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Is this fair? Finances related.

(340 Posts)
Budbudbud Tue 23-Jun-20 16:37:56

Name changed for this.

Been with bf 2 years, he moved in at the start of the year, he owns a house I rent and have a 3 year old. It made sense for him to move in here because if it didnt work out I didnt want the upheaval of moving lots for my child.

I was already worried about coming off as a gold digger or grabby so was careful when we discussed finances, he earns more than me and his mortgage is less than my rent and I obviously have more out goings having a child.

He said he was going to rent out his house on air bnb (we live in a tourist place but since lockdown he hasn't been able to obviously). And save the money for a house deposit for us both.

I meet my bills every month but there is never very much to spare, he said seen as I meet the bills anyway and he will still have a house to pay for it's fair if he just pays some towards the food bill and I pay everything else.

So that's the situation except now hes said he cant give me any food money this month (despite eating more then me and 3 year old put together) as he only has £5 in his bank account and doesnt get paid till Tuesday. I just said fine you cant give what you dont have but was a bit pissed off.

He told me that on Saturday and has still managed to put £300 away in savings this.month which he does every month and apparently is non negotiable and he has put an extra £1500 in to some investment fund. But he doesn't have any money for food??

Am I being taken for a mug? I dont know how to talk to him about it if I am. He is really good in every other way, great with my child, caring, funny and does his share around the house. Is it fair if hes pulling his weight in other ways? I dont want to rock the boat if I'm being silly it just feels unfair I have nothing and he still gets to save £££ every month.

OP’s posts: |
Budbudbud Tue 23-Jun-20 16:40:03

He told me that on Saturday and has still managed to put £300 away in savings

That should read He told me that on saturday and has since let slip he has still...

That will teach me to proof read sorry.

OP’s posts: |
Anotheronetwo Tue 23-Jun-20 16:40:18

He needs to pay from his savings or leave. This isn't fair and shows his lack of respect for you.

HollowTalk Tue 23-Jun-20 16:41:20

Yes you are being taken for a mug.

This is something I couldn't forgive. He has used you. There would be no coming back from that for me. I would tell him to get out now. If he has nowhere to go, that's his hard luck.

UnfinishedSymphon Tue 23-Jun-20 16:41:53

He should be contributing to food AND bills

Purpleartichoke Tue 23-Jun-20 16:43:32

If he is living in your home he should be paying rent.

I have no idea how the fight for women’s equality got distorted into women being expected to take financial hits while their partners make money, but these threads seem to appear almost daily.

If he lives in the home he needs to pay to be there. If he won’t, he needs to leave.

Mmmmycorona Tue 23-Jun-20 16:44:22

Yanbu. This isn’t fair.

frazzledasarock Tue 23-Jun-20 16:44:32

His moving in with you means, your bills have gone up and your benefits have gone down eg you lose your single person council tax discount etc.

Kick him out he's taking you for a ride. and in future split bills fifty:fifty.

ThePants999 Tue 23-Jun-20 16:44:48

This is crap of him and YANBU for sure, but HollowTalk's post was just hilarious in its OTTness.

Elenorrigbywoes Tue 23-Jun-20 16:45:56

This doesn't sound like a fair or equal arrangement. You should be the one able to save money as you are now sharing your home with someone else. He should contribute towards the rent maybe 1/3 and half of bills.

Budbudbud Tue 23-Jun-20 16:46:12

He says if I met the Bill's anyway and he pays towards them then I'm profiting off him and he wont be able to save as much so that isnt fair? Part of me agrees with him and part of me thinks but they arent just my Bill's anymore

OP’s posts: |
frazzledasarock Tue 23-Jun-20 16:46:26

Why is Hollowtalks post OTT?

Lougle Tue 23-Jun-20 16:47:09

"he said seen as I meet the bills anyway and he will still have a house to pay for it's fair if he just pays some towards the food bill and I pay everything else."

That's crazy, right there.

frazzledasarock Tue 23-Jun-20 16:47:52

So, what about the bills he used to meet when he lived alone? wheres the money that he used to spend on his own bills going?

He should give that money to you at the very least as part of his contribution because he will be spending it anyway to live on when he lived alone. No?

Elenorrigbywoes Tue 23-Jun-20 16:48:40

He is using water and electricity and eating your food so it increasing your bills - why does he expect to live somewhere for free and then increase his own investments and savings. He is the only one profiting in this scenario.

MaggieFS Tue 23-Jun-20 16:49:19

Yes, sorry, you are. He should be able to pay for half the bills and his share of food as a matter of course.

Then anything left could go into his savings.

If he's receiving Airbnb income, anything over and above his mortgage costs should go into JOINT savings.

BirdyCheepCheep Tue 23-Jun-20 16:49:25

Omg what a cf. If he truly thinks that this is fair, I'd run for the hills as it'll be like this with everything. Very selfish.

millymoo1202 Tue 23-Jun-20 16:49:27

Yes you are, why on earth would he not feed himself! Get rid before you are too far in

babycakes1010 Tue 23-Jun-20 16:49:50

He's taking the would he of fed himself if he lived alone....he's just using you to boost his savings

LusciousV Tue 23-Jun-20 16:50:33

Definite not fair OP. The fact he has a house of his own is irrelevant, he's choosing to live with you and therefore, should pay his way. Don't let him away with it x

elessar Tue 23-Jun-20 16:50:55

Yes he's completely taking the piss!

So he earns more than you and has a mortgage less than your rent... yet he's not contributing anything to rent, bills or even food this month?

Ok the CV situation has made it tricky for him to rent his property but he should still be contributing to the bills as well as food at the minimum. His bills will have gone down as he's not been heating or lighting the house, and he shouldn't need things like sky TV or wifi at the moment.

Anyway things are starting up again now so he should be able to rent out his place.

I would be suggesting he should at this point contribute a fair share towards rent and the bills, including food. And no excuses - paying bills comes before putting into savings! That's so cheeky.

MaggieFS Tue 23-Jun-20 16:51:11

Just saw your update. You wouldn't be profiting from him, you would be sharing! Yes you'd be better off (a bit) but that's how it works. As it stands, if he's not even covering his own food, he's the one profiting!!!

SlipperyLizard Tue 23-Jun-20 16:51:24

Get rid of him, he’s costing you money for food and is taking you for a mug.

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite Tue 23-Jun-20 16:52:05

Yep, he is totally taking you for a mug. I would ask him to leave because he isn't treating you with respect. He benefits financially from moving in with you. You receive no financial benefits - you actually lose out on discounted Council Tax.

If he lived in his own place he would be paying the mortgage, Council Tax, Insurance, Gas, Electricity, Telephone, TV Licence, TV Subscription plus food. Now he is just paying for food. He's quids in.

Skyliner001 Tue 23-Jun-20 16:52:33

If he is living with you full time, then he needs to pay half your rent. How he gets that money, either through renting his property out full-time, or through renting it out on Airbnb… It's his problem. He also needs to pay for half all of the bills. Otherwise he is taking you for a mug I'm afraid.

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