To expect ex to have dc more than twice a month?

[ImLosingMyMarbles]

Nc as previous postings may be outing.

Ex and I split up (my decision) at the beginning of the year. He moved into a house share at first and has just moved into a 1 bed cottage. He works full time and has every other weekend off Saturday-Monday inclusive.

Currently he sees the dc on a Thursday afternoon and a Sunday 10-6 ish.

First issue is that one dc is starting to go back and do their sports. Training/fitness just once a week all socially distanced etc. Hopefully when things are eased more the matches will be on a Sunday. He wants dc to drop the sport as the training and matches fall on 'his days'....how do I approach this as it's something our dc loves?

Second bigger issue is that since lockdown i haven't spent any time with any other adult. No socially distanced coffees etc. No family nearby. Friends are shielding (continue to choose to shield which is obviously understandable). Nothing. I've 3 dc (one with additional needs)
I feel very very very low. I'm emotional and crying more, I've no motivation. I genuinely need a break for a few days from the dc. I know this sounds like I'm an awful mum. I'm welling up just writing this.

I asked ex a month ago to think about having the dc overnight once a week. Maybe one long weekend a month that he's off. He's suggested he have them on the night our dc has his sports training, once a week.

The issue I have is my family is 200+ miles away, I'd have around 17 hours on a thurs pm until fri am when they are at his and it's not enough time to really travel to see my family, spend time with them and get back. Ex said he has things he wants to do on his weekends and long weekends so it's difficult for him to have the dc. I've also suggested he stay in this house with the dc as there's more room but ex is having none of it

What do I do? Am I bu wanting him to have them one long weekend a month? Do I just go on his terms as I wanted the marriage to end?

[bridgetreilly]

He wants dc to drop the sport as the training and matches fall on 'his days'....how do I approach this as it's something our dc loves?
Then Ex gets to take dc to do his sport. Like a real parent.

[sunflowersandtulips50]

No UR at all to expect a father to have his DC, i would have thought two weekends a month would be normal

[SleepingStandingUp]

Of yo ure nu but sounds like ex is trying to see the as little as much. Wanting kids to drop their activity in over to see him a sounds like he's either getting to make them prove their love and hm, force you to be b ad parent who stops it, or avoid seeing them if you insist they keep going. Why H e have them any other night? Was he disinterested when you were together?

[ImLosingMyMarbles]

He's never really been fussed whether the dc do extra curricular things or sport and even when we were together he'd moan of they weren't on days convenient for him, so I'm not surprised he's moaning

He was very much Disney dad when he had the house share as he couldn't take the dc back to his really, so it was picnics and being out all day etc. Last two sundays they've stayed in the cottage playing xbox and doing a bit of school work all day

[bridgetreilly]

Unfortunately, if he's not willing to put himself out for his own children, it seems extremely unlikely he's going to want to do it for your sake, OP. I'm sorry.

[HugeAckmansWife]

It's absolutely crap but ultimately you can't force him to want to spend time with them or facilitate their hobbies. My ex does eow and in the first year or two after he left would tell me I was 'disgusting' for wanting more time off from the children. Please don't feel bad for wanting or needing your own space. As for the 'he has things to do on his weekend' bollocks, that tells you all you need to know about his priorities. Obviously it hasn't occurred to him that you might also have things to do. Can your family visit you and pitch in a bit?

[ImLosingMyMarbles]

I know, I just really need a break