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Expecting DD to earn some money when she has the opportunity?

(117 Posts)
PearTree1 Tue 30-Jun-20 16:25:47

My daughter is 10 and during lockdown we've had to work really hard as we're very busy with our business. She's spent a lot of time in work with us and we just can't seem to get her to help. She'll actually say she doesn't want to be helpful. We've tried to tempt her with things she could earn, money she could save and then just got cross and taken things away as it's so frustrating she is so unwilling to help.
She doesn't get lots so she's not spoiled and there are a lot of things she would like. She just doesn't want to earn them.

Any tips or are we expecting too much? We adopted her 5 years ago and we don't have any other children so we don't have 10 years of parenting experience. We were also desperate to earn as kids so find it hard to understand.

Help!

OP’s posts: |
Frenchfancy Tue 30-Jun-20 16:29:10

She's 10! I'm all for kids earning some pocket money but that is too young to push it.

NaughtyLittleElf Tue 30-Jun-20 16:29:12

She's 10, surely she should be doing school work and not paid work? It's far too young to be doing more than odd jobs around the house for pocket money.

DocusDiplo Tue 30-Jun-20 16:31:59

Mine wouldn't either. My friends' do. Children are different. Don't make it into a thing.

Aquamarine1029 Tue 30-Jun-20 16:33:12

How much quality time are you spending solely focused on her, not your work. I imagine she's feeling quite neglected and bored being dragged to your work all the time.

Cocobean30 Tue 30-Jun-20 16:34:11

You take things off her because she won’t work at your business? That’s ridiculous. She hasn’t done anything wrong.

Fatted Tue 30-Jun-20 16:35:41

She's 10. Is it not illegal to employ her!?! You're being ridiculous.

PearTree1 Tue 30-Jun-20 16:35:46

I thought she might be too young but it's only 10-20 minutes a couple of times a week.
I'm certainly not expecting her to properly work. I just thought it was a good opportunity for her to learn the value of money and take some pride in earning some treats.
I just find it hard when she point blank refuses to 'help'

We don't need her help, just wanted to instil some helpful behaviours and wondered if anyone had success.
Maybe she is too young to understand.

OP’s posts: |
PearTree1 Tue 30-Jun-20 16:37:18

Also, I don't work full time so she gets attention and time spent away from work. She's rarely here at the moment as we both take time off with her.

OP’s posts: |
implantsandaDyson Tue 30-Jun-20 16:37:48

You've taken things away from her that she already has because she doesn't want to earn extra money? Jesus, she's 10, I've 3 kids - the 9 year old is the one that has found the past few months the hardest - its your job to help her, not the other way around.

Hoppinggreen Tue 30-Jun-20 16:38:09

You are cross because your 10 year old doesn’t want to work in your business?

SchrodingersImmigrant Tue 30-Jun-20 16:38:55

Are you punishing your child for not wanting to be a child labour?
I have no parenting experience and even I see that you have issues. 10 is too young for this. When I saw title I expected you to moan about an 18 year old!

Inthebelljar Tue 30-Jun-20 16:39:14

She’s ten. God almighty ...

Turnedouttoes Tue 30-Jun-20 16:39:34

I definitely think there’s huge value in showing children how things are earned and the importance of work but also they’re all different.

I have two sisters very close in age and one growing up would make money any way she could. She’d offer to make you a cup of tea for 20p or a foot massage for 50p. But the other just couldn’t care less, she’d rather stay at home and be quite content than do something to earn money to go out with her friends

TitianaTitsling Tue 30-Jun-20 16:41:22

I'm intrigued to know business!

SchrodingersImmigrant Tue 30-Jun-20 16:41:45

Just out of curiosity, what is the job you want her to do?

MrsBtobe1208 Tue 30-Jun-20 16:41:48

Doing chores around the house. making her bed, tidying her room (& polish) yes! Working in your business, probably not! I used to do those earlier then 6 and by 10 was bringing up my baby sister myself but I didn't have a choice.

FlyingPandas Tue 30-Jun-20 16:43:26

I would say her response is pretty typical of most 10 year olds, op. They tend to be pretty self centred and unless they are massively financially driven (or desperately want to save up for something) they are unlikely to be incentivised by cash.

When I read your thread title I assumed you’d be talking about an A level or university student tbh.

I think you just need to accept her as she is and stop basing your assumptions on your rose-tinted memories of your own childhood.
Especially given the fact that she was adopted as a 5 year old so I am presuming there is a level of emotional trauma in her background somewhere (apologies if this is not the case though). Especially stop taking things away from her in frustration!

Bear in mind that, like all children, she has lost an awful lot of experienced during this pandemic - school life, seeing friends, the normal childhood that many of us enjoyed. It’s not her fault that you’ve been crazy busy in lockdown.

As a parent of 3 (including a current 10 year old) my tip would be ‘back off and calm down’, and to your question ‘are we expecting too much?’ my answer is ‘Yes’.

PearTree1 Tue 30-Jun-20 16:45:33

Jobs such as sticking stickers onto cards or sellotaping boxes. When I say take things off her I meant screen time not actual items. Just saying 'well if you can't help you can't just sit on your Ipad read a book instead'

I'm not some sort of slave driver, I'm not trying to get cheap child labour, I'm trying to use the extra tine we have with her to teach her the confidence giving aspect of earning a little bit of extra cash, to give her some independence.

OP’s posts: |
Sparklesocks Tue 30-Jun-20 16:46:07

She’s your child, not your employee.
By all means teach her to help out round the house with small jobs but she’s not your intern.

Redroses05 Tue 30-Jun-20 16:48:26

I think the the point point is OP she does not want to do it and like others have said she’s too young. Leave her be.

skylarkdescending Tue 30-Jun-20 16:48:30

Will you still buy her all the things she wants anyway? I'm just wondering if she's thinking what's the point in working for cash when I get given everything I ask for?

Has she ever helped out at all? Did you talk about how she felt and discuss what she might do with her earnings?

Do you talk about money as a family? Does she see you 'saving up' for something then feeling proud when you have enough to buy it?

HellonHeels Tue 30-Jun-20 16:49:46

She's TEN! She should be playing, reading, drawing. Not being pressed into adult concerns about business and making money.

JaniceWebster Tue 30-Jun-20 16:50:37

You are expecting far too much.

You offered, she is not interested, end of the story.
She's spent a lot of time in work with us but is still young enough to be happy occupying herself, not working for you

At 10 (and for many more years), I would DEMAND that my kids do the minimum chores appropriate for their age and get good school results. Anything else is up to them.

You need to discuss with people with more experience, but you adopted a 5 year old who presumably had their whole life turned upside down at least once, the poor thing needs some slack. Not spoiling her rotten, but come on.

ShebaShimmyShake Tue 30-Jun-20 16:51:42

PearTree1

Jobs such as sticking stickers onto cards or sellotaping boxes. When I say take things off her I meant screen time not actual items. Just saying 'well if you can't help you can't just sit on your Ipad read a book instead'

I'm not some sort of slave driver, I'm not trying to get cheap child labour, I'm trying to use the extra tine we have with her to teach her the confidence giving aspect of earning a little bit of extra cash, to give her some independence.

Reading books isn't supposed to be a punishment!

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