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To think it's not because they're jealous?

(24 Posts)
bluegreygreen Sat 27-Jun-20 16:23:09

Sometimes on AIBU an OP gives a story where someone has made a comment they didn't like. It often comes when OP has been a bit inconsiderate and the other person is upset or annoyed.

OP (or a relative/friend) then comments that it must be 'because they are jealous'.

They're upset/annoyed - why would they be jealous? What is there to be jealous of?

AIBU to think it's not because they're jealous - and not understand why that's the default?

(This is not a TAAT - I have seen this comment today but have been thinking about it previously.)

OP’s posts: |
ChicCroissant Sat 27-Jun-20 16:34:13

It's an easy thing to say, which is why it crops up a lot (haven't seen the thread it's on today). People get upset for all kinds of reasons, but I'd say jealousy was fairly low down on the list so YANBU IMO.

Hingeandbracket Sat 27-Jun-20 16:41:18

Yeah usually a poster is accused of being "jealous" of some awful taste-free thing that they have made clear they wouldn't do in a million years.

It like any time anyone moans about the bellends with noisy cars/motorbikes in our area, there's always one person who says -
-It's there money they can do what they like and
-Your[sic] just jealous

As if everyone would be a bellend if they could.

squirrelsbizaar Sat 27-Jun-20 16:42:46

Because it’s easier for the recipient to digest than the truth and some people just want an easy life.
In reference to the other thread you’re are not talking about. The partner won’t say ‘ because you’re a shit friend’, it’s because you’re friend is jealous of you, that’s why they sent mean text. Bloke wants easy life shocker.

Bluntness100 Sat 27-Jun-20 16:44:27

Because if it is envy then it makes the poster feel good. They have something the other person wants. If it’s not envy and the op is just being a bit cunty it’s not something that feels as good.

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite Sat 27-Jun-20 16:51:06

You probably saw my comment.

I agree with you OP. People get accused of jealousy on threads when it is clear they are not jealous. People who disagree with you are accused of being jealous of you. It is so ridiculous. In real life I don't know of anyone who exhibits jealousy. It also bugs me when people use the words jealous and envious interchangeably. They have diferent meanings.

randolph78 Sat 27-Jun-20 17:08:53

It always strikes me as a bit playground and lacking proper reflection tbh. It's easy to say but is often just a meaningless and slightly insulting defense. Rarely (though not never!) is it true.

LandMoor Sat 27-Jun-20 17:12:26

Completely agree. I'm sure theres been 3 threads today I've seen where the other person is just jealous hmm

ArriettyJones Sat 27-Jun-20 17:15:39

This is not a TAAT - I have seen this comment today but have been thinking about it previously.)

It so is. grin

ArriettyJones Sat 27-Jun-20 17:16:06

randolph78

It always strikes me as a bit playground and lacking proper reflection tbh. It's easy to say but is often just a meaningless and slightly insulting defense. Rarely (though not never!) is it true.

But yes, this.

Pinkblueberry Sat 27-Jun-20 17:24:03

YANBU. This is something we tell our kids/teens to make them feel better about someone being unkind. It’s an easy way to placate them and does come across as a bit silly when people continue to buy this explanation into adulthood.

bluegreygreen Sat 27-Jun-20 17:33:55

squirrelsbizaar ArrietyJones

I've actually seen it on two threads today smile

Glad it's not just me

OP’s posts: |
DilloDaf Sat 27-Jun-20 17:36:42

If it makes the upset person feel better then what's the harm in saying the other person's jealous?

BlessedBeTheFruitCake Sat 27-Jun-20 17:43:03

I've seen that comment on a thread. Of course the neighbours must be jealous of your noisy,
inflatable sexpond hot tub! hmm

DanielRicciardosSmile Sat 27-Jun-20 17:48:38

Isn't that usually what your mum used to say to you when the "mean girls" picked on you at school?

VettiyaIruken Sat 27-Jun-20 17:50:59

It's meant kindly but it's a bad idea. Far better for someone to look at it from all angles and not discount the possibility that the problem is actually them rather than the other person.

Dylaninthemovies1 Sat 27-Jun-20 17:52:38

So those kids at school who bullied me weren’t just jealous?! I can’t believe my mum lied to me!

WorraLiberty Sat 27-Jun-20 17:52:48

YANBU it's lazy and pretty pointless when there's no evidence.

saraclara Sat 27-Jun-20 17:54:41

DanielRicciardosSmile

Isn't that usually what your mum used to say to you when the "mean girls" picked on you at school?

That's exactly what I was planning to say. And when I see a poster use the jealousy explanation, my instant reaction is to think "are you 12?"

Seriously, it's such an immature response, and such an unlikely scenario among grown women, whatever the subject of the thread.

WorraLiberty Sat 27-Jun-20 17:54:56

DilloDaf

If it makes the upset person feel better then what's the harm in saying the other person's jealous?

But does it though?

It's the internet equivalent of saying "I'm sure you look very nice" when someone says they look a mess.

Fizzysours Sat 27-Jun-20 17:58:02

Ohhhhh...was one the classy hot tub sex swamp thing, OP. Yep. Everyone is WELL JELL of those!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 made me smile too

Upstartcrones Sat 27-Jun-20 18:09:50

If it makes the upset person feel better then what's the harm in saying the other person's jealous?

because it stops the other person reflecting on their behaviour and perhaps maturing. It's a child like comfort blanket saying that only exacerbates problems.

InAPickleGodDamn Sat 27-Jun-20 18:11:31

I think it's an unconsciously sexist remark based in the idea that women have to 'compete' with each other and how the 'success' of a woman is perceived.

Whenever male friends/family members say X friend has done this and that pissed me off, i've never heard anyone suggest 'oh, they're probably just jealous of you'.

And yep, there is a difference between envy and jealousy but i'll use jealous as it's the term usually used grin.

It always seems to be used to suggest the 'jealous' person feels that way because the poster in question is in a new relationship, getting engaged or married, having a baby or seems to have luxury items. Or...being attractive, slim etc.

I could totally be wrong but other than luxury items like cars maybe, I've never known a man be accused of jealousy because he was pissed off at a mate that coincidentally was slimmer, better looking, getting engaged or married or having a baby.

I think it's the same old patriarchal crap about women competing against each other looks-wise and the 'success' of a woman judged on her being attractive, securing a partner and procreating rather than her actual character or personal career successes etc.

The thread the OP is referring to was definitely that, but she's also correct it's seen on MN and in RL repeatedly. Almost exclusively in regards to women.

randolph78 Sat 27-Jun-20 18:49:33

If it makes the upset person feel better then what's the harm in saying the other person's jealous?

It stops proper respectful communication and reflection on our own behaviour - lots of harm therefore!

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