To have DS stay at grandparents every week?

[Parlour20]

I’ve been struggling with moderate anxiety on and off since my DS was born four years ago. It flared up again early this year, as I was diagnosed with quite a serious health issue. The treatment was successful and I have to go for follow ups for the next few years to make sure the problem doesn’t return, so it’s a pretty positive outcome but it really set off my anxiety. Feeling constantly anxious for 6 months + has taken its toll on my mood. For the first time in my life, I think I may at risk of my low mood developing into clinical depression.

For background, I am a single parent and DS father has been very flakey. He has been back in DS’s life consistently for around a year and a half now. He pays a reasonable amount of maintenance, and sees him most days, which has been a huge weight off my shoulders. But he does not ever have him for extended periods of time - he is living in overcrowded accommodation with people I don’t know, so I wouldn’t feel comfortable with DS visiting there anyway. The time he spends with DS is going to the park for a couple of hours, doing the bath and bed routine etc.

With my recent anxiety/low mood, my DM has suggested DS to stay over once a week.

This would be an absolute dream for me. In the four years since he has been born, I have not had any longer than 6-8 hours away from him. Even when I have spent time with friends or gone out, I have to watch the clock to make sure I’m back on time, so as lovely as that time is, I never feel like I can truly relax. I love him dearly, and enjoy our time together and being a parent, but I feel so burnt out.

That being said, I don’t want to feel like I’m taking advantage of DM offering. They have a great relationship and are close, and see each other weekly anyway, but we have never done any overnight arrangements before.

I would really appreciate any views on this - AIBU to take DM up on this offer?

[3rdNamechange]

If she's offered and it would potentially help you feel better I'd do it.
If his father was living in suitable accommodation he could be having him EOW and one night a week, which he may do when he sorts himself out.
Maybe you could see how it goes ? if your son likes it , carry on.

[garbagegirl]

Ok I don't know what's best for YOU but as a child I rarely stayed home on the weekend. I went to stay with either my aunt or my gran and I have no doubt that was to save my mums sanity. However, I have no bad feeling about this. I have a really close relationship with my aunt and with my gran that I just know I never would have had without those weekends.

It's good for your kid to have other trusted adults and it's good for you to have a break

[NurseButtercup]

Please let your DM help you she's offered so you're definitely not taking advantage of her.

[BigBairyHollocks]

YANBU in the slightest. You can’t pour from an empty cup, let him go and have some time to yourself.

[Fatted]

If your mum is offering, accept the help! No wonder you're anxiety is so bad if you haven't had any child free time in four years!!

[megladon2020]

I would do it. It will benefit you both I'm sure.

[Jammysod]

If your mum is offering & DS is happy to sleepover, then I would absolutely do it.
Sounds like you really need the break, so would be hugely beneficial to both of you.

[devildeepbluesea]

Goodness me why wouldn't you do it?

Your mum has kindly offered to help and you need it. You can always address any problems which arise when they do actually arise.

[LolaLollypop]

I don't know why you'd think this WAS being unreasonable? Your parents have offered, your DC has a great relationship with them, you need the help... Plenty of grandchildren spend the night at their grandparents (mine included). Go for it. You can always change the arrangement of either party feels like it's not working.

[imapenguinlover]

Single parent to 3 here, oldest is 15 now but he stayed with my mum about once a week growing up and loved it and now that I'm on my own again 🙄 my younger two stay about once a week and also love it. That all stopped during lockdown and it showed me that actually I don't "need" it but they are asking to stay again and they miss it. I actually think it's great to have other committed adults in their life that they love. Plus I'm trying this whole thing now if happy mummy happy children and trying to enjoy my time when they are away. I'll be honest I don't make it well known as I've had comments in the past PA like oh aren't you so lucky, what would you do without your mum ect so it's my business. Also depression/anxiety history here - forgot to mention that.

[RedRec]

Both you and your mum sound lovely. I would say do it, definitely. As a pp has said, you can't pour from an empty cup, and you need, and deserve, a break.
Will be lovely bonding time between your mum and son too.

[Hellohah]

Absolutely take up the offer. DS is 14 now, and he has stayed with my parents once a week since he was a baby. (When I split with his Dad, I moved back in for a few months - so they were used to being with him). When I moved out, they had him once a week. He's been on holidays with them (without me) both in the UK and abroad.
They have a great relationship now, and have really missed not spending the time together during lock down.

It will be good for you, to spend some time on yourself where you can fully relax, and it will good for your DS who will no doubt have a great time being spoilt by grandparents.

[Parlour20]

Thank you for all the replies! I’m glad it doesn’t seem like it’s too cheeky for me to take up the offer. DS would love to stay I’m sure - he is always asking to go to their house, they have a lovely big garden and he has his own area to plant seeds in it’s quite difficult collecting him at home time when he visits, as he wants to stay for longer. They have a spare bedroom too, so the sleeping arrangements wouldn’t be difficult at all.

[lyralalala]

Take up the offer. A strong relationship with a Grandparent is a great thing and if it's an option (it's not for everyone - I lived with my GP's so they didn't have any break) it should be jumped at.

My kids adore staying with their grandparents when they can. They've really missed it during lockdown.

[Zzz1234]

I loved staying at my grandparents overnight when I was little, my kids have done th3 same, to me it’s just part of growing up

[Cocobean30]

You don’t need to worry about this it’s important for you MH that he stays there once a week. You don’t need to justify it

[Suzie6789]

I think you should take your mum up on her kind offer. No doubt they will both have a lovely time, I only have good memories about staying over at my grandmas as a youngster.

[Starlight39]

Definitely take them up on the offer and enjoy the time to yourself. My DS has always had overnights with his Dad but if he hadn't, this is something my parents would probably have offered and I would have definitely gratefully taken them up on it. It's really lovely to have a close relationship with grandparents and it makes such a difference as a single parent to have a block of childfree time to decompress a little.

[SleepingStandingUp]

I stopped reading halfway through op because you don't need to justify it.

Would you like it?
Would DM?
Would DC enjoy it / get used to it?

Three yesses is a pass

[TheSoapyFrog]

Definitely take her up on her offer! I have dreams of my mum offering me this!

[Trailing1]

Please take the help OP. my mother did this for me when I was in debilitating depression, I appreciate that some people dont have any family to help but if you do, take it.

[Keeva2017]

Who on earth thinks this is unreasonable? Go for it op and enjoy every peaceful minute.

[TheTrollFairy]

My mum has DD each week! They both have an awesome time. Dd is similar age to your DS!
Go for it, enjoy some sleep!

[june2007]

I think I would agree in the short term.

[tara66]

You don't really need to ask MN.