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To be annoyed at this gift request

(354 Posts)
Jamielynn Fri 26-Jun-20 18:50:33

Hi everyone! Just wanted some opinions whether I was being sensitive here and overreacting about a situation that’s happened recently.

I bought my youngest brother in law a birthday gift from Selfridges from a brand I’ve seen him wear a lot. Usually my (now) DH would get him something from both of us, but since we got married a few months ago we thought it’d be nice if I picked out something for him from myself. I initially wanted to give a gift card but DH insisted it wasn’t personal enough so I bought an expensive item of clothing that I thought was his style. I asked DH’s opinion and he agreed that it was lovely and he’d appreciate it

Now.. brother in law wants me to return the gift and give him money instead. He didn’t tell me directly but MIL told me that he doesn’t like it and would prefer if I returned it and gave him money instead.

Am I right to be a bit annoyed at this or am I being unreasonable?

OP’s posts: |
newphoneswhodis Fri 26-Jun-20 18:53:17

How old? If he's struggling for money he might not want an expensive item when he has bills to pay. it's a bit cheeky but I'd rather give something something they want rather than waste money on something sitting in a wardrobe.

RedRedWines Fri 26-Jun-20 18:55:05

Why would you prefer him to keep an item he doesn’t like and won’t wear? Surely that’s just a waste

garbagegirl Fri 26-Jun-20 18:55:23

He hasn't asked you for money or even said he doesn't like the gift? Is your MIL dramatic? Could this be a misunderstanding. I would just ask him outright I think or leave it

Jamielynn Fri 26-Jun-20 18:55:37

He’s 21, living at home with parents. I got him this expensive item based on his lifestyle- flashy cars, designer wardrobe, all the latest technology. I’d completely empathise if he needed the money but that doesn’t seem to be the case!

OP’s posts: |
AnimalCrossing Fri 26-Jun-20 18:55:39

That’s rude and ungrateful. However this is why it’s a good idea to include gift receipts.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz Fri 26-Jun-20 18:56:29

Surely one of the benefits of having a husband or a wife is that you dont need to do individual gifts and can just leave his families gifts to him?

Just tell MIL that if BIL wants to return the T shirt for cash that he needs to get in touch with you himself to arrange it. Return it for cash/voucher, and leave all in law gifts to dh from now on.

TheMurk Fri 26-Jun-20 18:56:36

I would do a similar thing for my SIL in terms of her liking fancy stuff etc. Over the years a couple of times she has asked to return it for something else.

I think it’s reasonable if it’s something expensive you aren’t going to get the use of or doesn’t suit you. However I do see your point of view as well.

If it were me though I would rather the person got what they wanted or would use rather than sticking something expensive in the back of a cupboard or on eBay.

healththrowawayx Fri 26-Jun-20 18:57:14

What’s the value?

Did you spend more on the item than you would have on the gift card? Does giving him the same cash value make you feel uncomfortable?

As far as I know selfridges returns policy is quite strict, so there’s no guarantee they’d accept it back (eg are you outside the returns period or is it in perfect condition with all tags attached?)

Jamielynn Fri 26-Jun-20 18:57:22

@garbagegirl He gave it to MIL to give back to me

OP’s posts: |
Plumplumbadum Fri 26-Jun-20 18:57:32

It's one thing wanting someone to exchange a gift they don't like and quite another then asking for the money. I think it's quite rude tbh.
I'd be returning the item and not giving him the money. And I'd be telling your Dh to be dealing with him from now on for gifts.

Brefugee Fri 26-Jun-20 18:58:59

it's rude and ungrateful for sure.
give him the receipt and tell him to do it himself.
And tell the MiL to butt the fuck out in future. And let your DH take care of gifts for him in future.

Fatted Fri 26-Jun-20 18:59:07

Are you sure it's not the MIL stirring up trouble?! In all honesty just leave the present buying for DH's family to DH. Don't start getting dumped with buying for his family as well as your own.

Atadaddicted Fri 26-Jun-20 18:59:11

Oh come on OP
He’s 21
Give him the money instead

How do you view a gift. As something you want them to have come what may. Or something that they actually want. Or the same amount of money.

VioletCharlotte Fri 26-Jun-20 18:59:12

Young men can be really, really fussy about clothes and brands. My DS is 19 and I don't buy him clothes as I can never get it quite right. I can see why you're disappointed he doesn't like it, but much better to give him the money to but something he'll wear. Otherwise it's just a waste as it'll sit in his cupboard or end up at the charity shop.

AdaColeman Fri 26-Jun-20 18:59:36

Quite ungrateful I’d say. Return it, keep the money yourself and give him a £10 M&S voucher.
Next year, don’t get him anything, just put your name on your DH’s gift as you’ve done previously.
Does the BIL usually give you nice personal gifts?

healththrowawayx Fri 26-Jun-20 19:00:18

I’d return the gift, but get your husband to deal with what (if anything) you give him in “exchange”. And in the future get him to deal with gifts, and don’t overspend on him

Custardcreamies101 Fri 26-Jun-20 19:00:24

Did u get a gift receipt?

Jamielynn Fri 26-Jun-20 19:00:32

There was a gift receipt - customer services would only do an exchange though. So they wanted me to take it back with the original receipt for cash/gift voucher. It was £100

OP’s posts: |
bakingberry Fri 26-Jun-20 19:00:41

I think he's being rude. MIL should have told him to be grateful or to give it to the charity shop if he hates it that much. If he has given the item back to you I'd return it and buy myself something nice. I wouldn't give him the money.

Tell your DH to get the gift next time.

gazingahead Fri 26-Jun-20 19:01:13

He actually gave the gift back to your MIL to pass on to you? That's solidly rude.

I wouldn't give him the value of the item. I would return it for your own refund and tell your DH to give him a tenner the amount of money he sees fit.

Ohtherewearethen Fri 26-Jun-20 19:01:22

I know it makes sense to not have an unwanted item sitting in a wardrobe unused but him telling MIL and then her telling you doesn't sit right with me at all. I was always taught to graciously accept gifts but I know I wouldn't want to waste money on something that won't be used. I do think the request for the money instead is a bit off though. He does come across as ungrateful and immature if he got his mum to sort it out for him.
I'm puzzled as to why you're doing separate, expensive gifts now you're married though. It's usually the other way round!

Custardcreamies101 Fri 26-Jun-20 19:01:52

Does he not want to exchange it if it’s a brand that he always wears?

Merryoldgoat Fri 26-Jun-20 19:02:38

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with asking if he can exchange it but I wouldn’t ask for money.

I was given some Tiffany earrings by an aunt and they just weren’t me. I tried to like them but sold them in the end. I wish I’d just handed them back (nicely).

CoRhona Fri 26-Jun-20 19:02:45

How odd that since you got married you want to buy him something from you confused

Take it back, give him the money, DH buys all his gifts from now on.

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