To smother him as he sleeps?

[MitziK]

I'm shit at going to sleep. The blasted sleep app I have been religiously using for months tells me that I get around 5 hours' kip a night, frequently less than 3 and occasionally (thanks to lockdown) around 6. Which is handy, as that takes me to when I have to wake up for work.

I'm never asleep before 2am, no matter whether I go to bed early or not.

Until tonight. I went to bed at 10pm and actually started feeling properly tired shortly afterwards.

Guess who woke me up at just after midnight? That's right. He assumed that because it was 'early', I wasn't going to be asleep. And when he realised I was snoring like a pig probably asleep, he decided that I might be cold AND PUT THE FUCKING 14.5 TOG QUILT OVER ME AND TUCKED IT IN.

It's still 30 degrees in this brick lined storage heater. I had my third shower of the day immediately before I went to bed and spreadeagled myself in front of the fan, still dripping wet. The DTwatCats are doing impressions of melted ice lollies across the landing.

BUT HE DECIDED I NEEDED A FUCKING WINTER QUILT OVER ME.


i do like him a lot, but really? And the utter knob is now snoring his fucking head off. Whilst wearing clothes. And a fucking quilt. Because he's got 'work in the morning so please stop talking'. He starts 3 and half hours later than I do. And I'M WIDE FUCKING AWAKE NOW.

I can legally smother him for this, can't I?

[Msmcc1212]

Read your title and was horrified. Thought you meant your DC! Was going to report. But as it’s DH. Yes. Of course. That’s legal! Sure I read that somewhere. Totally can’t sleep either. Soooo hot! And hormones to boot. Hope you drift off soon OP.

[mamansnet]

Can you put another duvet on him and turn the heating on so it gets boiling hot just as you leave the house?

[Happynow001]

@mamansnet
Can you put another duvet on him and turn the heating on so it gets boiling hot just as you leave the house?
🤣🤣 🥵

[itsmesoitis]

Perfectly acceptable case of permitted smothering here OP.

If you decide he's actually worth keeping around, head to Lush and get some of their Sleepy shower gel/body cream. After months of insomnia, anxiety and DH smothering fantasies, I now blissfully dose off in 10 mins completely oblivious to foghorn leghorn beside me.

[MitziK]

When Sleeping Twatface woke up this morning, looking all refreshed and relaxed - and cool. Because he kicked the sodding quilt off at some point. He looked most perturbed at the state of me. Bearing in mind I'd been sitting on the back doorstep since 4am (it was nice and cool there, shame I couldn't have slept there, as it was actually rather lovely), I'm not exactly looking my best.

He's apologised profusely and told me to 'get some rest'.

And then scuttled off to work before I pointed out that the very carefully shaded upstairs is currently reading 34 degrees and I still have to work.

Hoping for a quiet day. No sign of it yet, though.

And heaven help him if he so much as looks in my direction tonight!