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To want him to reduce his weed use?

(113 Posts)
9millioncansofbeans Thu 25-Jun-20 17:08:15

I rekindled a relationship recently with a past love. He is a regularly canabis user - 4-5 joints a day. He told me initially he wanted weed to have less control over him so that if he didn’t have access to it for a few days he would be ok. So I assumed that meant he wanted to cut back. When I asked how I could support him to reduce his use he responded by saying he has no intention of ever stopping or reducing his use and he doesn’t need me making him feel guilty over it. I explained that if we are together long term then that level of use impacts me in terms of holidays, days out etc and I would personally feel much happier if he smoked less ie just morning and evening at least.
He’s not willing to. I feel like it’s me doing all the compromise. I’m worried about future holidays and he wants me to take his word for it that if we ever went on holiday to a country where he couldn’t get weed he would be ok with it.
I would have hoped he would say when he’s with me he won’t smoke during the day just morning and evening. And that he would go a weekend with me without smoking to show me if we went on holiday he could do it. But I’m just meant to believe him and asking him to compromise slightly on his use is unreasonable in his eyes. So now I’m confused about if I’m being unreasonable and controlling to even ask?

I don’t smoke at all btw and I don’t know anyone else who does.

OP’s posts: |
araiwa Thu 25-Jun-20 17:09:40

What has smoking weed got to do with holidays?

xmummy2princesx Thu 25-Jun-20 17:10:31

Why did he say he didn’t want it to have control over him but won’t cut back? It seems like a lot of weed tbh

Aquamarine1029 Thu 25-Jun-20 17:11:44

He is being crystal clear. You are not important enough to him to limit his weed use. Weed comes before you in this relationship. You want more for your life surely.

9millioncansofbeans Thu 25-Jun-20 17:11:59

For context we don’t live together so if he was to only smoke mornings and evenings when with me then I don’t think it’s a massive compromise on his part

OP’s posts: |
9millioncansofbeans Thu 25-Jun-20 17:12:54

@araiwa just in terms of limitations to where you go on holiday if you need to keep smoking 5 a day

OP’s posts: |
9millioncansofbeans Thu 25-Jun-20 17:14:24

@xmummy2princesx I asked him that he said he doesn’t know how he will gain back control but he isn’t willing to cut back. Just wants to be in a position where he could go without if he had to for a few days. But no plan of how he will achieve that

OP’s posts: |
xmummy2princesx Thu 25-Jun-20 17:16:38

I’d leave him tbh. I’d deal with weed every now and then but 5 times a day is excessive and it seems like he wants to act like he’s in control but not do anything to make that happen tbh

MashedSpud Thu 25-Jun-20 17:16:59

Dump him.

He’s obviously not going to give it up. His weed will always be top priority to him.

Dozer Thu 25-Jun-20 17:17:38

His addiction means the weed is his priority. Wouldn’t continue to date him.

Nonononon Thu 25-Jun-20 17:26:05

Jesus Christ he must be baked constantly on that amount.
My ex was the same OP, it'll never change. Over time he'll become a shell of a person (if he isnt already..) and you'll be banging your head against the wall.
If this is such an issue for you then get out now. Some people are ok with it and that's up to them, their decision etc, but you're not ok with it and I can promise you now, this won't change.
Good luck.

namechangetheworld Thu 25-Jun-20 17:27:58

He's clearly addicted. I'd get rid, although I find it to be a revolting habit anyway. If you don't like it now, imagine how much worse it will be when you live together or have children.

Dozer Thu 25-Jun-20 17:38:14

Suggest you read up on addiction, for yourself, not to try and “support” him. You didn’t cause it and can’t control or cure it. Eg your proposed changes would be seeking to control it.

Merryoldgoat Thu 25-Jun-20 17:54:42

Why would you bother with this? Pot heads are boring twats.

We’re not talking a few joints at a party, 4/5 joints every day? That’s a guy to steer clear of.

Merryoldgoat Thu 25-Jun-20 17:55:02

Is he into conspiracy theories?

9millioncansofbeans Thu 25-Jun-20 18:00:06

@merryoldgoat yes!

OP’s posts: |
TheMarzipanDildo Thu 25-Jun-20 18:04:29

That sounds like a recipe for psychological problems

TeddyBeans Thu 25-Jun-20 18:07:13

Yeah don't bother. My ex was a weed smoking twat and it contributed massively to our eventual break up. Wish I'd had the balls to LTB years ago, he made my life miserable. You can do better

Merryoldgoat Thu 25-Jun-20 18:08:04

Mate - don’t bother with this one. He’s a twat. I promise you.

Frozenfrogs86 Thu 25-Jun-20 18:09:36

He is a drug addict. I wouldn’t date a drug addict.

madcatladyforever Thu 25-Jun-20 18:15:31

I loathe stoners, they can't take responsibility for anything. Does he work? I don't see how he can if he's stoned all the time.
What kind of future will you have with him? None is what.
Dump him, he's told you you aren't important enough to him to stop so he's come right out and said it.
If you don't leave him now then he knows he can do whatever the hell he wants for the rest of his life with you.

KittyVonCatsworth Thu 25-Jun-20 18:18:24

Speaking as a former toker, we're boring as fuck and most of our decisions are made on when and how we can get a smoke. What changed for me was almost losing my relationship, getting out of a stressful job and really reflecting on what I offered wrt life in general when I'm a smoker. I kicked the habit/addiction but sometimes could easily go back to it. Anyone who tells you that someone can't be addicted to it is talking crap; emotionally I was crippled without it. I enjoyed the feeling of nothingness but got frustrated at not feeling anything. I wasn't one of these trippy, let's giggle at everything, let's get the munchies, let's get creative stoners, I was a boring, introverted, inward shell.

It's that age old adage, you've got to want to kick it and address why youre doing it in the first place. Regular smoking holds no place in many people's lives.

TheTrollFairy Thu 25-Jun-20 18:19:46

I would leave him. I can’t be dealing with someone who has to smoke pot each day. I have nothing against smoking week unless it’s interfering with your life, which this obviously is

KittyVonCatsworth Thu 25-Jun-20 18:19:53

To add, I would have left if it was me experiencing living with it.

QuizzlyBear Thu 25-Jun-20 18:22:57

I've nothing against the odd smoke in moderation, but he is clearly not managing to moderate his use.

If he won't moderate it now - in the honeymoon period - he won't moderate it ever. Don't have kids with this guy or see him as a long term proposition.

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