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No baby gifts from my parents

(150 Posts)
Peridotty Mon 29-Jun-20 23:30:23

How would you feel if you didn’t receive any baby gifts from your parents? No card or gifts. We haven’t seen my parents yet with our 4 week old. We also didn’t receive any wedding gifts from them either.

On the other hand, my husbands family has been v generous. They haven’t been able to visit us, but have given collectively £4000 to put in the baby’s bank account. Also cards from his side of the family.

I feel a bit awkward that my husbands family gives us so much (and they gave us loads for our wedding too-£15,000) whereas mine doesn’t give us anything.

Should I ask for a card? Is that being grabby. Thanks !

OP’s posts: |
occa Mon 29-Jun-20 23:32:15

Neither I nor exDP ever got anything from our parents when our DC were born. Didn't realize this was a thing tbh.

climbingcorfecastle Mon 29-Jun-20 23:33:23

Yanbu, that is very odd for your parents to not even acknowledge the birth of their grandchild with even a card.


Timeforredwine Mon 29-Jun-20 23:33:48

Hi I dont think it's too much to expect a card for a happy event but some families dont tend to lavish gifts and others will always respond. What are they like generally in terms of birthdays xmas etc

AnneLovesGilbert Mon 29-Jun-20 23:33:52

No you shouldn’t ask for a card! Congratulations on your baby. Your inlaws sound extremely wealthy and very generous, unusual and fortunate. Your parents are clearly not ones for gifts so I guess while you’re understandably disappointed it wasn’t unexpected.

You can’t say anything.

Yester Mon 29-Jun-20 23:36:26

Your in laws sound loaded. Have your parents show interest in your baby? Did they pay towards the wedding?

ArtichokeAardvark Mon 29-Jun-20 23:36:57

Maybe they are waiting to see you and the baby in person?

faithfulbird Mon 29-Jun-20 23:41:43

Don't ask for a card. In some families it's common to give big presents ( technically would expect something in return sometimes too in the future) and in others it's not. Don't compare your parents with your in-laws. Maybe your in-laws show love through presents or whatever and you parents through other gestures (baby sitting). I wouldn't worry about it or look down on them.

Wheresthebiffer2 Mon 29-Jun-20 23:43:18

Maybe they'll bring a card and gift when they finally get to visit, and meet the baby?

faithfulbird Mon 29-Jun-20 23:45:49

Forgot to add in my experience mother in law sent a big box of gifts full of clothes blankets etc when DD was born. But we had to gift her some money as she ran out the same month. It's always the same story. Meanwhile my parents didn't buy anything straight away, but they gifted clothes toys etc every time they saw something they thought she might like once she started getting older. She's 3 now and it's the same. MIL will only give something if DH gives her money first.

yellowsunset Mon 29-Jun-20 23:50:00

Yes it's grabby.

WiseOwl69 Mon 29-Jun-20 23:56:04

You can’t ask for a card. And if you did what meaning would it hold anyway? “Ah look at the lovely congratulations card my parents sent us after I asked them to!”

I can’t imagine not giving a gift to my child on their wedding day, or a gift on the birth of a grandchild. Not about the money, even a card is worth something sentimental. So I do think it’s shitty of them, but I’m not sure what you can do to change it.

Out of curiosity did they give you birthday presents as a child?

converseandjeans Mon 29-Jun-20 23:58:36

Ah that's sad - I get the impression it's not the amount more the lack of thought. Even on a low income most grandparents would buy a gift.
Mine bought the buggy and in laws bought a cot bed.

GrumpyHoonMain Tue 30-Jun-20 00:05:55

Do you think they are waiting for you to tell them what you want?

DamnYankee Tue 30-Jun-20 00:07:27

That's very strange.
No, you can't ask for one.
In our family, adults don't give each other Xmas gifts, because we're all buying for the little ones, but every wedding and birth has been celebrated with at least a card.
Sending you congratulations!
Your in-laws sound like sweethearts!

MrsEricBana Tue 30-Jun-20 00:09:52

My dps didn't give us anything either, I don't expect they even thought of it and nor did I until now.

ProseccoBubbleFantasies Tue 30-Jun-20 00:12:36

My parents didn't buy us a wedding gift, but they paid for the wedding. That was an incredible gift.

I don't think they brought us anything when our DD was born either, but they've been incredibly wonderful and loving grandparents. I didn't expect a gift from them for that in any case.

The only scenario I can think of that makes it ok to ask for a card is if you're planning to keep to gove to your child in the future.

Congratulations on the birth of your baby flowers

jacks11 Tue 30-Jun-20 00:13:07

My parents didn’t send a card. I didn’t expect one either. They congratulated us in person. Given the current situation, that hasn’t been possible but I assume they’ve talked to you on the phone/FaceTime etc and have congratulated you? If they’ve not shown any interest at all, that would be odd and hurtful, but not sending as congratulations card seems fine to me. I wouldn’t ask for one- that is odd and it also would be fairly meaninglessness, I’d have thought. They might want to give their gift in person for all you know.

It’s nice that your in-laws wanted to give gifts and money- very generous. But it’s not the only way to show love and excitement over a new grandchild/baby in the family. If you start off equating volume/value of presents to the degree of care, you’re not off to a good start.

PyongyangKipperbang Tue 30-Jun-20 00:38:25

My parents have never given cards but usually they have been the first to see the babies so I didnt expect cards but they have always bought something for them. I would consider it odd to not buy a gift for your grandchild when they are born.

I would agree that its not the cost of the gift but the thought (or lack of).

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite Tue 30-Jun-20 01:47:18

You don't ask for a card. What is the point of that? If they weren't going to buy one then buying one just because you ask is meaningless. It could be that they are planning to give you a card congratulating you on your baby when they see you and the baby.

I would be shocked not to receive gifts as it is just something our family does but I appreciate not everyone does. Your in-laws are clearly well off and I know no-one who has ever received £4k as a gift for baby. Most people I know receive gifts like a cot or a pram/pushchair plus a cuddly toy as a big present from a parent.

Are your parents loaded? If not then stop comparing them (unfavourably) to your DH's parents. It's easy to give money if you have it but, to me, giving money shows a lack of thought.

Housewife71 Tue 30-Jun-20 02:06:43

My parents didn't give a me gift for either of my babies. They always send a Christmas and Birthday present for them but there was no gift after their births. I don't remember my Mother sending anybody a new baby present.

If they haven't seen the baby yet though, how do you know they aren't going to give you anything when they see you?

You shouldn't expect a gift from anybody. You cannot ask for a card either!

roxfox Tue 30-Jun-20 02:19:04

My Mum didn't get me a gift for baby shower which was fine as i asked the organiser, a very dear friend to tell people not people not to feel obligated. She came to the hospital hours later with nothing for the baby, never got us a card. She brought blueberries I couldn't wash and avocados I couldn't cut -presumably for a smoothie. Didn't have a fridge at the hospital obviously. She also got us a mini bottle of champagne- breastfeeding!!

Eventually when baby was 3 weeks or so old she asked what we might still need and e fed up buying a fancy Moses basket. Baby was then 4-6 weeks old can't remember exactly and wouldn't sleep in it.

I keep all my cards in a memory box have done since childhood. She knows that it would've meant a great deal to have brought a card.
Not getting anything for the baby was a passive aggressive move on her part, and she brought the food items to avoid showing up with empty hands. Major CF. I should go NC with her really but I don't know if I ever will.

Don't ask for a card op, hold strong x

1forAll74 Tue 30-Jun-20 02:25:31

Stop talking about the money and presents given by one set of parents, and comparing your own parents to them. It is not how you should view things in life. You have a new baby, so this is the nicest gift of all.

flirtygirl Tue 30-Jun-20 02:35:02

Its.not.about the gift. It s about the thought.

Of. They never give a thought then I would think them uncaring. The other side is very generous but I would still think your parents uncaring if there is not thought.

What are they like in other ways, op?

MaintainTheMolehill Tue 30-Jun-20 02:40:30

I would wait to see what happens when they meet your baby.

Your IL's lavish gifts are not the norm for anyone I know and I wouldn't bring it up to your parents who may not be in a position to do that. Wait to see what their actions are and if they are good grandparents, that's way more important than a card.

Congratulations on your new arrival flowers

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