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how often do you ask someone to make you a cup of tea?

(77 Posts)
Grannywatch Wed 24-Jun-20 15:02:43

My mother has a form for this and for my whole life I’ve thought it’s absolutely normal (not like I’d feel able to ask).

I’ve invited her to come stay as her depression has got worse while shielding by herself. It’s not like she doesn’t feel at ‘home’ as she’s happily gone through my cupboards and moaned about dust sitting on the back tins etc and reordered my towel rack. She’s also been fine using the last bit of milk this morning for one of her milky coffees.

Yesterday she asked me to make her a cup of tea (I was in the garden enjoying a bit of sun talking to a friend on the phone) and this morning I was weeding the front garden. Both times she’s walked past the kettle (and by the time it’s taken me to take my shoes off + wash my hands the kettle would have already boiled).

Is this perfectly normal or is my mum being a CF (probably because she’s a control freak and likes to be ‘on top’).

OP’s posts: |
TheFormidableMrsC Wed 24-Jun-20 15:04:25

No that's not ok if she's staying there and capable of making her own. I'd also have sent her out to replace milk. Don't start going down that road, you'll end up waiting on her!

ItchySeveredFoot Wed 24-Jun-20 15:05:59

My mum does this too with coffee. She does however have MS so making it for her is better. But I do think it might be a mum thing though. My kids are 6 and 3 but one day I'll ask them!

Lolapusht Wed 24-Jun-20 15:06:56

CF of the highest order. Perfectly fine if she makes you one, but I doubt she does. I recently had an argument with my DH because I didn’t want to make him one. He was p*ssing me off anyway and he NEVER makes me a cup of tea, but I always make one for him when I get one for me. He’s the sort that doesn’t want one until someone else has got up to make one for themselves. He still doesn’t make me one and I doubt he ever will. He justifies it with a “I hadn’t thought about it until you mentioned it” angry

FuckyNel Wed 24-Jun-20 15:11:14

The rules are whoever makes themselves one asks everyone else if they want one

TwoZeroTwoZero Wed 24-Jun-20 15:12:12

I wouldn't do what your mum did and expect someone to stop a task or job and make me a cup of tea but I do say to dh, "If you're making a cuppa I'll have one," if he's in the kettle area or if we're both in the living room together. He does the same to me too.

BakewellGin1 Wed 24-Jun-20 15:14:34

I'd say CF...

I always make my own and ask if anyone would like one unless I'm at someone else's house and offered one.

Regular visitors in my home such as mum and sister make their own if I'm busy

Rockbird Wed 24-Jun-20 15:14:41

I frequently ask DH to make tea! He doesn't mind as we both drink loads of it and I do all the cooking so it evens out.

CuriousaboutSamphire Wed 24-Jun-20 15:15:25

Weird! You offer to make tea/coffee, you don't ask for one to be made!!!

DH doesn't drink tea. He makes us both coffee first thing and then makes me tea throughout the day. I never ask.

FrenchBoule Wed 24-Jun-20 15:15:49

Point it out to her OP that she passed the kettle on her way to you and what stopped her to make one herself? No doubt her reaction will be to huff and puff or excuse her behaviour with her condition.

@Lola your DH is a selfish git. It’s alright for him to not to think about youbut not the other way round?

Both lazy, inconsiderate and CF in need of a tea making fairy.

We take turns in this house.Whoever wants a cuppa puts the kettle on and offers to make one.

GreenGordon Wed 24-Jun-20 15:15:55

It’s not a mum, or grandma thing. I am both. I never ask for tea, and only get made one if my daughter happens to be here without her children. Otherwise she’s too busy with the baby.

laurelhedge Wed 24-Jun-20 15:16:33

I make my own, offer other people, but do t like asking for one. I wait until offered.

TheFlis12345 Wed 24-Jun-20 15:16:52

Unless sick in bed, I don’t think I have ever asked someone to make me a cup of tea!

Shoxfordian Wed 24-Jun-20 15:16:56

Just point it out to her nicely
Say I want you to feel at home, help yourself to tea or coffee

Notapheasantplucker Wed 24-Jun-20 15:19:49

Just start making shit brews op, she won't ask again.

Mangomumma Wed 24-Jun-20 15:23:40

DH & I make tea for each other without asking. If either of us wants one, we make for the both of us. We drink a lot of tea!

vanillandhoney Wed 24-Jun-20 15:27:31

The only time I ask someone for a cup of tea is if they're making one of themselves anyway - but in that scenario they've normally already offered.

I can't imagine walking past the kettle to ask someone else to do it for me!

Waveysnail Wed 24-Jun-20 15:30:44

Is it about the tea or does she want to sit and have a chat and a cuppa?

WombatStewForTea Wed 24-Jun-20 15:34:14

I ask DH a couple of times a day but in my defense it's when I'm breastfeeding the baby or she's fallen asleep on me. Never did before

LightenUpSummer Wed 24-Jun-20 15:36:08

When my DM visits she makes herself a cup of tea. But never asks me if I want one.

VaTeLaverLesMains Wed 24-Jun-20 15:36:18

I do admit that because I am often making others drinks and people rarely offer me one, I will ask for a coffee especially after I've made dinner.

Or I say to dh, 'will you spontaneously offer me a drink in a bit? '

I'm probably a cow.

mindutopia Wed 24-Jun-20 15:39:21

I can't really remember a time other than when I physically couldn't do it - pinned under sleeping or feeding baby or the other week I smashed up my hand falling down, don't even ask, I'm really accident prone blush and I sliced a good chunk out of my finger and was bleeding a lot and lightheaded, so asked dh to make me a cup of tea (he knows the mumsnet rule of making it really sweet in emergencies like this).

Otherwise, yeah, it's a bit odd. My mum does mention that she would like a coffee. But she doesn't visit us often and I think would feel awkward just helping herself sometimes.

Scbchl Wed 24-Jun-20 15:42:07

Its very strange. The only time I ask someone is when my husband says to me in the evening "do you want anything?" He will also make me a cup in the morning if he is making one. Other than that I dont ask and defo wouldnt in the situation your mums in. Why dont you just say to her I'm busy do it yourself.

LakieLady Wed 24-Jun-20 15:42:32

I'm a compulsive tea drinker. I drink gallons of the stuff. I sometimes think that if I had a blood test, my blood would be at 80% tea.

In normal times, colleagues are so used to this that they don't even ask, they just make me tea whenever they make a drink.

I never ask anyone to make one for me though, and when I make one I always offer to make a drink for anyone else who's around. MIL seems to drink very little, so at her house I'm always asking if I can make a cuppa, and most of the time she insists on making it herself, which is frustrating as she's a coffee drinker and makes shite tea. And it comes in small mugs.

arinah Wed 24-Jun-20 15:43:13

I've never asked anyone to make me tea/coffee unless they offer first. DH asks me to go out of my way to make him one all the time, even when I'm in the middle of breastfeeding. God forbid if I ever ask him to make me one, he won't let me forget it for weeks to come 🙄

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