To not have a strict bedtime routine?

[bunpot]

Sorry if this seems muddled - tired and stressed. 9 mo DD has never been a good sleeper, not napped in cot since about 3 mo. As she doesn't have reliable naptime during day she also varies in what time she gets sleepy in the eve. Are we being too lax by giving her her tea when we have ours (6.30 - 7) and not having strict bedtime routine? The closest thing to a routine we have is always having tea the same time, then bath or wash and PJs, then we'll watch TV while she has her bedtime feed.

We have tried bath book bed but she didn't get sleepy so we'd be spending like 3 hrs trying to read / do sleepy things and it took over our evenings and put a lot of stress on us.

She seems to be in a sleep regression because from 7 - 9 months she slept through in her cot but has now reverted to not us not being able to put her down. So disheartening.

Should we be sticking to a stricter routine throughout this sleep regression?

[croberts1208]

They say in a sleep regression you should keep things as normal as possible, if you don't have a routine I imagine that's either really easy or really hard. We've always had a strict routine and it works for us. My baby goes to be at 6pm every night no struggles and starts the day between 6/7am with a dream feed at 10. It sounds to me (I'm no expert, but have read a lot on babies sleep) that you're awake times and naps are all wrong. If you want to have a routine then start one, you'll have a few days of struggle to get used to it.

[bunpot]

Thanks for your reply, I did suspect she might be overtired. Can I ask what you do about evening meal?

[LovingLola]

I think the Tv on might be too stimulating for her. Could you try gentle music instead?

[bunpot]

I know it seems like a glaringly obvious mistake, but she seems to take the same amount of time to settle without it.. Basically too long, probably because she's overtired. I think we'll try giving her tea and starting bedtime earlier. Without TV.

[AriettyHomily]

I fit works for you not having a routine, fab, carry on.

For me we had to be routine slaves with dts. It was the only way any of us got any decent sleep.

[greentreesdream]

The problem is it isn’t working for them, so I do think you need to establish a routine of sorts there OP. It doesn’t need to be too rigid but I do really think babies need training in this respect.

[HardHatOptional]

YABU - Babies/Children need routine. Your baby is probably a poor sleeper because she has no routine.

We've had a routine for DS since he was about 10 weeks. He's nearly 4 now and is always in bed by 7pm. Sleeps through every night unless there is something wrong e.g. illness, heat etc.

[endlessginandtonic]

I parented with a routine, it worked for me.
I had friends who parented without a routine, it worked for them.

It isn't about routine, or not , so much as what works for you.
If what you are doing doesn't work then do something else.

[MamaLion1319]

I had a rigid routine for DS who slept 7-7. He's 7 now and depends on a stable routine, except weekends!
DD is 7 months and very early on it was apparent she's the complete opposite of her brother (a lot like me). I tried a consistent routine for a while but she thinks sleep is for muggles and can often want to play at all hours. Still feeds constantly through the night and prefers to bed share more often than not. Whilst I do put her to bed around a similar time, I'm much less stressed when I just go with her flow. I sense when she's getting tired and do bath, boob, bed. It works for us.

[croberts1208]

@bunpot we're not quite at three meals yet but I plan to give it at 5 when we are. Overtiredness is a killer. There are a lot of consultants on Instagram that will give you a 15 min free consultation over the phone about how to help with sleep. I've also heard good things about Gina ford books.