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Tired of being the ‘ugly’ friend?(8 Posts)
I have always been insecure I was an ugly duckling and overweight with braces when I was a teen and now I guess you could say I look better I’ve dyed my hair and lost weight etc However I still have massively low self esteem still and it is killing me.
My close friend since I was about 16 has always looked like a model and my whole life people have messaged me to tell me how good looking she is, can I set them up etc. On nights outs people used to comment ‘oh I’m stuck with the ugly friend’ when I was with her. Everytime me and her go out she gets stares and compliments and the same thing happened today.
It has made me feel really down and I know its not her fault I should be supportive and she is a great friend but I can’t handle being the ugly friend and constantly being bombarded with critiques and comparisons on my appearance.
AIBU to feel tired of being the ‘ugly’ friend?
That’s tough, have felt similar in past, with some really low overheard or direct comments from men hitting on the ‘beautiful one‘ that still haunt me 20years later. I think the old cliche that you have to work on yourself is true, but not sure I ever managed it. However, am now in 40s and noticed my ‘beautiful’ friends (who would be stopped in the street in their 20s etc) are struggling with the ‘invisibility’ of encroaching middle age whereas I feel more relaxed as I never ‘had it’. I think if a lot of doors opened for you due to beauty, that it’s struggle later in life when fewer doors open. Also I never got involved with sun beds and all that stuff and have now realised I haven’t aged so badly.
YANBU to feel down about this.
Keep your friend, but also make new friends and have a fresh start with them.
New people in your life will only know the new you, and that can give you more confidence.
I have to admit I only seem to have very good looking friends, some ridiculously so, but I have never met anyone so rude as to message me telling me how better looking the others are! That's just nasty.
Yes, make new friends and go out with them.
Welcome to my life!
I was always "the ugly friend" growing up. Going out with friends in our teens and early 20s, they'd have men all over the place, and none ever so much as glanced at me. And it bothered me, for a long time. I always did my best to scrub up, but there's only so much you can do with genetics!
Now though, it honestly doesn't bother me. Our clubbing days are long over! Luckily, I've always had lots of friends. People say I'm easy going, a good laugh, trustworthy. I make friends easily, wherever I go, and that's now good enough for me!
Just to say, some of the most traditionally beautiful people I have ever met have been horrible, whereas some of my favourite people on the entire planet would class themselves as unattractive.
It's someone's spirit which makes them special.
I have a saying, "No one earns their face."
First off, I've felt like this so I understand but I guarantee you aren't actually ugly. True ugliness is something that comes from within. Happy people with high self-esteem and purpose in life are not ugly.
Second, you should definitely make new friends and expand your social circle. It may be the case that your friend looks like a model but she won't be everyone's type. People who are shallow enough only to be interested in people's looks are shallow enough to drop them like a hot brick when they get bored -- you should also have friends with more depth. Find other friends with similar temperaments and interests. These will be long-lasting and these people won't care what you look like.
Third, being conventionally beautiful undeniably has some advantages, but it doesn't guarantee happiness and can actually be a disadvantage. "Beautiful" people can be a magnet for the above-mentioned shallow people who want arm candy and validation. They can be just as miserable, lonely and unloved as the rest of us and will attract more than their fair share of vain twats.
I had this for many years with one of my oldest school friends. Throughout school and college and then into our early twenties she was always the pretty, thin one whereas I was a bit overweight and at best average looking. I sometimes used to dread going on nights out with her because I'd feel fat ugly and invisible from start to finish. A lot of the cutting comments about being the ugly friend still sting today.
But I had personality that she didn't. She was quite selfish and stuck up and for all of her good looks it didn't go down well with people.
All I can say is that you have your own beauty so don't compare. It doesn't matter so much when you're older about looks. Be confident in who you are.
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