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To miss my good looks.

(208 Posts)
lovelifehope Sat 27-Jun-20 22:43:12

I know it’s shallow in the big scheme of things, but I cant help the way I feel. Good looks fade so quick, aibu to mourne their loss? Sometimes I feel invisible.Anyone else feel the same?

OP’s posts: |
ColourMeExhausted Sat 27-Jun-20 22:47:13

Yeah, I hear you. Was looking back at photos from a decade ago. Ironically the year I felt most insecure. But flipping heck I was a babe! Then looking at myself now. Still attractive (I like to think) but two DC and not much sleep later, I've definitely aged. Lost that youthful glow (I'm 41), hair is lockdown grey and skin just looks dull.

I do realise that when I'm 51, I'll look back at photos from now and will wish I was that young, so...yeah. But as a woman, I think ageing can be tough to come to terms with.

LadyPrigsbottom Sat 27-Jun-20 22:49:35

I really think very good looks can be a curse for this reason. 'Luckily', I've never been a stunner, but my mum was. She was a 'head turner' and I think she struggled a bit when she stopped turning heads quite so much.

lovelifehope Sat 27-Jun-20 22:55:48

Ladyprig I feel the same as your mum, Once you stop turning heads, irs kind of hard to cope with. The thing is, when you’re young it’s hard to imagine being old and I took for granted my looks. Sorry for sounding so self pittying.

OP’s posts: |
SlB09 Sat 27-Jun-20 22:59:58

Feeling this too. I'm only 36 but this last year (+ toddler that hates sleep) I feel and look literally haggered. People used to comment on my hair or eyes what have you and now literally nothing and my hairs nearly all grey if which I am sporting not so great roots atm. I've always been natural, never worn makeup and now I'm starting to think I should wear it just to not look like a walking corpse!
I feel you though and it's much younger than I expected to feel like this xx

ComtesseDeSpair Sat 27-Jun-20 23:07:13

You can always make the best of what you have: healthy weight, muscle tone, decent haircut, good skin routine, flattering and stylish clothes; all of which in turn give you confidence and a certain presence. There are loads of examples out there of older women who, because of all of the above, have still “got it”. Yes, we all lose our youth, but youth doesn’t actually have to be synonymous with attractiveness and it takes women of all ages to make the most of themselves and build their esteem and show that.

I’ve never been what people would call pretty. But I’m striking and I turn heads because of that - even more so now than I did when I was in my twenties and early thirties..

LadyPrigsbottom Sat 27-Jun-20 23:11:46

I think you can be beautiful at any age and with any features really, but I think classically good looking people are so often singled out as "the good looking one". No wonder it is a head fuck if those looks change. But, people who only notice classically good looking people aren't worth too much head space smile. Still tough though.

Pelleas Sat 27-Jun-20 23:12:25

I never had any looks. I'd have liked to have had the experience of being admired, so be thankful you were able to enjoy it while it lasted and have it to look back on.

isabellerossignol Sat 27-Jun-20 23:14:35

I was explaining to my 13 year old recently (was scolding her for saying 'Ok Karen!' to me) that I didn't realise what a harsh and sexist place the world is when I was younger because my looks protected me from it. Men were nice to me. They didn't patronise me and talk over me, they wanted to talk to me. Stupidly I thought it was because they viewed me as an equal. When I got older and invisible I realised, and I was ashamed that I hadn't noticed it.

Nsky Sat 27-Jun-20 23:16:22

It happens, make the best if what you, lose weight if needed, great hair cut , colour if wanted , dress well

SerenDippitty Sat 27-Jun-20 23:17:52

I think I have grown into my looks. Feel more attractive now than as a20 something. And of course I am more confident because I'm older.

DDIJ Sat 27-Jun-20 23:19:52

I don't know what I look like. I don't have any photos. I don't have a mirror. My ex always said I was ugly but on some level I didn't believe him. How would I know if I was ugly? How would I know what I looked like? DC now say I am ugly so I think ex was right. I never had any looks.

Monty27 Sat 27-Jun-20 23:19:58

I. Hear.you
Oh if only I'd known how pretty I was back in the day sad sad

Pixilicious Sat 27-Jun-20 23:20:18

I miss being thin. I still look good for my age - 47, look late 30s, but I’ve always been a 10 and am now a 12-14 and struggle to lose weight

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed Sat 27-Jun-20 23:20:58

Yes I do

From a child I was often singled out as I was so pretty. I’ve lost it not completely but I don’t get that attention or constant compliments. Yes I do miss it but I wish it didn’t define me so much as it did

But I don’t don’t feel envious when i see young women getting lots of attention as I remember how uncomfortable it can be too and I’m amused when I see how they know they are and they are enjoying it I remember that it was great at times

I know women who struggle to accept they are not what they once were and become bitter and critical of younger women and I know women who are still attractive and still use their charm they still look great but I think more have accepted their age and are comfortable with themselves

Bebbanburger Sat 27-Jun-20 23:21:56

YANBU. I'm 46 and my neck has started to go like Harold Bishop's. I've been invisible.for a while but this is a new low.

Redleathertrousers Sat 27-Jun-20 23:22:11

@DDIJ

Your children tell you you're ugly? And they speak to you like that why?!

WinterAndRoughWeather Sat 27-Jun-20 23:23:12

If it’s any consolation I kind of feel the opposite. I was never beautiful but I think I’ve grown into my looks in my 30s. But I’m married now! I sometimes feel a bit sad that I wasn’t more attractive when I was younger and single, and that I look plain in old photos, especially when I’m next to other girls.

I look fine in photos now, but I don’t care about it now I’m older and wiser, so it’s wasted on me. Plus I would avoid being photographed when I was younger, which I think I might regret one day.

AnnaNimmity Sat 27-Jun-20 23:25:25

I'm more attractive and confident now than I was when I was younger. Also quite a lot thinner now. Think ageing is easier if you weren't considered massively attractive as a young person. (or at least I didn't consider myself that attractive - actually when I see photos of me as an 18 year old I really was pretty good!).

Redleathertrousers Sat 27-Jun-20 23:27:30

I think a lot of women 40+ are absolutely beautiful. It's not about how youthful their face is in terms of signs of ageing. Its the indicators of self care and how they carry themselves e.g. hairstyle and clothes which suit them and fit well, smiling, shoulders back, the way they walk.

Rainbowb Sat 27-Jun-20 23:27:48

Yeah I miss that feeling of wondering if the cute guy fancies me. Now I know there’s no way he possibly could do! It’s depressing and seems to happen so quickly.

LondonCaIIing Sat 27-Jun-20 23:28:15

Not really. As I've gotten older, I've become less and less concerned with looking how society expects me to look. Which is useful.

LadyPrigsbottom Sat 27-Jun-20 23:28:42

I love that famous Roald Dahl quote about beauty and how even people with 'ugly' features will always look beautiful, if they think beautiful thoughts. I think it's from The Twits.

Also, Broken Dreams by Yeats is a lovely poem about how beauty never really dies, (I think).

Unusualllly Sat 27-Jun-20 23:29:10

Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Definitely below average looking face here. However had a fit body, now 2 kids later I have crap pelvic floor, saggy tits and saggy tummy. I always felt unfanciable, now I feel invisible, lord help me in another 10/20/30 years.

ladybirdsarelovely33 Sat 27-Jun-20 23:31:35

@DDIJ that is no way for anyone to talk you. I can bet my bottom dollar that you are not ugly.

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