I'm trying to work out if I am helping in this situation or not. One friend says I am 'facilitating' my friend's anxiety and 'pandering' to it. I don't think I am, but would like some other opinions. I should say, it's not caused any kind of friction between friend and me, I just don't know if she has a point or not.
We have a mutual long-standing close friend who has chronic anxiety. I am really fond of her and she's been a great friend to me in the past, is so kind and always has time for people. We are pretty close. She suffers from chronic anxiety, depression and had a nervous breakdown several years ago. She has a lovely DH and two gorgeous girls that she would do anything for.
She has struggled massively throughout lockdown, as many people have, and it's increased her anxiety levels massively. We message most days and I have been concerned about how she's feeling but she won't ring her doctor in case they want to see her, there's no way she'd go. We have a small friendship group of 6 of us and one of us (not me) has just been given a great promotion at work that she's worked really hard for. She's invited everyone for a socially distanced celebratory drink in her garden on Sunday over WhatsApp and it's completely put my friend in a spin.
She ignored the message for a couple of days then messaged me to say that she didn't know what to do, she hadn't slept since getting the message and the thought of her going makes her feel sick as she didn't feel she can go. I told her to just send a message and say so, which she did and our other friends are fine about it (apart from one) - they know she struggles massively and didn't want her to feel pressured. I suggested that when she feels ready, we could go for a walk (2 m apart obv) which she said she'd think about and maybe she could come to her front door and we could have a chat if I stayed by her gate etc. All little things to try to give her a bit of confidence.
Friend who is not happy that mutual friend not coming sent a message to me asking if I could 'talk some sense' into mutual friend and said that she needs to sort herself out and come for our other friend. I said that mutual friend is struggling (as she knows) and doesn't feel that she can just yet. Friend says that I am just facilitating her anxiety and that mutual friend needs to 'snap out of this nonsense'. I don't think it's quite as simple as that and I'm only trying to support mutual friend. I don't have any experience of chronic anxiety but I see what it does to my friend and how it affects her. The last thing she needs is criticism and I want her to feel comfortable, not terrified when she does feel she can some out. I don't really know if I should be doing anything different to support her apart from listen I suppose. Any advice would be appreciated.
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AIBU?
To think I'm not facilitating my friend's anxiety?
75 replies
Megatron · 26/06/2020 11:54
OP posts:
Am I being unreasonable?
242 votes. Final results.
POLL
You are being unreasonable
7%
You are NOT being unreasonable
93%
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