who find it upsetting

[TimeWastingButFun]

Could he be dyspraxic? I would definitely start a diary and take him to the GP. It's such a tough time too with lockdown, which I'm sure isn't helping.

[GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat]

Take him to the doctor? I have a 9yo and I would be concerned.

And if you do, may I advise you speak about him in a kinder context. All this ‘they’ makes him sound like a stranger.

[TimeWastingButFun]

Oh sorry, I missed the bit that you've already been about possible dyspraxia, but really do make a diary and try to see someone (privately if necessary) ASAP.

[Ellisandra]

Odd to assign a gender to the sibling (brother) instead of saying sibling, yet stick to they throughout.

It’s unhelpful for 2 reasons. Firstly, sometimes it helps to share gender when there are potential issues - you can get a lot of potentially relevant help, like - don’t let them fob you off that dyspraxia is boys, or - be aware that ASD girls often present differently.

Secondly - it makes me think that you have a child who is themselves questioning they’d gender. If that’s the case, it could be very relevant to their other behaviour. If they’re not - you’re creating a red herring.

It does sound very tough, you might want to repost in the SEN section too?

[MrsArchchancellorRidcully]

Had it got worse since March? Could it be anxiety or PTSD? Children are showing symptoms of this globally due to lockdown.

[Isabelle71]

I dont refer to them as they. I only wrote it on this post so not be too specific about a personal issue but ofcourse typical mumsnet picking at posters

[Isabelle71]

And no gender issues

[Onceuponatimethen]

@Isabelle21 I hear you. My dd almost 9 has a few similarities and I’m on the verge of exploring asd dx but much of the time dd seems fine. I’m finding all this actually emotionally very hard and just don’t know what to do for the best.

You could seek referral to developmental paed? I wonder about Tourette’s because of the tic-ing?

[Isabelle71]

Thank you Tinewasting I did think dyspraxia but theres also the emotional stuff aswell which I dont think is dyspraxia

[Isabelle71]

Thanks onceuponatime, when they are making the noises I also think tourette's then theres days go by without any noises so then I think not.

[Isabelle71]

Sorry your struggling also

[Norabird]

I think you need to be considering ASD/ADHD/dyspraxia they often run alongside each other. The zoning out is something that really needs looking into as well.

As a starting point, I would read up about ASD etc. and see if you feel like any of it fits. Then you'll have a starting point for a conversation with the GP.

But no, I don't think this falls within the realm of "normal", I think there's certainly something going on and what you need to do now is pinpoint what that is so that you know how best to handle it. Don't delay. These things take a lot of time. School SENCO would be a good place to start. Find out how they are at school and tell them your concerns. They can refer.

[passthemustard]

Emotional/social stuff is definitely dyspraxia. I think you need a paeds referral.

[Forgivenandsetfree]

Interestingly, when you said your child sits and stares into space sometimes, it made me think, there is a type of seizure like that isnt there, barely noticeable..I wonder if that is affecting their behaviour? It's possible it could be linked like that (sorry I don't really know how it would be)

[Onceuponatimethen]

Yes I also Wondered about absence seizures. I know a dx who has these and I would push for an EEG

[Secretescape]

Have you considered PANDAS?

www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/pandas/index.shtml

[Isabelle71]

Thank you for your suggestions I am reading up on them now

[Onceuponatimethen]

No harm in getting an EEG done to be on the safe side if you suspect absence seizures

[Isabelle71]

Just want to clarify we went to the paediatrician and described the physical symptoms and she said it sounded like dyspraxia and referred me to an occupational therapist. I had a questionnaire to fill out as did the school and like i say because DC is like a typical 9 year old 70% of the time the school didnt seem to think anything was wrong although they commented on handwriting that was all. By the time we met with the occupational therapist which was prob almost a yr later I felt his physical symptoms were improving and the school didnt seem to think anything was a miss. She just gave me a few tips to help with his motor skills and we left it at that and by this point I was doubting my judgement. Now the emotional stuff seems to be getting worse. And its particularly the screaming that gets to me. I will go back to the drs but like I say it's difficult as it's more like an off day rather than like behaving that way all the time which is why when I describe it to family members they seem to think its behavioural as DC can control themselves at school but I know deep down this behaviour is not 'normal'

[Onceuponatimethen]

I totally get what you mean Isabelle Because I feel the same about mine. It’s quite scary and unsettling I find.

I wonder whether ringing the national autistic society helpline might be useful? They may be able to discuss any potential concerns around ASD, which could be co-morbid with Tourette’s and a bit of dyspraxia