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To feel upset at her?

(406 Posts)
Rainbow12e Sat 27-Jun-20 13:06:30

Really shocked this morning by my friend.
I accidentally texted her something that was meant to go to another friend of the same name. That wasn't the issue as it was a 'See you next week' sort of text.
Anyway, I haven't spoken to the friend I accidentally texted since late February. Lots was going on in my life and I had moved into my partners where I have been since lockdown began.I apologised to her saying the text hadn't meant to go to her and said I hoped she was well. She replied with 'Don't really know why you are asking me how I am. You haven't bothered to check in all through lockdown or before. Now you are all settled you dont want to know. Think it's clear I have been used.'
She was there for me when I was going through a rough time with my health and my DD but although the contact eased, it doesn't mean I don't care. DP thinks she is just jealous and that her illness (She has lupus and may have been shielding) is making her take things out on me. Do feel very upset by this

OP’s posts: |
D4rwin Sat 27-Jun-20 13:09:43

If you know she was ill and didn't check on her then, yeah, you have let down her friendship and previous support. Chances are you caught her feeling particularly pissed off.

Hbs21 Sat 27-Jun-20 13:12:14

YABU. You said yourself she was there for you during tough times and if she is shielding she may be going through quite a lot right now and you haven't returned the favour.

Apple1029 Sat 27-Jun-20 13:14:48

yea I think you were a bad friend.

1Morewineplease Sat 27-Jun-20 13:14:53

You say that she was there for you when you had a rough time but became absent at a difficult time in her own life.

I appreciate that you are upset at her response but truth does hurt.

GoGold Sat 27-Jun-20 13:16:07

I doubt it's jealousy. It sounds like she feels letdown that you haven't checked in on her. Which would have been the nice thing to do, if, as it sounds, she has been there in the past for you. Clearly, she sounds upset by this. If you value her as a good friend, I would send a nice gesture of friendship, even something as small as a card.

BooFuckingHoo2 Sat 27-Jun-20 13:16:25

I think she has a point and you haven’t been a good friend at all.

Bluntness100 Sat 27-Jun-20 13:18:24

She’s ill and shielding and you’ve not bothered to check on her, even though she was there for you, then sent her a text saying see you next week and then “joke that wasn’t for you?”

And your boyfriend thinks she is jealous and you’re the Upset one? Is this some kind of joke?

DeborahAnnabelToo Sat 27-Jun-20 13:18:56

I have a feeling this is a reverse. If not, your friend is justified in being pissed off. Or if you are the friend, you're justified in being pissed off.

Immigrantsong Sat 27-Jun-20 13:20:22

Yabu and I wish I could say the same to my so called friends for similarly neglectful behaviour. You have not been a friend. Either eat humble pie, appreciate her balls and apologise and be decent from now on or do her a favour and stop pretending you are a mate.

beelzeboob Sat 27-Jun-20 13:20:40

You haven’t text a friend who helped you when you were going through issues, for 4 months? And the only reason you text her now was because of a mistake?
Were you good friends? If you were good friends I’d be hurt if I was her. Having said that, it does take 2 to tango and another question would be why hasn’t she texted you?

WhenISnappedAndFarted Sat 27-Jun-20 13:20:57

I also doubt she's jealous. I don't think you've been a good friend at all either. It sounds like she was there for you when you needed her and then just haven't bothered with her.

CuppaZa Sat 27-Jun-20 13:21:26

Have to agree with her actually. Bad friend.
And what is it with this assuming someone is ‘jealous’ because they have behaved in a way that makes you uncomfortable? confused

PurpleDaisies Sat 27-Jun-20 13:21:58

Agreeing with everyone else, you don’t sound like you’ve been a great friend to her and she’s been gutsy in calling you out on it.

LIZS Sat 27-Jun-20 13:22:51

Agree. A quick call or message would not have cost you anything. Maybe she is frustrated at her situation or jealous but you have ignored her.

Chochito Sat 27-Jun-20 13:24:38

Why have you not texted her during lockdown?

Is this a reverse?

StormzyInaDCup Sat 27-Jun-20 13:24:39

I think your friend has every right to be upset with you and good for her for calling you out on it. You sound like you've been selfish and she has been used by you.

Elsewyre Sat 27-Jun-20 13:24:55

She sounds pretty spot on you used her for support when you were having a bad time then when she had a bad time you skipped off to do things with other people.

You don't get to be pissed off with the people you've treated shittily for them pointing out you've treated them like that

Greenkit Sat 27-Jun-20 13:25:00

She was there for you
You werent there for her
Then you send her a random text for a meet up that's not for her..

Yea your a bad friend

CluelessBaker Sat 27-Jun-20 13:25:58

This thread has my reverse sensor beeping so I’m holding off on giving my view until the OP confirms it.

HeeeeyDuggee Sat 27-Jun-20 13:26:34

Yep you’re a bad friend. Sounds like she was there for you during some bad times and you haven’t even been able to send a few quick messages to check how she is in all this ...

Rainbow12e Sat 27-Jun-20 13:27:14

No this isn't a reverse.
I think calling out someone for not being in touch over lockdown is a bit off. She must know I am helping home school my partners DD and have been maniacally busy working from home. I have had very little downtime.
I know it must be hard having a chronic illness during this time but it isn't my fault and I am not to know if she is struggling.
Let's be honest, these are not normal times.

OP’s posts: |
burnoutbabe Sat 27-Jun-20 13:27:28

Had she contacted you at all during lockdown? Surely it's a 2way street? If neither of you contacted each other then so be it.

WhenISnappedAndFarted Sat 27-Jun-20 13:28:24

You sound even worse after your update

Immigrantsong Sat 27-Jun-20 13:28:25

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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