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Safest travel option. Leaving DV but vulnerable to Covid

(23 Posts)
AbcdAbcdXyz Mon 29-Jun-20 23:26:56

Vulnerable to coronavirus. Health related.
Can't drive. What's safest out of:
Finding someone to drive me - friend, neighbour, volunteer (maybe Corona volunteer).
No children in case it's relevant. Just me.

Sorry, I know not AIBU and I've also asked the question under my other username but it's buried in a long and sort of now zombie thread. Cant think straight and need opinions.

Train: Maybe easier to distance from others than a cab or car, but I'm in London where transport is still fairly busy. Worried too about air con on tube and train spreading the virus. I feel panicky about busy hubs like central London.

Cab. I can afford a cab and would prefer that. It's so hard and frightening to leave and being able to take some of my sentimental and important possessions would help me cope more.
I'm scared though about confined space close to driver, and the risks from previous maybe asymptomatic passengers.
Also freaking a bit about being on my own with a man. I know women are cab drivers too but not as many. Chances are it will be a man. Rationally I know he'll be safe but mentally freak about it.

Friend or volunteer. He's cut me off from everyone but I think a couple of old friends would help if I asked. Can't be certain as it's been years since we spoke. We occasionally message briefly on birthdays, Christmas.

Or I could ask a neighbour or Corona volunteer. I'd pay petrol and extra.
Risks are same as cab. Friend and neighbours both been going out. Neighbour working out of home and friend has kids who are at school mixing with many others.

So no really safe option but what's the least dangerous. I'm panicking about leaving and still trying to not back out and lose courage. Can't think straight.

I've NC in case anyone recognises me. I've been posting about my relationship and the situation for a while. Terrified to leave. The fear has been paralysing. I know a lot of people lost patience.

Things are escalating and I really need to make myself leave asap. By the end of this week. Before lockdown eases. Have a couple of options (for a long time thought I didn't) so the issue is now transport.

I'm terrified.

OP’s posts: |
crosseyedMary Mon 29-Jun-20 23:35:29

Hi Abc
Others who are more knowledgeable in this area will be along soon, I want to wish you strength and god speed.
My initial thoughts are have you tried the police services etc that are available to help victims of domestic violence during the pandemic?
The transport, I feel as if a cab might be better, the driver will have the same concerns as you and will be used to dealing with people who need to be very cautious because they are vulnerable?

Murmurur Mon 29-Jun-20 23:41:56

Any of the above. Train would be my least preferred option I think. A taxi driver is more likely to wear a mask and disinfect before you get in, friend or neighbour will have had fewer people in the car so call it quits. My local taxi firm is supplying masks and gloves for customers now. A volunteer seems a less good option than neighbour, friend and taxi to me unless trust is the issue. Lots of good wishes. You can do this.

crosseyedMary Mon 29-Jun-20 23:46:29

A cab also seems much more flexible/ easier to organise sounds like you're concerned about the amount of luggage that you can take with you would you be able to organise that with the taxi company in advance?
I'm wondering if there is anything that you can do to help you to feel calm whilst in the car with a man if that's the situation that arises, maybe message with a friend while you're in the cab?

crosseyedMary Mon 29-Jun-20 23:48:42

Don't back out, you've come this far
you can seize this opportunity

Sarahplane Mon 29-Jun-20 23:49:32

A black cab would have a screen between you and the driver and disinfected, wear a mask if you can and wash your hands when you get to your destination. Also will be strictly licenced and police checked. Less risk of your ex finding out where you have gone this way too rather than if a neighbour took you. Police may also help you get there. Good luck op.

SleepingStandingUp Mon 29-Jun-20 23:49:45

All the cabs have that plastic covering between driver and passenger, certainly under does so I'd call an uber and pack disinfectant wipes in your hang bag to wipe down handles etc when you get in.

Well done for getting this far. Keep going, you're so nearly free
Good luck x

Turnedouttoes Mon 29-Jun-20 23:53:55

OP if you get in an Uber now both you and the driver have to wear a mask so that’s pretty safe. I’ve also seen some recently who have added a plastic sheet in between the front and back seats for even more protection.

Also depending on when you leave the train could be a good option. I’m not sure where in London you are but everyone has to wear a mask and the couple of trains I’ve got on recently going from central London out to zone 2/3 have been very empty. Obviously this isn’t peak time though.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do x

TokyoSushi Mon 29-Jun-20 23:58:08

How far do you have to travel? I think that would help make the decision for me.

Hope you're ok.

Tillygetsit Tue 30-Jun-20 00:01:08

I agree with everyone else that taxis are your best option. Well done for being so brave. Just this step to go then a whole new life awaits.
Best of luck OP flowers

Crosswithlifeatm Tue 30-Jun-20 00:03:23

Can to the mainline station where you can get a trolly to put your things on,and helps with keeping a distance,check the platform on line so you can go directly there.
Taxis are relatively safe,minimal talking,no coughing means small chance if transmission.
But you know your risk from Covid is so,so,so much smaller than your risk from staying.
Good luck and do not let Covid be an excuse not to

Lightsareon Tue 30-Jun-20 00:07:53

I would go for a cab in your shoes OP, taking everything you've said into account. Good idea above about messaging/staying on phone to a friend, or even arrange to PM someone on here if there's no one you can ask, I would do that if needed. It's a risk however you travel but a calculated one when set against remaining in a DV situation. Keep being brave, you're almost there flowers

sergeilavrov Tue 30-Jun-20 00:25:14

My dad is a taxi driver, and he sanitises his car fully between journeys including cleaning the seats. Lots of drivers, like him, also will help you out for free given the situation and make sure you’re safe/get all your stuff. He wears a mask, and is also a corona volunteer. If you’re in the Tyneside area, let me know, but I do think taxi will be safest in general as most drivers are being really responsible. You can tell the office the situation, or at least that you’re vulnerable and they will book you a driver who is known to be conscientious and responsible. There are also female drivers, or they can pick up a friend on the way to your house. You can do this flowers

AbcdAbcdXyz Tue 30-Jun-20 00:27:22

Thank you so much.
Police have been involved but I can't face it again. Not strong enough. For a long time I was too scared to get help from DV services but I've been referred now and waiting to hear from them. GP support too. I just need to make myself leave now.

I think you're all right. A cab is the best option. Black cab screen is good. Apart from the virus it would separate me more from a strange man. I'm leaving London though. A black cab would be very expensive fare. I've seen reasonable fixed in advance prices from other cab places. Might be worth paying extra for the safety. I'll think overnight.

Can I ask how you would feel if a friend or neighbour asked you to drive them? No good relationship with the neighbours. They've called the police in the past but don't like me (or him).

Would you help a friend you hadn't spoken to for years? I understand if you wouldn't. It helps to know how other people feel. She's busy with her children and doesn't live nearby. We haven't been close for years.

Scared to try other friends. We have mutual friends.

One more question. Sorry, it's hard to get through to the help and chat lines. I've got several refuge options (I didn't think I'd get one) but didn't want to put them off me by asking too much.
I think the answer is no but hope it is yes. Will I be able to get food deliveries to a refuge? I know the address usually has to stay secret.

It's not loads of luggage. Maybe three or four bin bags. I think it all fits in a cab but I'll call and check in advance.

I've not been strong enough to leave. The fear is genuinely paralysing, but Im willing myself to do it this time.

OP’s posts: |
Fairybatman Tue 30-Jun-20 00:28:43

If you are outside London I would have said train.
Overall passenger numbers are really low especially non-commuter services outside the capital.

Wear a mask and change clothes when you get to your destination.

Tyjaro75 Tue 30-Jun-20 00:35:59

If I was a friend that you hadn't spoken to in years and you called me for help, I would come straight away. Realistically they would have a good idea on why you have been cut off from them and would want to help you escape that situation.

Good luck xx

AbcdAbcdXyz Tue 30-Jun-20 00:40:26

Thank you so much again.
I replied before seeing some of your replies.
Thank you @sergeilavrov that's so kind of you. Your dad sounds like such a lovely kind man helping people. I know most men are decent.
I'm still sorting out exactly where I'm going. I have several options (for a long time I thought I'd have nothing) and need to decide asap.
I'd definitely want to pay whoever drove me but it's so good to hear some cab drivers are helping for free. I tried to leave a few years ago but at the time had no money even for a train. I've saved some now but I know other women will be how I was.

Thank you again for all the replies.

OP’s posts: |
crosseyedMary Tue 30-Jun-20 01:31:21

Sending you strength🙏💙

ElzP Tue 30-Jun-20 01:49:33

Hi op

No you can't get food delivered to the refuge as it is a safe address that you can't disclose.

Most refugees give you a bag of food when you arrive .... some give you weekly food bags and then you can walk to a local Tesco / shop.
I'm currently in a refuge and that's how our one does it; but different ones have different rules.

But all of them have been no deliveries of food or amazon/online shopping to be delivered to the refuge.

Good luck smilebiscuit

SleepingStandingUp Tue 30-Jun-20 09:35:22

Would you help a friend you hadn't spoken to for years? I understand if you wouldn't. It helps to know how other people feel. She's busy with her children and doesn't live nearby. We haven't been close for years.
Yes. I don't drive, so I'd offer anything I could do to help. If I drove and you called and said you needed help leaving your abusive ex and there was no one else you could trust I'd come and get you.

LaurieMarlow Tue 30-Jun-20 10:04:29

Take a cab. Wear a mask, use hand sanitiser.

Good luck.

yelyah22 Tue 30-Jun-20 10:23:34

There are plenty of women-only cab services, if that would help! You can google for specific ones close to you, or request a woman when you call to order :-)

Fairybatman Tue 30-Jun-20 10:50:41

Good luck OP x

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