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To feel hurt by her actions

(15 Posts)
AprilSB1 Mon 29-Jun-20 21:27:19

NC for this. DS got a girl pregnant and has nothing to do with his (now 4 year old) child. The rest of our family do, however. Although I never knew the girl, we had all grown very close and I supported her through some very tough times in her life. She doesn't have much family support. My own DD is now expecting a little boy, her first baby and since then my grandchild's mother has become quite cold towards us. I feel like this might be because she wasn't informed of the pregnancy and didn't know until a late stage, where she found out on Facebook (DD's decision). I know it sounds a bit selfish of me, but I really miss my close relationship with her and our chats. I can see that she is moving on with her life and is now doing well after a terrible time which is great but feels strange after being her support system for so long and now not really being part of her life apart from to see my grandchild.

OP’s posts: |
IWillNotNameTheTree Mon 29-Jun-20 21:29:12

Could you send her a message letting her know you miss her, and that you’re thinking of her?

AprilSB1 Mon 29-Jun-20 21:30:21

I was thinking of doing that, but nothing has really "happened" to justify me doing that. She has just become quite distant.

OP’s posts: |
IWillNotNameTheTree Mon 29-Jun-20 21:41:45

Well how about inviting her for a cuppa? What did you used to do together? Maybe if you can see her face to face you can ask if something has upset her.

It’s a shame to do nothing if you were so close before. Also, if you have any daughter in law vacancies please let me know - you sound lovely.

chateaukaleidoscope Mon 29-Jun-20 21:44:17

How can your son not have anything to do with his child?

OoohTheStatsDontLie Mon 29-Jun-20 21:46:08

She is probably feeling a bit insecure, that your new grandchild might mean less time for her and her child, and distancing herself a bit so it doesnt hurt as much if she turns out to be right. So I'd start by reassuring her. Message her and say you haven't seen as much of her recently and you miss her, ask her round for a drink or whatever

Tinyhumansurvivalist Mon 29-Jun-20 21:53:07

Perhaps she is worried that now your dd is having a baby her child will be pushed out and forgotten?

Talk to her, invite her round, explain nothing will change, she is still family, grandchild is still massively important to you etc.

She's probably scared she will lose you all!

AprilSB1 Mon 29-Jun-20 22:14:45

I think you are all probably right and she is feeling insecure and doing this as a way to protect herself. Poor thing, she has been let down by so many people in her life. It is hard now only finding things out about her through what my young grandchild tells me. I know she has her own life but we were so close and used to share a lot. Now she won't even tell me the exciting news. sad I miss her very much, I class her as another daughter. I think a chat is needed, but is isn't easy when she now only really communicates about grandchild .

OP’s posts: |
YankeeDad Mon 29-Jun-20 22:21:55

If you like her and care about her, and tell her that, then only good could come of it. Even if she stays distant, it could make her feel better about herself and help her to be a better mother. And maybe it will make her feel safe enough to be close to you again.

ItWorriesMeThisKindofThing Mon 29-Jun-20 22:25:58

It’s unusual not to tell a close friend (family, really) about a new grandchild on the way. I’d be hurt if I was her.

StillCoughingandLaughing Mon 29-Jun-20 22:30:34

Perhaps she is worried that now your dd is having a baby her child will be pushed out and forgotten?

I agree. She’s probably already a little bit cautious because your son isn’t interested. Now she might be thinking ‘The whole family will be involved in this child; we’re the poor relations who will get forgotten’.

Can you make a bit of a fuss of her and your grandchild? Not easy in these times when you can’t just pop around, but could you send her a ‘thinking of you’ gift or something?

Somethingkindaoooo Mon 29-Jun-20 22:33:33

Just treat her like your own child. Just be there, be steadfast, don't retreat.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay Mon 29-Jun-20 22:39:45

Maybe you've heard/seen less of her because of covid/isolation/distancing etc? - maybe unrelated to impending granddaughter?

No harm in sending her a note/text saying that you've missed seeing her recently and suggesting you meet up.

snowybean Mon 29-Jun-20 22:52:47

Could be a mix of both lockdown/social distancing and a new grandchild on the way. She's probably upset that she didn't hear about it directly, and instead found out about it through Facebook.

Don't give up - keep trying to see her.

MuddlingThrough1724 Mon 29-Jun-20 22:56:02

I wonder if she is worried that the new grandchild will displace her child? No harm in a kind message to her to see how she is getting on and asking if she would like to catch up sometime as you miss her and her child very much? Your DD's pregnancy wasn't your news to share, and I would hope that a grandparent wouldn't "ditch" one grandchild as soo a s another comes along, but could understand why she might worry about that give the circumstances.

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