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Who is BU? Need some perspective

(40 Posts)
FrostyGirl66 Mon 29-Jun-20 20:22:32

Little scenario. I'm not saying who's who, I just need unbiased views please.

Persons A and B are married with two daughters aged 5 and 9.

Person A's sister messaged person B to let them know she has bought a present for eldest daughter and can she come round to give it to her.

Person B said yes but can you make it tomorrow when youngest daughter is at school. Reason being youngest won't understand why she hasn't been given anything and will feel like an obvious display of favouritism, which person B felt was not fair.

Just to note, it's no ones birthday and there hasn't been any occurrences when person A's sister has given youngest daughter a present and not eldest. Persons A and B and daughters don't see person A's sister very often (not sure if that has any relevance).

Person A can't understand why person B insisted on youngest not being there and that she'll have to toughen up eventually, why not now.

Views please. Who's BU? Thank you for reading!

OP’s posts: |
Wecandothis99 Mon 29-Jun-20 20:24:34

It's not about A or B. Why is that sister buying one present!! She's the villain

bigchris Mon 29-Jun-20 20:27:02

Hard to follow, can't you just say who is who

letmethinkaboutitfornow Mon 29-Jun-20 20:27:56

Auntie is BU! 🤷🏻‍♀️

Homemadearmy Mon 29-Jun-20 20:29:29

There isn't really enough context there really. I think it depends on what the present is?
I don't think necessarily both children should get a give if one does. But day it was a tennis rachet for a hobby. I don't think that needs to be hidden. But if it was something more a toy, I'd question the giver to see why she bought for one and not the other

Aquamarine1029 Mon 29-Jun-20 20:31:39

The sister is being horrible. To bring one niece a random present and nothing for the other niece is very cruel. I can't imagine this sister has any children of her own to something so daft.

AIMD Mon 29-Jun-20 20:39:37

Erm ....
Is there a specific reason for the present for one child, like a shared interest or as a well done for an achievement, or is it just random?

If she just randomly bought one child a gift and not the other that does seem unreasonable and I’d say person whoever didn’t feel that was right was reasonable.

Singlebutmarried Mon 29-Jun-20 20:40:51

Why buy just the one? What’s the reasoning behind that?

Did DD5 shit in her shoe last time she visited?

HunterHearstHelmsley Mon 29-Jun-20 20:42:29

I don't necessarily think anyone is being unreasonable. The auntie may have seen something for one of the children this time. Sometimes I'll have a "saw this and thought of you" moment for one of my siblings children. I wouldn't always buy something for both children. There would be another time when I would buy for the others.

FrostyGirl66 Mon 29-Jun-20 20:43:11

Thank you for your reply's. Sister has a 15yr old 3yr old and 1yr old.

The present was a couple reading books from a series eldest daughter loves.

I know the sister (auntie) is the person in the wrong, but I just needed her hear other people's opinions on if person A is being unfeeling and harsh, or person B being soft and too sensitive.

OP’s posts: |
MissRabbitIsExhausted Mon 29-Jun-20 20:43:33


Why buy just the one? What’s the reasoning behind that?

Did DD5 shit in her shoe last time she visited?

Sorry this really made me laugh!
But I agree, why buy for only one?

FrostyGirl66 Mon 29-Jun-20 20:43:51

Absolutely no reason for the gift.

OP’s posts: |
BeingATwatItsABingThing Mon 29-Jun-20 20:44:25

I’m the one who always argues that siblings shouldn’t get presents on the other one’s birthdays but to buy one child a random present and not get something for the younger child feels mean!

The sister is being unreasonable. OP, I’m guessing you’re person B.

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite Mon 29-Jun-20 20:47:40

Person B, you need to tell your SIL it isn't on to buy a present for only one of your DC unless it is their birthday. You need to tell your partner/husband that there are indeed times to help your DC become more resilient/ toughen up and this ain't one of them.

He (A) is definitely being unreasonable.

tempnamechange98765 Mon 29-Jun-20 20:53:04

When I was little my DGP brought a present for my older sister and not me, not on a birthday or anything. I was so hurt and still remember it now as an adult.

Person A is BU.

octobersky19 Mon 29-Jun-20 20:53:30

Can't buy one without the other

TitianaTitsling Mon 29-Jun-20 20:55:50

Did she purchase the books or are they ones her own children had finished with?

OuzoWoozo Mon 29-Jun-20 20:56:50

If its just books, then I can't see what the issue is. If it was something bigger than that, then maybe I would think differently. Maybe something tokenistic to placate the younger one, but not really necessary.

nokidshere Mon 29-Jun-20 20:57:04

What is the point of person A and B?

No one brings presents for one child only unless it's their birthday. End of. It's completely out of order. I wouldn't have said wait till little one is gone, I would have said bring it round when you've bought something for the other or not at all.

Waveysnail Mon 29-Jun-20 20:58:51

Are these books her own 15 year old has finished with?

FrostyGirl66 Mon 29-Jun-20 20:59:34

Ok yes I'm person B. Just wanted unbiased thoughts.

I think I'm going to have to say something to her. She comes over tomorrow. It's not a big deal this time as my youngest will be at school. But next time I may not get warning to make sure the other child is not around.

Birthdays is one of only a few times one of my children will get presents and the other not.

My husband has a few old school thoughts when it comes to bringing up children! I think it comes from his childhood of not having a very good supportive family and he had to toughen up from a young age (nothing abusive)

Thanks for your thoughts.

OP’s posts: |
Notthetoothfairy Mon 29-Jun-20 20:59:48

I was going to agree with you that your SIL should only give the gift when youngest is at school but then saw that the gift was books. Books aren’t as exciting as a toy and can easily be passed down to the next child so I’m with your partner on this one.

FrostyGirl66 Mon 29-Jun-20 21:00:45

New books she bought.

OP’s posts: |
nanbread Mon 29-Jun-20 21:00:55

Going against the grain here - if she knows the girl loves those books, happened to see some and grabbed them why shouldn't she give as a (thoughtful IMO) gift?

I don't buy books for my own children at the same time, I buy by need / if I see something I think they would like. Same with clothes. They don't automatically get something at the same time and I personally think that attitude encourages rivalry between siblings as they are seen as competing entities rather than individuals.

Pipandmum Mon 29-Jun-20 21:05:19

I agree five is too young to understand why a sibling would get a random gift and they wouldn't.

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