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AIBU to find new partner’s description of his mother annoying?

(145 Posts)
Cluehorn Sun 28-Jun-20 18:12:55

When we first met a few months before lockdown he described her as an artist and his father as a businessman.

Fair enough it turns out his father owns a shop that sells odds and ends.

But his mother doesn’t actually have a skill as an artist. Apparently she is a deep thinker but doesn’t have a conventional outlet for her artistry other than her thoughts. Secretly I find much of her conversation deeply boring self indulgence but she is basically a nice person so I just went along with it at gatherings and thanked god when she moved on to someone else.

Other than his blindness towards his mother’s “artistry” he is a lovely man. So she must have done something very right in raising him. I don’t know why it annoys me so much.

OP’s posts: |
SugarNyx Sun 28-Jun-20 18:26:41

Why do you care? He’s nice, she’s nice, why would you give a shit what he calls her?

CreditCrackers Sun 28-Jun-20 18:41:20

I agree with PP. I get why this irks you but get over it, it just doesn't matter. If it helps, my MIL thinks she's a "healer"...don't even go there.

twoshedsjackson Sun 28-Jun-20 18:45:35

Just think of it as auguring well when it comes to how he describes you; a nice man who's good for your self-esteem - you could do a lot worse,!

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Sun 28-Jun-20 18:47:49

Probably harmless, but I would just be alert for any other 'spin doctoring' he does about his life/family. If it was just restricted to this, not a problem, but slightly odd to 'big them up' in this slightly dishonest way.

Sceptre86 Sun 28-Jun-20 18:50:50

If you don't like her and he is close to his mum is he there any point in pursuing this further? I can understand your point of view and I find their behaviour odd also. I would be wary of other embellished stories.

topcat2014 Sun 28-Jun-20 18:52:37

Maybe he didn't just want to say housewife. Artist is harmless enough.

ShinyMe Sun 28-Jun-20 18:56:09

I came in expecting this to be about a man being rude or dismissive about his mum.

My mum always told me to watch carefully how a man treats and talks about his mum, as that's how he'll treat a partner/wife too. Don't pick a man who is rude to his mum, or who expects her to do everything for him, or who talks about her as if she's an idiot. Sounds to me that your bloke is admiring and supportive of his mum though, which is a good thing though, surely?

Cluehorn Sun 28-Jun-20 18:58:50

Maybe he didn't just want to say housewife. Artist is harmless enough.

I don’t think this is it. We both agree that being a homemaker is a life choice as valid and valuable as any other profession. I myself work long hours in order to support my future but would give it up in a heartbeat for marriage and kids.

I think what irks me is that he seems to genuinely believe that she is an undiscovered talent had it not been for her life’s circumstances. She definitely believes this version of herself. Maybe I’m just not a very nice person. 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP’s posts: |
PerditaProvokesEnmity Sun 28-Jun-20 19:01:49

Did he perhaps mean either

that she's an artist in spirit? (She would have been an artist, if only ...)


that she has at some time in the past pursued some sort of artistic practice?

JustC Sun 28-Jun-20 19:02:12

If that's how he sees her, that's how HE sees her. He's not making you see her in the same way, so who cares.

Cluehorn Sun 28-Jun-20 19:02:26

Definitely the former Perdita

OP’s posts: |
JustC Sun 28-Jun-20 19:02:58

You are bit nit picky really.

ShinyMe Sun 28-Jun-20 19:03:32

Well he has known her a lot longer than you have, so maybe he has a different insight into her abilities.

WorraLiberty Sun 28-Jun-20 19:05:25

You sound a bit judgmental about his dad too

Why not just say 'Fair enough he owns a shop'?

It makes no odds what he sells from it.

Cluehorn Sun 28-Jun-20 19:05:39


Well that’s the rub really. He gets agitated if I dare to question her artistic temperament. He excuses her spending days in bed thinking when he was a child as part of her artistic mind. He was sent over to spend time at his best friend’s when she had an episode of creativity. Me, well I think perhaps she had some sort of MH issues that weren’t properly supported. And maybe continues not to be.

OP’s posts: |
TinyPigeon Sun 28-Jun-20 19:07:10

You sound a bit mean. Unless he's deeply 'apron strings' why do you mind if he has a rose tinted view of his mum?
Can you give an example of her conversation? (I'm also a bit mean)

PerditaProvokesEnmity Sun 28-Jun-20 19:08:23

Surely a man has a right to want to believe in his mother? ...

dworky Sun 28-Jun-20 19:08:56

He's not blind, he's insecure.

HalloumiSalad Sun 28-Jun-20 19:09:03

Maybe he is slightly insecure about his humble family and wishes to imbue them with a flattering version of their story to incoming people in the hope that they will not look down on them. He loves them, and as a pp said that bodes well unless he is prone to 'enhancing' in other less cute ways.

Turin Sun 28-Jun-20 19:09:31

I am a domestic artist...grin

Reminds me how terribly pretentious my ex in laws were. If they were cooking spaghetti they’d proudly declare “cooking Italian tonight!” Or if it was enchiladas it was “just doing a Mexican” (out of a packet). Really got on my baps.

beautifulstranger101 Sun 28-Jun-20 19:09:40

Perhaps she spent his entire childhood telling him that and gets arsey with him when he doesnt say it.
I think you are being a bit weird about this, it doesnt really matter and if she likes it then maybe he's just trying to maker her feel better. Far rather that than a man who is mean to his mother and puts her down all the time.
With regards to his dad- he IS a business owner isnt he? he owns his own shop, his own business so technically thats correct.
I'm wondering why this bothers you so much when in the scheme of things, its really quite unimportant.

MaverickDanger Sun 28-Jun-20 19:10:18

I get it OP. DH has relatives like this.

It doesn’t bother me, each to their own, until they start going on about how stupid we all are to live such consumer-filled, rat race lives, and how we should be more like them.

No mention that they asked for an early “advance” on their inheritance and have spent it, while other relatives pay for the care of their elderly parents.

I think it’s one to let go, unless you start getting lectures or judgment passed on your lifestyle. It kind of sounds like they have all put her on a semi-pedestal for her “artistry”.

SecretWitch Sun 28-Jun-20 19:10:32

Op, if you are this annoyed by your partner it might be time to move on. You will want him to come around to your point of view about his mother. He won’t. The struggle will grate on you both.

CreditCrackers Sun 28-Jun-20 19:10:51

My only concern with what you've said is if he's one of these "circumstances". If he believes he's held her back then he could have real underlying issues. My incredible and amazing and kind and honestly perfect husband sang his mother's praises when I first met him. I knew immediately upon meeting her that she was weird. It took a few years for him to realise that she was abusive throughout his childhood and now none of us (me, DC, DH, SIL etc) have contact with her. I'm definitely projecting because your situation honestly just sounds like you need to ignore it, but maybe be a little bit cautious that he doesn't think he's a burden.

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