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To expect a little help??(33 Posts)
Name changed as this is outing to anyone that knows me.
I had an accident yesterday, tripped on a kerb and bruised both knees and wrists plus cut hands. I was in a lot of pain yesterday but today everything aches.
So I asked DH last night if he could take a sick day today and help me with kids (we have 4), he said no get your parents to help. But he is now popping home to take youngest ones to school but I have to organise picking them up. We live a mile from school and there's no way I can manage it there and back.
I'm already struggling today, walking to our bathroom is so painful. I'm dreading getting the kids up and ready for school (DH has already left for work)
Should I just "woman up" and deal with it or aibu to expect some help??
Btw last night despite having my hand bandaged I cooked dinner and cleaned up, sorted the kids bedtimes out all while he watched tv. Thankfully my teenager helped.
So I'm also asking is do your dh's help you when you incapacitated??
I would expect him to help but not to the extent of taking a day off sick. That would be frowned upon where I work - he isn't sick! But it sounds like he should be doing more generally.
Is he usually a giant twat or is he just busy at work today?
If it's the former, then i don't think you can expect any different - that's the deal you signed up for when you married him, surely?
If it's the latter, then maybe a quick conversation is in order to see if you can work out a compromise.
Also, if you're in that much pain, I'd see a doctor to make sure you haven't done any real damage. Don't wait until it hasn't got better after a week of making it worse.
Totally unreasonable. If you were able to cook dinner and the rest yesterday I would also think that with some ibuprofen and moving around, you'll likely be able to get going.
Asking him to take a sick is asking him to lie to his employer and risking being sacked. Is it worth it? Now is not the time to come across as a skiver with so many people being made redundant..
He mentions your parents, can't they indeed help you?
Is your teenager going to be at home with you all day today? If so I'd expect him / her to do things for you so u can rest, not for dh to take a sick day.
However it does sound like when dh is at home he doesn't do enough to support you. Feel better soon
He needs to take dependant's leave, he isn't sick.
YAB a bit U - he cannot take a sick day because you had an accident.
Take pain killers, attend to your injuries and it’s time your teenage DC to help out. No deep cleaning or 5-course meal today though!
You probably played the martyr last night while doing all the tasks you listed.
He could be nicer but he already tried and did a drop off. Life doesn’t evolve around you...
I think you'll just have to do your best and your teenager help you if possible. If it means you can't even make it to school or back then so be it.
If you're truly unable to look after the kids then yes he should take a day off emergency unpaid leave, similar as working parents have to do if their child is sick last minute or the school is shut due to a snow day or the childminder calls in sick or they have to take their child to doctors or hospital etc. Where I work most parents have a day or so every so often for this. Or would arrange to come in late / leave early for school run in those circumstances. It would have been shit of him to sit and watch tv while you cleaned and cooked and tidied etc even without the injury to be honest
Ot course YABU. I’m actually really surprised that anyone expects their other half to take a sick day when they aren’t sick.
I know I know I know I'm unreasonable, just needed to hear it from others.
Think I'm just feeling sorry for myself, painkillers taken and coffee made.
And if I really couldn’t walk I’d either get a taxi or send the teenager to do the school run (mine are still at home though).
Try to only do what's necessary op. For example yesterday when you were in a lot of pain perhaps your teenager could've done tuna pasta for everyone and washed up. It does sound like u did too much yesterday.
He shouldn’t take a sickie, he isn’t sick.
I’d take some pain killers, and cope but do the minimum possible.
Collect the dcs from school, ask your teenager to help with making snacks etc this afternoon but order a takeaway for supper, and spend some time resting.
FWIW in the situation you describe, I think my DH would take one day off so I could rest up (not sick leave though). But those in work at the moment are feeling the pressure to be seen to be performing. Can your parents safely help given social distancing? Any other parents at school who can collect the kids ?
Your muscles have probably stiffened up overnight and you will find you feel better as you go throughout the day, especially with some painkillers in you. Just get on with things and set an example to your DC, it won't kill your teenager to give you a helping hand and make you a cuppa.
YABU to expect your DH to pull a sick day but YANBU to feel a bit sorry for yourself, especially first thing in the morning.
As above you'll feel better after some pain killers and movement. Dc sound all primary age so imagine it won't be too hard to muddle through. Get teenager to help/do school run. DH probably thought you were ok seeing you still managed everything last night but I'd not expect anyone to take a sick day for a walking injury of another anyway. Light exercise is far better for recovery than sitting around anyway although it might not feel that way right now.
He isn’t sick so why would he take a sick day?
He should be using time off for dependents but that might not be paid.
If you simply tripped over a curb and fell over you shouldn't be in this much pain, unless you have underlying conditions. Get your teenager to help out and maybe see a doctor in case you've done some serious damage. I broke my wrist doing similar, I didn't however take any time off work or expect DH to!
I think you're unreasonable to ask him to take a sick day. He's not sick. You're not unreasonable to want some extra help but if that's not available then you'll have to muddle through. Can the teen pick up the younger kids later? When your dh is home make it clear you are doing no housework stuff that evening and keep topped up on painkillers.
My DH is a secondary teacher, so I would have to be on death's door to consider asking him to not go in (under normal circumstances). At the very least, he would try to call in a favour for someone to cover his last lesson and get home as early as he could.
As for everything else - dinner, cleaning up, getting kids sorted - he wouldn't let me lift a finger if I'd hurt myself badly. He's extremely caring and helpful in general though.
So, I think YABU to ask him to call in sick, but NBU at all to expect him to help more when you are hurt.
Hope you feel better soon.
Why did he sit on his arse and leave you to do the evening meal and bedtime routine on your own last night? In fact, why does he feel able to do that any night, whether you're hurt or not?
Tell him he needs to step up this evening and look after his children.
Don't send the children to school
Sorry but I have had similar situations myself, with much more serious injuries and found myself high and dry on the help front.
It is sad and upsetting when you think you are all alone with no support, it is the fact that there no 'sick' days for us ever, and very little in the way of support. I happen to think he could have helped a bit, at least by getting the dc ready for school and dropping them in.
Perhaps ask him to pick them up? Let him know you will be resting and he will be doing dinner etc later. They are his children as well.
First off that sounds painful. I hope you're back to full mobility soon.
My DH would have seen that i couldn't do things and automatically helped and asked what i needed for today. If possible (usually not) he would have asked for a short-notice day's holiday to help.
For me it depends on the teen though - how old? are they around to help?
I think you may need to learn to articulate your needs more? and not be fobbed into doing things when you're clearly not up to it.
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