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To think DH is being a bit of an arsehole

(26 Posts)
Pumpcushion Tue 30-Jun-20 12:40:04

Back in April I bought /designed what I thought was a lovely personalised gift for DH from DS. I couldn’t wait for him to open it thinking he would love it. He seemed to...and it is still sat in its box gathering dust under a pile of his assorted crap.

I have tried to move it so he can see it, and even actually said I find it quite upsetting that he hasn’t done anything with it or hung it. He says he will put it up on x day then nothing happens. I know it’s small fry but I’m pretty offended by this, especially as I put a lot of thought and effort in.

What would you do in this situation? Or nothing and I am just BU...

OP’s posts: |
Atalune Tue 30-Jun-20 12:41:48

Just hang out yourself.

Atalune Tue 30-Jun-20 12:41:58

It!! Not out

ForeverRedSkinhead Tue 30-Jun-20 12:43:53

Maybe he doesn't like it but doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

Gift giving is tricky. I think a lot of us (me included) are guilty of giving things we like rather than something that's actually suited to the recipient.

Finfintytint Tue 30-Jun-20 12:43:55

You could put it up though.
It’s not nice to have your gift ignored if you put the effort in but maybe he thinks it’s a bit naff.

teaflake Tue 30-Jun-20 12:45:20

Perhaps he didn't want to disappoint you by saying he didn't like it?

Angelonia Tue 30-Jun-20 12:46:07

He's being a bit thoughtless, yes. I think arsehole is a bit harsh though.

dreamingbohemian Tue 30-Jun-20 12:46:46

Can you be more specific about what it is?

Maybe he did like it but doesn't want it hanging up for whatever reason?

For example, my husband is not keen on having big family photos hanging up, which is fine because neither am I, but if I did give him one he would really avoid having to put it up.

WorraLiberty Tue 30-Jun-20 12:47:12

It's a tough one.

I'd be more inclined to hang it if it was actually designed and bought by my child, whether I liked it or not.

If my husband designed and bought it and I didn't really like it, there would be no sense of urgency IYSWIM.

TurnOffTheTv Tue 30-Jun-20 12:54:42

Maybe he doesn’t like it? I’m not keen at all on personalised/sentimental stuff (the kind you get on Etsy etc, coordinates of where we first met that kind of thing)

I wouldn’t want to put it out if I thought it was naff/cheesy.

Did you genuinely think he would like it or was it you that really like the idea of it?

Dozycuntlaters Tue 30-Jun-20 12:57:41

He's not being an arsehole, maybe gifts like that don't mean as much to him as they would to you. Just because you like it doesn't;t mean he does and maybe he doesn't want to hurt your feelings.....you seem pretty sensitive.

BBCONEANDTWO Tue 30-Jun-20 12:59:17

tbf I've had gifts in the past that I really didn't like but you're not going to come right out and say it.

DorotheaHomeAlone Tue 30-Jun-20 13:01:36

This sounds like the worst kind of gift. It comes with the expectation that he do some work and he’s being judged and criticised for his response to it. The gift of stress and guilt. Lovely.

Shoxfordian Tue 30-Jun-20 13:02:34

Doesn't seem as though he likes it

Ellisandra Tue 30-Jun-20 13:19:59

How old is your son? It’s all about you being upset...
I do think that as you said you were upset, it’s rubbish of him to not put it up.
But - you haven’t given enough info. Presumably it’s not 2 seconds to put it up - but find screws, spirit level... probably only minutes of effort, but I have loads of jobs I don’t get round to that I want to do - before anyone else creates work for me!
I made my husband a collage of photos of him from a sport competition. I hung it! It’s less of a present if you actually create another odd job for someone. Incidentally - although he liked it, bottom line, my husband didn’t care that much. He appreciated the gesture more than the collage itself.

Sweeping generalisation here, but in my experience men are less of an enthusiastic consumer of personalised items than women! I expect this was more satisfying what you thought was nice, than him.

diddl Tue 30-Jun-20 13:25:59

The very s´description of it makes me think that he probably doesn't like it!

But as pps have said, just put it up yourself!

WorraLiberty Tue 30-Jun-20 13:29:51

But as pps have said, just put it up yourself!

Bit of a strange place to put it. I was going to suggest the living room wall! shock

LunaNorth Tue 30-Jun-20 13:31:40

@Worra grin

EatsShootsAndRuns Tue 30-Jun-20 13:31:44

grin @WorraLiberty

Pumpcushion Tue 30-Jun-20 13:33:05

Thanks everyone smile I will forget about it and assume he doesn’t actually like it and was being polite - cringe!!!!

OP’s posts: |
Ellisandra Tue 30-Jun-20 13:44:06

I wouldn’t assume he doesn’t like it. There’s a big difference between actually not liking something, and not being bothered about something. In my opinion, people either like personalised stuff or think it’s meh. My sister’s house is full of “best dad” mugs and drawings of names above wellies - mine is not grin

WonderTweek Tue 30-Jun-20 13:52:00

I think I would be a touch disappointed that he didn't love it as much as I did, but I guess you can't force him to hang it up. Could you put it on a windowsill somewhere so it's still on display but no-one actually has to do any hanging? grin

I know what it's like though. I made my husband a really thoughtful present and spent weeks on it (working at night when our demanding newborn had his two minute naps) because I thought he would love it. He was really touched by it and genuinely seemed to like it, but he hasn't done anything with it and it's been sitting on top of a cupboard for three years. It's not something that he would have to use or make any effort with, but it would have been nice if he had looked through it to see what I had made. hmm But it's his gift so he can do what he wants. Now I ask him what he wants and order it.

Aweebawbee Tue 30-Jun-20 14:16:37

DH is exactly the same. He makes the right noises on the day, then dumps the stuff, still wrapped, in his wardrobe. Over the years I've learned that sweets and socks will get more attention than anything else. If I get him tech then I know that I will have to unbox, intall, teach him to use then nag continuously. Art will have to be installed and admired by me and sentimentality is top bedside drawer fodder.

dontdisturbmenow Tue 30-Jun-20 14:30:21

HE doesn't care for it but doesn't want to tell you so not to upset you. Its a pity as you were expecting him to be over the moon, but would you rather he pretended to be over the moon for you to get it wrong again?

LegitSnack Tue 30-Jun-20 14:41:07

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