Because it's really fucking me off.
PILs are nice, I like them, but we are very different people. They are very close to SIL and her children who visit for hours every day. I would say they are unusually close, but that's up to them, however it's not how I am myself.
Their favourite topic of conversation is the family, who is doing what, whether they should be doing it, what they should be doing instead. They can be a bit bitchy but there's no real malice in it, none of them have any hobbies or interests so they're just very very into each other and each other's lives, to the point where every event is hashed over and discussed, no matter how minor. For instance, if one of SIL's kids is at at a friend's house when we visit, this fact is relayed to us and discussed ad infinitum. Sil has rushed to the house to tell PILs that we've been on perfectly ordinary days out (posted a photo on Facebook) as if it's really big news, that sort of thing.
DH,in turn, seems to feel the need to relate every aspect of our own business as if it's news. I've weaned him off the worst of it- informing them of my medical appointments for example - but he will still relay every fact, even ones I honestly would have thought he'd know better - comments I've made about my best friend's boyfriend who is a dick to be sure, but who happens to work with BIL, that sort of thing.
They really took against my other SIL (not DH's sister) when she had her children, basically because she did things differently to them. We now have a baby and I know they will be having similar conversations and discussions about us. I had a chat with DH about how now that we are adults with a family of our own, we don't need to inform our parents about every little thing we do. Now I've just found out that he's told them something I actually made a point of asking him not to- a small decision I was talking with him about regarding our baby, along the lines of when I should stop breastfeeding. SIL is now asking how the weaning is going.
Aibu or is this not a big deal? I try to talk to him about it and he gets offended and thinks I'm criticising his parents, but I'm not, I just don't feel the need to relay all information to them. It feels at times as though DH has been trained to do this -at its height I've seen him visit, sit down, and immediately start into a blow by blow account of everything we've been doing since we last saw them. He doesn't even question it or cherry pick information, and I've seen his siblings do exactly the same thing.
Everything just seems to be held in common in the family, they also walk in and out of houses and take things without asking and I suspect they think me up myself because I don't do things this way. I would count myself close to my own family, but we're all quite private and individual people and I think naturally a bit more careful of where we tread.
DH is cross at me now because I had a go at him about once again sharing information that should have been between us with them. I actually have to specifically ask him not to repeat certain things because he just has no filter for what it shareable and what should obviously not be, yet he still slips up.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
AIBU?
Aibu to ask my husband to stop relaying everything to pils
123 replies
Idaofmay · 24/06/2020 16:57
OP posts:
Am I being unreasonable?
749 votes. Final results.
POLL
You are being unreasonable
11%
You are NOT being unreasonable
89%
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.