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To wonder why he punched my thighs

(11 Posts)
AskinggggggAskingggggg Tue 30-Jun-20 01:27:41

I am 25 now but when I was 19-23 I dated a guy who was 3 years older than me. He was my first boyfriend. I'm with someone else now.

I havent seen him in 2 years since we broke up but I was lying in bed and for some reason I used to think this was normal and i'll explain now.

He used to jokingly punch my inner thighs. Not as in a small light punch, but proper punch multiple times and then laugh whilst he did it and then afterwards would say "sorry, just got the urge".
He would do this at random times - whether it was midway through a movie or when I first came around to his house.

I suppose i'm posting this as i've scared myself by how neutral I reacted to this. So i'm really posting to vent at myself.
I would just tell him it hurts after he did it or tell him he left a mark and then I would laughhmm

I'm in a completely healthy relationship now so i dont know if i've just suddenly been hit with the thought of how weird it was.
The thing is, he wasnt violent in any other way, just this thigh punching.

I don't really know why i'm posting this in AIBU but I feel like this is one of the best threads on mumsnet for straight to the point comments.
And tbh i'm posting this to rant at my 19-23 year old self

OP’s posts: |
Bluebird3456 Tue 30-Jun-20 01:32:29

Did he know it hurt you or did he think he was being playful? Either way he's a weirdo and I'm glad you're no longer with him smile

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 30-Jun-20 01:35:06

I would just tell him it hurts after he did it or tell him he left a mark and then I would laugh

He was abusive. He just picked that one because he could pretend it was a joke and didn't leave visible marks. Lucky escape.

AskinggggggAskingggggg Tue 30-Jun-20 01:35:47

@Bluebird3456 he knew it hurt as it left marks and i would say after it 'that really hurts' or 'ow ow' as he did it,
I'm just confused why I laughed afterwards, I can't imagine my current boyfriend punching me and then me laughing hmm

I'm glad i'm not with him too , ended up he was cheating on me with many females throughout the 4 years but I have a lovely one now grin

OP’s posts: |
ShinyFootball Tue 30-Jun-20 01:37:39

It's confusing with this stuff.

A lot of women and girls act in ways they can't understand later, with the things like this.

He was an arsehole. You were young. He was wrong not you.

Bluebird3456 Tue 30-Jun-20 01:38:24

Sorry I missed the bit where you said you told him. As for the laughing, nervous laughter? But yes he's a wanker and you're well rid!

anxietyaunt Tue 30-Jun-20 01:39:25

Very odd. Sounds like you dodged a bullet there. I understand what you mean by being concerned you underreacted at the time. I have many of the same concerns for myself when I look back at the sort of things I didn’t bat an eyelid to. It was a poor self-worth that I still have, sadly. Only now I’m more switched onto it and stay vigilant. I suggest you do the same and try to work on your self-worth. flowers

3cats Tue 30-Jun-20 01:40:15

I don’t think your reaction is unusual. I think part of you is scared to react, so you go along with it as a self-preservation thing. Some men are very manipulative and they have a way of making us think that things are normal even though we deep down know they aren’t.

Persiaclementine Tue 30-Jun-20 02:03:30

He enjoyed hurting you/anyone. No normal person would just punch someone out of no where especially someone they are supposed to love. Hes probably someone that would punch and kick dogs and small children too. I'd watch out for him in the news.

jessstan2 Tue 30-Jun-20 02:11:32

It was a weird thing to do and I understand perfectly how you didn't react at the time. Sometimes things are just so odd we can hardly believe it and it's only years later we start to process. What I do find difficult is the fact you were with him for four years! Four months would have been my limit.

I hope you eventually told him not to, especially if it hurt.

Maybe the guy has a girlfriend/wife who posts on here and recognises what he does. I hope so and hope she takes heed of what everyone says.

TehBewilderness Tue 30-Jun-20 02:39:41

They do it there so it won't show and they pretend the abuse is playful so you will react the way you did.
I am so sorry.

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