Hi all. I’d really appreciate your views on my childhood relationship with my father. I feel something was not right but I don’t know how to understand it or what to call it. I’ve used impersonal language because writing ‘I’ and ‘me’ in this context makes me queasy. Here is some of what I remember:
- Daughter and her younger sister being naked a lot, around the house, for no particular reason, aged up to 5 at least
- Father naked a lot, around the house, likewise no reason
- Home video of daughters playing naked, aged 4 and 1, filmed by father
- Father and daughter age 5 showering together, and daughter asking him to ‘turn his willy inside out’ (retract foreskin). Daughter rushing to get younger sister to see this ‘magic trick’. Him doing it.
- Daughter, naked, in parents’ bed alone with father ‘tickling’ her lower abdomen right above pubic bone, drawing swirls with his finger. Aged under 5
- Holidays abroad including trips to naked beaches with parents’ friends, male and female, all naked. Up to age 6(?)
- Every Saturday visit with Father after parents split (daughter age 9+ up to mid-teen) involving swimming/sauna, Father getting changed (naked) with daughters whenever possible. Father mocking daughter’s attempts to change discreetly as prudish
- Father making comments about daughter’s developing breasts being ‘lovely’
- Teenage daughters sunbathing topless on family holidays, allowed and encouraged by father
- Father and wife taking daughters (age 13 and 10) to mixed Turkish baths in Turkey, daughters go topless. Father paying for them to have ‘Turkish massages’ by middle aged men in full view of everyone, ‘masseurs’ running hands up daughters’ legs and inner thighs under towel. Father and wife watching
- Father commenting frequently to daughter how ‘sexy’ women are (e.g. celebrities)
- Father and girlfriend having sex loudly in room next to teenage daughter, father going to bathroom naked afterwards
- Father entering bathroom while teenage daughter in bath to take a pee or brush teeth
- Father choosing for daughter’s A-Level school photography project a photo-story with sexual nudes
- Father asking adult daughter how the sex was in her marriage and whether she had stitches after childbirth
- Father hugging adult daughter after drunken argument (him drunk, not her) and pushing his hips against her as she tries to wriggle out of the hug
AIBU in thinking a lot of this is not okay? How would you feel if this was your daughter? Or if this was you? I’m still trying to get to grips with it after years telling myself it’s nothing out of the ordinary, despite having a creepy feeling around him. All comments welcome. Thanks for reading.