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Deceased Mums Facebook

(19 Posts)
Namechange23432 Sun 28-Jun-20 02:24:23

My mum has recently passed away. I noticed about a week after she passed that it said active 3 hours ago on her Facebook. She stayed logged in on her phone when she passed. My Aunt has her phone and has been looking through her private messages including the ones between myself and my mum. I spoke to my mum over messenger a lot when she was in hospital as WiFi was better than phone signal. I spoke to my mum on messenger about personal things including private health related things and I feel this is wrong my Aunt has now read this. I do not get along with my Aunt at all she has always looked down on me. I do not have my Aunt on Facebook either as I don't feel I want her to see my profile either so my Aunt has now seen everything on my profile. Is this wrong? My Aunt is also executor for my mums will but I feel this has invaded my private and confidential life.

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Namechange23432 Sun 28-Jun-20 02:25:16

I hope I'm just being silly but I feel awful and invaded.

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Bluebooby Sun 28-Jun-20 02:27:32

I'd feel invaded too. Can you tell for sure that she's been reading through old messages? I'm sorry about your mum. Any chance you could get her phone back from your aunt?x

Namechange23432 Sun 28-Jun-20 02:33:14

My Aunt is executor so I can't get the phone.

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Italiangreyhound Sun 28-Jun-20 02:41:21

Of course it is wrong of your aunt to do that. Completely wrong and inappropriate. Just out of interest who has your mum left er property to, because if it is you, then the phone should yours.

I'm really sorry your aunt has done this. You are totally right to feel it is an invasion of your privacy. Hopefully once the will is sorted you won't need to have much to do with her so whatever she has discovered reading your private messages, I'd not want her involved in my life much after this.

I;m so sorry for your loss. thanks

VimFuego101 Sun 28-Jun-20 02:45:11

You can request that her account be memorialised - then it can't be logged into. It doesn't need to be the executor who requests it - any family member can show proof and submit a request.

Ivysaur Sun 28-Jun-20 02:51:11

It should be a memorial account now. Your aunt is out of order reading private messages.

Namechange23432 Sun 28-Jun-20 02:52:55

@VimFuego101 how can I show proof? I don't have the death certificate as my Aunt does and I wouldn't be able to get it. I don't live at my mums address either. I don't want to give too much info as don't want to be recognised. I've posted on my Facebook that she's passed and she has been tagged in things as people have posted things in memory of her.

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Namechange23432 Sun 28-Jun-20 02:53:43

If I request a memorial account does this include Facebook Messenger too? As they are two separate apps.

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Wheresthebiffer2 Sun 28-Jun-20 03:10:43

Anyone can order a replacement death certificate, after the registration has taken place.

rebecca102 Sun 28-Jun-20 03:15:29

So wrong and I'd feel the same. I'm sure your mum wouldn't appreciate it either.

sergeilavrov Sun 28-Jun-20 04:15:46

I’m sorry for your loss. Memorialising the account prevents anyone logging into the account, and so any accounts your mum uses Facebook to sign into would no longer work. This includes Facebook messenger.

In order to memorialise, you need documentation such as a death certificate. You can bypass your aunt by using the government service to order one for £35. You then submit the form to Facebook. After this, if your mum formally expressed wishes on her account as to who would have control - it goes to them, if not, it is an account with no log in ability.

In terms of the invasion of privacy, it’s a complex legal area. In the US, for example, executors have the right to see who the deceased communicated with and when, but not the contents. To look is breaking the law, whereas the emphasis in the U.K. tends to be toward social media being inheritable and thus a thing of value should be given to the next of kin.

I’m sorry that your privacy has been invaded: this area is growing so fast, the law hasn’t kept up. I would pursue the memorialisation with Facebook, and then pressure the executor to complete their duties such that you can get that phone from her.

Grilledaubergines Sun 28-Jun-20 16:09:25

Just out of interest who has your mum left er property to, because if it is you, then the phone should yours.

OP says aunt is executor, so no belongings, estate etc will need to be distributed until such time as aunt has completed administering the estate and has the Grant.

LordGribeau Sun 28-Jun-20 16:17:03

@Namechange23432 "how can I show proof? I don't have the death certificate..."

Was there a death notice in the newspaper? When my mum passed away last year I sent FB a digital copy of the notice in the paper and they accepted that, and memorialised the account.

CatEatCatWorld Sun 28-Jun-20 16:21:02

Sorry for your loss flowers

I sent fb a link to my mams obituary in the local paper and they changed it as her partner was keep going on hers and posting stuff.

Beautiful3 Sun 28-Jun-20 16:23:15

I would report it on fb tell them, that person is now deceased.

user1471590586 Sun 28-Jun-20 16:30:53

Sounds awful but you might have to block or restrict your mums account so she can't use it to see yours. Blocking would hide the messages I think.

justanotherneighinparadise Sun 28-Jun-20 16:31:56

I had a family member do this on here. They found me and read all my messages. Another family member knew and didn’t tell me. So it went on for over a year until they finally divulged what had been going on accidentally.

I can tell you I was absolutely devastated and furious. More with the person I was close to who didn’t tell me than the person who was reading my posts. The fall out has been pretty terrible actually and it took me a long to get over it and I’m not sure I ever will actually as some of the stuff this person knows is deeply personal and not information I would have ever wanted them to know.

rosiejaune Sun 28-Jun-20 16:43:48


Sounds awful but you might have to block or restrict your mums account so she can't use it to see yours. Blocking would hide the messages I think.

It would not hide old PMs; just stop new ones being exchanged between the two accounts (and seeing posts).

So all that would do is remove her link to her mum's account, which she will then never be able to get back again.

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