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Financial abuse

(23 Posts)
GimmeAy Tue 30-Jun-20 09:24:26

I came across this information on my banking website and I thought it might be useful for people in financially abusive relationships, or thinking about leaving. I thought it was good of them to advertise the fact that they are happy to hear from people in abusive relationships financially.

Hope I'm not BU posting it here rather than on relationships - but thought it might be seen by more people on here.

If anyone else's banks have similar specific support, please post also. I just thought it was quite refreshing to hear that it's something they're used to and happy to support with. Might encourage someone scared to speak to their bank, that it's not abnormal or unusual.

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GimmeAy Tue 30-Jun-20 09:26:25

I suppose it just would never have occured to me that a bank might be accustomed to discussing any such a thing, and I'd feel embarrassed. Hope it encourages someone, even one person to get their financial affairs in order if they're thinking of leaving or whatever.

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GimmeAy Tue 30-Jun-20 19:46:17

Just bumping for anyone just home from work.

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Claliscool Tue 30-Jun-20 23:20:28

Thanks for positing - I never knew what it was and I was FA for a very long time. Great that awareness is increasing.

Ghostlyportrait Tue 30-Jun-20 23:28:35

Thanks for posting this. My ex husband left me homeless after forging my signature to open multiple bank accounts, remortgage the house twice, steal an inheritance left to me and to take out £250,000 of loans that were consolidated into loans from multiple overdrafts) in joint names all without me suspecting a thing. I had never heard of financial abuse let alone realise that there were red flags all along if only I had known what I was looking for. If this info can prevent something like this happening to anyone else that would be so good. It took me years to rebuild my life from less than zero to eventually getting social housing and something resembling my life back.

GimmeAy Wed 01-Jul-20 11:42:00

Thanks to both of you for replying. I just hope that someone sees it and realises that banks are maybe a lot like GPs - they've seen and heard everything. I know that I would have been mortified to explain any such a thing to a bank, but that they're specifically mentioning is reassuring. Disclaimer - other banks exist lol. I'm sure they're all familiar with all sorts, so if you have shit going on, or want to extricate your affairs - please feel comfortable discussing it with your bank.

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GimmeAy Wed 01-Jul-20 11:45:46

@Ghostlyportrait I know what it's like to land up shit creek financially. Well done for rebuilding your life and I hope your life is far better and more secure now.

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Ghostlyportrait Wed 01-Jul-20 21:43:24

GimmeAy. Thanks 😊. You sound like you’ve had a time of it too and I hope you are also ok now. I’m going to be in social housing for the rest of my days, but the whole nightmare my ex put me through has made me a survivor and able to fight my corner with strength and determination whenever I need to. It gave me the courage to finally divorce the bastard so while I’m not secure financially, I’m happier than I ever was in my marriage.

GimmeAy Wed 01-Jul-20 21:57:52

I'm also in social housing for the rest of my days, so I know what that's like. But that's a security in itself.

About two years ago I actually asked on here whether it would be advisable to consider taking on a mortgage on this place as at the time I was in permanent employment and feeling good. I mentioned at the time that I had a history of depression and the resounding answer on here was - do not take on a mortgage when you've secure council accommodation. By golly am I glad I took that advice as BAM! 6 months later I was back hit by depression again and on landed on my arse on benefits. I'd have ended up homeless had I taken on a mortgage. So it's not all bad.

I get the being happier than you were in your marriage. While I wasn't ever married I was in one long term abusive relationship and ye, while I wish things had been different and that I had a good partner in my life, I'm content enough now.

I guess there is a world of help out there for people, but sometimes it's even knowing what to ask for that's the problem.

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LakieLady Wed 01-Jul-20 22:27:34

It's great to see that at least one banks is on it. I'll share that with colleagues on the team I used to work in, it's something that crops up quite often in their work.

Thank you for posting, OP.

Griselda1 Wed 01-Jul-20 23:09:23

When you're in a financially abusive relationship it's difficult to see the wood for the trees. I was in a financially abusive relationship for years without realizing. It was prior to internet banking and my statements kept getting lost in the post supposedly. He liked to control with a pretence that he was looking after me and would arrange for my car to be serviced with all sorts of additional and unexpected costs. Through standing close to me at a shop till he realised my pin code and plundered my account even when I'd just given birth to our child.
It's an important subject and one which is often overlooked.

Ghostlyportrait Wed 01-Jul-20 23:58:25

Griselda. I had the supposedly lost in the post statements and the taking over anything to do with household finances on the basis he was looking after me ( I couldn’t see it as actually his need to be in complete control).
GimmeAy. Yes it is a security to be in social housing. I’m glad you didn’t end up with a mortgage. Health is wealth as the saying goes.

GimmeAy Thu 02-Jul-20 00:07:56

LakieLady - I hope other banks pick up on it. I've noticed more awareness during lockdown - I usually watch ITV in the mornings and they're certainly covering a lot about abusive relationships at the moment. Having been in an abusive relationship it can seem impossible to imagine your life without them, even though you hate them as they make you so fucking dependent on them.

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GimmeAy Thu 02-Jul-20 00:10:11

As previous posters comments have illustrated, financial abuse can strip you bare and leave you naked and vulnerable. It's as horrific of an abuse as anything else.

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NeverTwerkNaked Thu 02-Jul-20 01:09:48

My bank (nationwide) was fantastic when I left an abusive relationship. They immediately froze the joint account he had started draining, and were so supportive and non judgemental

GimmeAy Thu 02-Jul-20 08:34:10

NeverTwerkNaked That sounds super of them. They probably deal with cockwombles on a frequent basis. Glad to hear it and glad you're free now.

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LivingThisLife Mon 06-Jul-20 15:14:48

I found one of the major banks way less than supportive when I reported my FA (not by a partner but a family member). They refused point blank to help or investigate. The FA is still ongoing (years later) and there is nothing I can do.
I am glad at least one bank has come out in support. FA takes many forms and is just horrible.

GimmeAy Tue 07-Jul-20 14:31:31

@LivingThisLife Is there any way that you could speak to a different bank? Is it financial abuse against you or a family member? If it's you, could you ring Lloyds and maybe ask to switch?
Also, there are ways out of abuse, which I'm sure you know, but we could maybe help if you wanted to give details - on this thread or in relationships - wherever you feel comfortable posting? There's also Legal Matters on here if it's a complicated situation. Just don't let it roll on for more years, let this horror of a year 2020 be the year that you get things sorted!

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LivingThisLife Tue 07-Jul-20 20:20:15

GimmeA, it's against me, by a family member. I don't want to give too much detail, but I will try to post later in the week if I can. The bank honestly couldn't have been more useless. Thank you for your reply. x

LivingThisLife Tue 07-Jul-20 20:21:46

In brief, though, I can't switch banks because I don't have control of the account. I suspect all of the statements go to their home (where I have never lived) and I don't have any details.

GimmeAy Tue 07-Jul-20 20:50:04

Well the obvious thing is to close the account?

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LivingThisLife Wed 08-Jul-20 20:19:24

Unfortunately I can't; there is a large loan attached to it which they are (thankfully) paying at the moment. They will stop paying if I do anything. Since the bank didn't want o help, I have to wait until the loan is paid, although it does affect my finances.

LivingThisLife Wed 08-Jul-20 20:20:06

I realise I am being vague, sorry. There is a lot more to it. I might post the details in another section to see if I can get any helpful advice.

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