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To suggest he goes on holiday with his ex and DC

(103 Posts)
BallofResentment Wed 24-Jun-20 14:31:57

My partner wants to go on holiday. I don't. They have three children together and I know they all love going to a particular holiday destination - it gets mentioned quite a bit. They get on well and the children would love it. Is it crazy to suggest? I wouldn't particularly like it but I'd get the house to myself which I'd love! They'd get to spend time as a family again and enjoy a holiday. And before anyone asks, no I wouldn't pester him everyday. I'd probably just ask for a "got here safe" message and an idea of when he will be back.

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TrustTheGeneGenie Wed 24-Jun-20 14:33:46

Yes it's crazy.

With just his DC, fine. With his ex? Weird, inappropriate and confusing for the kids.

Bookaholic73 Wed 24-Jun-20 14:34:21

If your partner and his ex have been separated for a considerable length of time, and it wouldn’t bother you, and they are all keen, I don’t see why not.

It’s definitely not something I would be happy for my DH to do, but that’s just me.

BallofResentment Wed 24-Jun-20 14:36:00

DC are all 10+ does that make a difference or still confusing?

They have been separated over six years.

I wouldn't love it but I don't want to go on holiday yet. They all do.

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TrustTheGeneGenie Wed 24-Jun-20 14:37:21

Still confusing!

Why are you suggesting it if you don't want it?

Your DH can take his kids. It ain't your problem, or his, what his ex wife wants to do!

namesnames Wed 24-Jun-20 14:37:52

If you're ok with it, why not?

What does your dp think?

Alexandernevermind Wed 24-Jun-20 14:39:26

It won't be confusing for 10+ children, and practically it sounds like a great idea, but you are a better person than me for being okay with it!

Skybooks Wed 24-Jun-20 14:40:53

I actually think it would be a really nice thing for you to suggest. He might not want to or she might not then it doesn't happen.

I'm sure the children would understand if explained correctly and 1 parent in each room.

I'm sure the children would have a better time with 2 parents than just 1 and each parent will be able to have a little break too.

Proudboomer Wed 24-Jun-20 14:42:37

Why can’t he just take his kids?
Surely he is capable of looking after his own three kids without a woman’s help.

JuanitaJuanita Wed 24-Jun-20 14:42:51

I don't think this is an "opinions of strangers" solvable type problem. If it work for you, you trust them and the kids are all levelheaded - why not 🤷🏼‍♀️
It's something only you can say whether it'll work or not. Do you trust them both not to, potentially, get all misty eyed at each other after a couple of wines?

mindutopia Wed 24-Jun-20 14:43:00

I don't think there is anything wrong with two co-parents who aren't together going on holiday. My parents did, sometimes my dad's partner came too. It was fine and actually much better than just me going with my dad (because he was useless and would have had no idea what to do with a child).

But why can't he just take his 3 children and go on holiday? Surely, his ex doesn't have to come too, right? I'm happily married, but dh and I both take ours on holiday sometimes without the other.

rottiemum88 Wed 24-Jun-20 14:44:26

I don't see why this is any of your business to suggest? Surely if your partner and his ex are both adults, they can come up with the idea all on their own if they wanted to do it, and you could say you're ok with it. Why are you trying to parent them? confused

Tlollj Wed 24-Jun-20 14:45:51

Yeah why not. The dc are paramount in this of course, so as long as they don’t start thinking mum and dad are getting back together I think it’s a good idea.

BallofResentment Wed 24-Jun-20 14:49:15

I haven't mentioned it to him yet. But I know he is desperate for a holiday and I just don't want to go. I love a holiday like anyone else does but I just don't feel comfortable with going yet.

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Itsgottobethisone Wed 24-Jun-20 14:53:01

I don’t see what the problem is really. How is it confusing for the children if they go away with their parents who are just friends. Surely they’ve seen them together in the last 6 years.

BallofResentment Wed 24-Jun-20 14:53:35

I'm not trying to parent them confused it would be a suggestion which may work for them. It may not. But they would both then get a holiday instead of both taking the children to the same place at different times and both have adult company too.

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1forAll74 Wed 24-Jun-20 14:54:45

I don't see a problem with this. If he has an amicable relationship with his ex, it's fine.

TrustTheGeneGenie Wed 24-Jun-20 14:54:58


I don’t see what the problem is really. How is it confusing for the children if they go away with their parents who are just friends. Surely they’ve seen them together in the last 6 years.

I just personally think it is confusing. They don't live together, presumably don't socialise together and weren't happy together hence splitting... So why now go on holiday together as a family? Bizzarre.

AryaStarkWolf Wed 24-Jun-20 14:55:30

I wouldn't fancy it personally but each to their own I guess

Lavendersquare Wed 24-Jun-20 15:02:00

@BallofResentment what would you do if this holiday with the ex and children went ahead and he realised he actually misses the ex and being a proper family?

Presumably they got on before and we're at one time attracted to each other, so what's to stop that happening again? Especially when they're on holiday having a glass of two enjoying each other's company.

I think it's a crazy idea.

BallofResentment Wed 24-Jun-20 15:16:32

@Lavendersquare I'd learn not to do it with the next one! Seriously though, I don't know. I don't think they like each other like that any more. I have an ex (no kids) and I'd happily go on holiday with him because we were friends as well. I think after a time exes can become friends again without misty eyes getting involved?! Maybe that is crazy I don't know.

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diddl Wed 24-Jun-20 15:16:36

Why can't he just go on holiday with his kids?

GameSetMatch Wed 24-Jun-20 15:21:52

Well I think it’s a great idea, the kids wouldn’t find it confusing at all, separate rooms rather than a family room obviously. You sound lovely and it would be a kind suggestion.

BallofResentment Wed 24-Jun-20 15:23:03

He can. Just this way he has another adult to talk too.

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dontdisturbmenow Wed 24-Jun-20 15:24:08

If everyone is happy with it, why not, but it has to be what everyone is comfortable with.

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