Partner and finances

[user023858582]

Partner lost his job at the start of lockdown and had to claim universal credits, this just covers car insurance and his phone bill.

Luckily my wage I covering h for the time being.

He has a credit card he paid off just before this happened, and has not touched it since as there's no need to get into debt when my wage is covering the bills.

My AIBU is, he's just asked me to transfer him some money and I can spend said amount off his credit card to cover it.

I have said no repeatedly as why would I basically give him my money for him to get into debt until god knows when things settle back down and he can eventually find a job (is actively applying and has always worked so no problems there)

Apparently I'm unreasonable and he has had a right to at me and went off in a huff... this money was apparently to 'cover overdraft fees' ... what do you think?

[Cinderellasshoe]

I don't understand. Could you reword the question?

[MrsGrindah]

I’m guessing you mean he has no access to cash and is suggesting you give it to him and he “pays you back” by you using his credit card?

[user023858582]

Sorry I didn't realise how long I rambled on for!

Basically, am I unreasonable not giving him it and is my reasoning?

I am not doing so because why would I give him money to spend when this money will be coming off his credit card (I've to transfer the money to him and spend the same amount off his credit card so basically I'm not loosing out) so it is just getting into debt which was his initial reasoning for not using the card.

Hope this makes more sense.

[user023858582]

Yes that is what I mean

[MissConductUS]

What does he want to spend the money on?

[Housewife71]

Can you afford to give him a small allowance each week/month until he gets a job or pay his car insurance and phone bill leaving him his UC to spend. He can pay you back when he gets a new job? He would be paying you back less than what he would owe the credit card.

Why is he overdrawn? Has he got other expenses other than the car insurance and phone bill?

What would he do for you if it was you who had lost your job?

[MrsGrindah]

Well it depends on your relationship. If my partner was generally hard working and responsible with money , genuinely looking for work etc. I’d happily give him some cash without expecting it back because we are a team.

But your posts suggests something else. So you need to explain no , you don’t feel comfortable. He can live off his cards if he wants or needs to but you won’t be getting involved.

[Hazelnutlatteplease]

I missed what you are covering with your wage. Do you live together? Do you have a joint budget

[Merryoldgoat]

Is this a partner you live with who has lost his job and has no access to money, so asked you for some? Is that right?

[Gulabjamoon]

So after his UC goes on car insurance and mobile bill, does he have spending money left?

Do you have spending money after you pay all the bills?

You should have equal spending money.

[Leaannb]

Not a chance I hell. He should have kept his finances under control and not overspent his account

[Rowan8]

Am still unsure what your ask is here, but if it’s along the lines of getting into more debt unnecessarily then the short answer is no.
If their is a bill/charge to be paid then pay it using the cheapest way, ie where you won’t accur more interest if you’re using debt to pay a charge. Do what’s best for your family

[user023858582]

We live together and have a newborn, but have never shared finances, he has given me a set amount each month towards the bills.

My wage covers everything - rent, all household bills (electric, gas, sky, Internet, etc) shopping, from food to clothes. Council tax.

I am only on maternity leave at the moment so even less income, otherwise I would give his some cash to spend on himself.

HTH

Maybe I have over reacted because he shouted at me and stormed off, being together nearly constantly these past few weeks have been.... mostly lovely

[Merryoldgoat]

YABU.

You are a family. You should have equal access to money and your income should be treated as household income.

[Gulabjamoon]

Ok, it sounds like the wage and UC is just enough to cover the bills/food etc so he is definitely unreasonable.

However, why does he want you to spend on his credit card and you transfer him the money? Why doesn’t he just use his credit card himself? I’m not saying he should but it’s bizarre he wants cash from you when he has a credit card.

[Merryoldgoat]

Sorry - the credit card shouldn’t be used. But if there is spare mo at it should be split.

[HeddaGarbled]

There are two separate issues:

1. Should you spend on his credit card. I agree this is a no.
   

1. Should you sub him some cash to spend. Don’t know - depends on answers to questions from PPs above.

[TeaForTara]

I don't understand either. What does he need the money for? Instead of you lending him cash and spending the equivalent amount on his credit card, why doesn't he just buy whatever he needs on his card? Or why don't you just loan him the amount to be repaid in cash when he's working again?

[HowLongCanICallitBabyWeight]

If the cash is for overdraft fees which will increase, sub him, but I'd be expecting him to be looking for work, if he wants to pay you back I'd say at a later date not by putting things on credit

[chrestomamci]

I think if a woman posted this saying I’ve lost my job DH earns enough to cover all the bills but refuses to give me any money for general expenses then he would be called finically abusive and the poster would be told of course he should share all money is family money.

You should “pay it back” yo yourself by spending in his credit card but i guess it depends what he needs the money for? I’d like to think if I was in his situation my DH would give me some money to buy myself the odd chocolate bar or can of Diet Coke

[MrsGrindah]

You don’t have to share a bank account to share finances. DH and I have our own accounts but it’s all family money. If you are a family unit that should be the deal. So yes odd give his cash if he needed it and avoid credit card debt regardless of whose name it is in. But it sounds to me like you are not a team.

[Hazelnutlatteplease]

There's debt on the credit card.

[user023858582]

I definitely don't refuse to give him money, my card is always available for him to use if he needs anything, and dosent need to ask.

I was hesitant because initially he wouldn't tell me what for, I asked numerous times and he eventually said overdraft fees.

I transferred it and he has transferred it back, as is still not happy about it.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

Is it to cover his overdraft fees? How much is it?
I’d probably pay it to stop him further getting penalised by the bank, is he good with money usually?

[user023858582]

Also, couldn't have transferred it back if he had overdraft fees. Is that correct?