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To say that this plan was bordering on abusive?

(5 Posts)
Thistledew Sun 28-Jun-20 16:29:51

I'm on a Facebook parenting group.

A woman posted saying that she has an 8 yr old daughter and a 4 month old baby. Her daughter had been for a weekend's contact visit with her father. She was planning on having the child "isolate" on her return and was upset at the idea of not being able to hug and kiss her daughter during this time. She asked whether she should try to get a Covid test for the child so that she "doesn't have to isolate for so long".

I replied to say that she must surely have reasoned that there was limited risk of her daughter catching the virus, otherwise she would not have permitted her to go, and that therefore the risk of transmitting it to the rest of the family must be very limited as well. I suggested that the child would be likely to take it as a rejection if she was isolated from the rest of the family or to see it as a punishment for seeing her father. I suggested that she listen to her instincts and that the reason she was feeling upset at the idea of not having physical contact with her child was that it would be bordering on abusive to do so.

Perhaps I could have been a little more tactful, but the woman got angry that I was questioning the wisdom of her plan and said I was being nasty to her.

Was I unreasonable to say what I did? Maybe I could have been more temperate in the way I said it but I don't think I was out of order for pointing out the cruelty in her plan. Or was IBU?

OP’s posts: |
GrannyBags Sun 28-Jun-20 16:35:36

Was she asking for comments about her plan or just where to get a test? I don’t think you were wrong in what you said, but maybe you just hit a nerve - this situation is tricky for split families.

UltimateWednesday Sun 28-Jun-20 16:37:59

Not wrong in the opinion but very wrong to wase into it on FB imo.

Thistledew Sun 28-Jun-20 16:39:37

Her question was whether she should get a test so as to shorten the isolation period. Someone else pointed out how horribly uncomfortable the tests are and said that they would only make a child take one if it was critically important.

OP’s posts: |
BogRollBOGOF Sun 28-Jun-20 16:52:06


Withholding phsyical affectionate care for a child is abuse/ neglect.
At 8, her year group won't be in school (unless she has a KW place) and has already been isolated from normal social routines for over 3 months.
For many children, this phase will be the root of long term mental health problems. They need reassurance and comfort, not being treated like a used hanky.

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