My top Three Most Epic (Semi) Silent Battles with DH

[DesperateSusan]

100 days into lockdown and here are a couple of my most epic (semi) silent battles with DH:

In the evening when we need to put a light on I switch on a few lamps that lights the room beautifully, he puts on an overhead light to give us that “interrogation” feel.

# I put the milk back in the fridge immediately after using it, he leaves it out on the counter presumably so the rest of us can enjoy the delights of room temperature milk later in the day.

# I like the TV remote control to sit between us on the couch so we can each flick channels if we want, he thinks he is the master of the remote control and must sit holding it.

AIBU? Please, I want to know that these things are not just happening to me!!!!

[BlackeyedSusan]

maybe he can only see properly in interrogation level light... like me.

but the other two definitely not being unreasonable... does he have a fondness for cottage cheese in a bottle. this weather will make milk curdle rapidly.

[TheMandalorian]

I would suggest mentioning these irritants to him but then you would be a nag.
I would leave the milk out for him and lock the rest in a fridge box for everyone else to enjoy.
Take the light bulb out of the overhead light.
Make your mobile phones the remote control for your TV.

[Disfordarkchocolate]

My husband would sit in the dark if I wasn't there so I win the 'light battle' every night. We have a lamp that is named the 'interrogation lamp' no matter what bulb you put in its like the prelude to torture. He was won the battle to never use this lamp.

We had a week long stand off about cleaning the bathroom, I lost that one.

[Carandi]

Tonight in front of the TV sit there holding the remote yourself and see if he comments.

[DappledThings]

I hate lamps. I find them fussy and annoying. The only ones we own are in the bedroom and that's only so you can turn off the light without getting out of bed.

I used to have the battle.of lights/lamp with my last flatmate many years ago. She always went to bed earlier than me at which point I would switch from gloomy lamp to the proper light. On the rare occasions she got up again to get a drink or something she would huff about the light being on even when she had left the room.

[pennylane83]

I'm with your husband regards the remote control. Its mine!!!

[Seasiderabbit]

YANBU

These things would irritate me. My silent battles:

• he wears his actual slippers outside, even when it's wet
  
• remote control issue same as OP
  
• he manages to soak the bathroom floor and kitchen floor with water and just leaves it. Then walks through it.
  
• interrogation light same as OP, nothing to do with eyesight
  
• he slings wet clothes onto cold radiators and expects them to magically dry. Because he can't be arsed to put them on the washing line.

[MitziK]

I don't have the interrogation light to deal with I'd probably be posting for advice on disposing of a body if I did.

However, the two additional crimes against nature I fight the good fight against every single day are

• the toilet roll on the holder the wrong way when he replaces it. I turn it back without saying anything because, hey, he changes the toilet roll.

• the crockery cupboard has plenty of space - a stack of plates, stack of teaplates, stack of large bowls, stack of small bowls. Every single time I open the doors, he has mixed everything up and balanced things precariously. So I rearrange it and walk away, thinking 'it's sorted now'. The next time I open the door, I'm faced with what almost appears to be a deliberate mixing up of the crockery again, as it's just as bad as before.

I don't care that much about the remote control because it's a bastarding Android box that doesn't always work and I have my laptop for 'Working from Home' anyhow. Except when I have to help him look for it. It's normally down his side of the settee or underneath a cat's arse.

[MitziK]

Oh, and the leaving food, drinks and milk on the side to go off/get contaminated by flies/grow mould?

Easy.

If it's not nailed down, I throw it away. No second chances. No 'oh, but'. It goes in the bin. The only place anything is safe is in the fridge or in the food cupboard. And even fridge stuff gets throw if it's not properly wrapped, sealed or is going a bit crispy/wilty/not entirely fresh.

[Bluegrass]

Centre lights are only to be used briefly whilst looking for lost remote controls. All other use is banned.

[Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches]

I really hate it if someone wants to hold the remote. I can’t relax thinking they might flick the channel any minute. It should be put down on the coffee table.

I also agree about the lights. There is an optimal level in my view - not squinting in the dark but not interrogation level. My children don’t seem to get this!

[Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches]

Dd does the precarious piles of stuff in the cupboards, but she is only 11 a dishwasher clearing is her pocket money jobS

[Namechangex10000]

I’m with bluegrass!

I don’t have a lamp

I sit in the dark

We have the battles of the curtains. They are only ever opened by him and it gives him the absolute rage that I would rather sit in the dark or leave the upstairs ones shut during the day!

[FusionChefGeoff]

But mitzik that's just cutting off your nose to spite your face!! If I did that to DH I'd never have any food to eat myself either!

[BarbedBloom]

I hate overhead lights as too much light hurts my eyes so I used to sit in the dark. We compromise now with lamps, which is fair enough.

My DH is pretty good actually, happy for me to have remote though I would rather listen to music. Our battle is over where certain things go around the house. He wants nothing on the middle counter in the kitchen to give more room to prepare food. But we only have one set of plugs which are above that counter and I don't want to have to move the kettle each time I want a drink. At the moment I guess I won as he has the clear counter and makes all the tea.

[BarbedBloom]

Forgot to say, our rubbish rental kitchen is huge but only has counters on one side of the room, which is also where the washing machine and fridge are, so we technically only have two small bits of counter space.

[medb22]

Oh, mine is inappropriate usage of kitchen roll vs the tea towel, and vice versa. Drying his hands? Kitchen roll. Mopping up water or juice or sauce from the floor? The tea towel. Which he then places back on the rack. Every bloody time. I change the towel three times a day now, because who knows what he’s used it for while I wasn’t looking.

[DeeplyMovingExperience]

My DH helpfully asks if there is anything he can do to help. So I tell him what things would be helpful, and he then does not do them.

He appears not to have any recollection the things he said he would do.

If I then go and do the thing myself, he magically appears and says, "I was going to do that!"

[MitziK]

@FusionChefGeoff

But mitzik that's just cutting off your nose to spite your face!! If I did that to DH I'd never have any food to eat myself either!

Thing is, once it's been out, I can't risk it. I'm immunosuppressed. so it's his loss, not mine, by that point, as he'd still be happy to eat it.

He's getting better at that one.

[AndNoneForGretchenWieners]

My DH used to say remotes were his territory because they fit in his hand nicely and I have child size hands. It used to really annoy me

[Ginfordinner]

maybe he can only see properly in interrogation level light... like me.

And me. I am very short sighted and can't see well in low light. YABU in this regard.

The milk thing would annoy me. The remote not so much.

[rosegoldwatcher]

@DeeplyMovingExperience

My DH helpfully asks if there is anything he can do to help. So I tell him what things would be helpful, and he then does not do them.

He appears not to have any recollection the things he said he would do.

If I then go and do the thing myself, he magically appears and says, "I was going to do that!"

Yes indeed!

Every so often I am asked to write a list of jobs-around-the-house for DH to work through. If I am lucky the one at the top (or the easiest one) will get done. He burns loses the list. I am asked to write a list...

[DeeplyMovingExperience]

If he asks me one more time to "write him a list" I will not be held responsible for my actions.

Does he seriously need step-by-step instructions to bring out step ladders and move 3 large rugs?

No. He does not. He just can't be bothered to LISTEN to his wife, and then can't be bothered to do the thing that would be helpful.

[BreconBeBuggered]

I have an ongoing silent battle over replacing the bath soap. DH will struggle on lathering up minute atoms of soap rather than reach out to the shelf unit right beside the bath to get a new bar from the pack. If I'm feeling especially stubborn I get body wash from the cupboard for myself, then put it away again afterwards.
I don't think I've won this battle yet. Maybe he sees it as being in the same category as toilet roll, where a ragged single sheet clinging to the cardboard counts as 'not empty' therefore not requiring the massive effort of stretching his right hand out for a new roll.

[AlexDrake1981]

Mine puts dirty dishes/pans etc on the kitchen counter... Directly above the dishwasher.