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AIBU to make this financial plan with DP.

(150 Posts)
Isthisfairornot Tue 23-Jun-20 19:04:30

So I have a house, 100K equity and one DC. I earn 40K.

DP does not have a house, no savings (debt in fact) no DC and earns 60K.

We want to buy a house together and share our loves. Obviously, for him, moving into a situation with a DC will result in him contributing towards higher costs (food, bills, house big enough for DC etc, he often buys things for DC etc). However, he cannot match my deposit.

Is it reasonable for me to put 50k into house (and keep £50k to spend on me and my DC) for holidays etc and out 50K deposit into our house. We would pay the same bills etc even though my DC will be living with us and pushing up costs and things like weekends away and holidays, we would split equally (I wouldn’t pay extra for DC).

Does this sound fair? I’m not at all concerned about him trying to take more of the deposit than he put in in the event of a split.

YABU - Our plan is awful and unfair to one of us.
YANBU - go ahead, this makes sense.

Thank you in advance.

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Isthisfairornot Tue 23-Jun-20 19:13:39

Anyone? Thoughts would be really helpful as it all feels quite overwhelming grin

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ShandlersWig Tue 23-Jun-20 19:14:36

I'd want to put £100k deposit down to enable us to buy a better house, but get it ring fenced so you keep it (as a %, not £) incase you split.
Blowing £50k on holidays and stuff feels wasteful.
Also, get a will that ensures you DC is protected if you die first otherwise it all could go to DP and he could re marry and your DC could end up with nothing.....

ShandlersWig Tue 23-Jun-20 19:16:05

And 100% you split costs in half. You dont pay 2 thirds just because of DC.

SadSisters Tue 23-Jun-20 19:16:37

Sorry, not sure I understand!

Are you suggesting that you fund the entire deposit, on the basis that your DP will contribute half of bills despite not being the father of your DC?

Personally I would have a solicitor ring-fence the deposit so that if you split you get that back and then you and your DP share the equity. Then if he is unhappy with contributing to half of the bills and expenses, you can work our some proportionate share that you’re both happy with.

Isthisfairornot Tue 23-Jun-20 19:18:22

Thank you for replying. I will definitely get a will.

I should’ve added, I’m going to die young due to a condition, so I’m not hugely concerned about planning for old age and love the idea of using the money to make loads of fantastic memories with DP and my DC. I wouldn’t be in the position to do that if DP and I hadn’t decided to live together grin he doesn’t care what I do, he’s really laid back.

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Aquamarine1029 Tue 23-Jun-20 19:18:55

He has NO savings and debt. I think you are crazy to even consider buying a home with him. Fgs, protect your financial future that you've worked so hard for.

Isthisfairornot Tue 23-Jun-20 19:19:40

Yes, I’d be funding the entire deposit, he has no money at all smile

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Isthisfairornot Tue 23-Jun-20 19:21:00

I know he looks awful on paper, he is terrible with money.. but he is genuinely honest person. I’m not concerned about him stealing half of my money, I’m really really not.

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Aquamarine1029 Tue 23-Jun-20 19:22:59

he has no money at all

This doesn't alarm or bother you? At all? You're happy with him riding your coattails with no resources to fall back on? He makes 60k a year yet is unable to save any money and had debt? He sounds like a cocklodger in the making. Why not just buy a home in your own and he can just live with you? If you break up it will be easy to get rid of him.

Ellisandra Tue 23-Jun-20 19:23:12

£60K a year, yet he has debt?
I wouldn’t be getting involved with him financially at all until that debt was paid off.
Sorry, not what you want to hear, I’m sure.
Unless you’re going to come back and explain it’s a small student loan or similar?

Are you really going to spend that £50K on you and your child? I’m sorry about your condition and I think it’s a great idea to prioritise experiences! But I wonder whether that £50K is going to also to spent on him? Which would be a mistake.

Ellisandra Tue 23-Jun-20 19:23:58

How does he have no money at all when he earns £60K?
That’s just ridiculous.

ShandlersWig Tue 23-Jun-20 19:24:50

So whats your query then if your set to spend the 50k, and trust him not to rip you off?

Is the 50/50 split?

Cloverforever Tue 23-Jun-20 19:25:29

What if he turns out to be rubbish with money (hence the no savings, no house and debt) and ends up not being able to afford half the bills? Or thinks Sky sports, the most expensive food etc are all necessities. Are you happy to still pay your half?

Just playing devils advocate. (I wouldn't do it in a million years after living with someone who was terrible with money)

Ellisandra Tue 23-Jun-20 19:25:34

Why are you even thinking about buying a house together anyway?

Let him move in with you, paying you a fair rent. See how that goes for a year before buying together. Including seeing how much of a dent he makes in his debt!

Isthisfairornot Tue 23-Jun-20 19:26:38

Oh Aquamarine1029 don’t say that, I was feeling so sure about it all grin in all honesty, I can see that he looks awful on paper. He is genuinely not a financial risk though. I’m not concerned.

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SoVeryLost Tue 23-Jun-20 19:27:01

Don’t do it. You need to make sure the money is tied up properly to ensure you DC doesn’t lose out. Honestly I wouldn’t buy with someone with debt or who couldn’t match my deposit, especially as he earns more than you and doesn’t have DC.
If he is terrible with money it makes sense to stick to a property that is in your name and you can support by yourself.

letmethinkaboutitfornow Tue 23-Jun-20 19:27:08


Yes, I’d be funding the entire deposit, he has no money at all smile

OP, that’s on it’s own a BIG red flag 🚩

SoVeryLost Tue 23-Jun-20 19:28:27


Oh Aquamarine1029 don’t say that, I was feeling so sure about it all grin in all honesty, I can see that he looks awful on paper. He is genuinely not a financial risk though. I’m not concerned.

Honestly how can you say he’s not a financial risk? How much debt does he have? How long until he clears it?

Isthisfairornot Tue 23-Jun-20 19:28:58

The debt is ridiculous, I know Especially given his financial situation. The debt is a car loan but he had no (or minimal savings). Gosh, I’m making him look bad. He’s lovely though grin

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00100001 Tue 23-Jun-20 19:30:36

How is he in debt with no savings earning £60k a year?

What has he spent it on?. How much debt are we talking?

How are you not slightly concerned?

Isthisfairornot Tue 23-Jun-20 19:30:44

SoVeryLost Why do you think it’s more risky because he earns more than me and doesn’t have a deposit.. I’m wondering if there’s something I haven’t thought of smile

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Aquamarine1029 Tue 23-Jun-20 19:30:52

He is genuinely not a financial risk though. I’m not concerned.

That's the most concerning thing I've read all day. Honestly, you sound as though you are in total denial. He's not a financial risk? He has zilch to his name plus debt. He's a financial disaster, never mind a risk. It's very alarming that you are not keeping the best interests of your child first.

00100001 Tue 23-Jun-20 19:31:19

So what does he spend all his money on at the moment??

crimsonlake Tue 23-Jun-20 19:31:33

Good god, sounds like in a disaster in the making. I agree with others, he is not a good bet financially. Protect yourself and your daughter and take your rose tinted glasses off please.

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