To be upset I feel like I have been made to look like an idiot

[Indigodizzy]

I feel so upset and really stupid but don't know if I'm overreacting.

Just had a huge argument with DH because a woman has been texting him again. This is a supposedly joint friend, however DH has just informed me that she is actually not my friend at all

This woman has a habit of texting DH. DH says that it's just quick snippets of information, nothing long, but he refuses to show me the messages, even though he knows how upset I am about it. He said he wouldn't show me messages from anyone, not just her.

I feel so hurt and used. To he honest I feel like I've been made a fool of by both of them. DH has pushed me into being friends with her, I've invited her on days out, looked after her children having her so much in childcare over the years.

But then whenever there's something happening or she wants to know something, she will always message DH. It's honestly not jealousy, it's just more a case of why would she do that?

I've told DH that's fine if he doesn't want to show me the messages but to have some self-respect, I won't be having anything to do with her anymore. No more being overly kind, offering her my children's old stuff, childcare, nothing.

Am I over-reacting? I just feel so sad and mad at both of them

[ShadowMane]

i dont think we should share everything when part of a couple. But... why wont he show you the messages if there is nothing to be concerned about

[Indigodizzy]

@ShadowMane it's not so much the messages, I agree, I don't really care. It's more that the fact that everything is such a secret and then I feel like I'm being used while they're giggling behind my back or at least that's what it feels like.

[MysteriesOfTheOrganism]

His behaviour seems like a red flag to me. I can really understand why you're upset with both of them.

[Fanthorpe]

No you’re not over-reacting. He’s acting oddly.

Unless you’re a really controlling person who doesn’t respect his boundaries, but you don’t sound like that. It sounds like he’s set you up to be honest. Do they see one another when you’re not there?

[Nottherealslimshady]

What? Is she saying nasty things about your or flirting/sexting or literally just talking?

[HollowTalk]

I would not be babysitting her children for her! I heard of a woman who would get her boyfriend's wife to do that while they both went out.

Are you otherwise happy with this man? He doesn't sound very nice at all.

[frazzledasarock]

So he pushed you to be her 'friend' such that you take care of her children and do things for you. What does she offer in return?

You husband sounds like a dickhead. They're having an affair and you're providing childcare.

What are the positives about your husband?

[Sunnydayshereatlast]

So he has put protecting his secret relationship with her over his dw's feelings?
Have you got a few suitcases op??
Get him gone..

[lilyboleyn]

They both sound like jerks to be honest. Does he always treat you with such disdain? Perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate whether he treats you the way you deserve to be treated, and if he doesn’t you need to LTB.

[Branleuse]

Hes acting strange.

[Thisismytimetoshine]

Very very concerning that he's claiming she's his friend, not yours . How childlike.

[Newwayofthinking]

They are taking the piss, tell him to get fucked...

[perfumeistooexpensive]

You are not overreacting. If he had nothing to hide he would be showing you the texts and sharing a giggle over them. If a man is being secretive, he's got a secret. I know from experience!

[AnyFucker]

Why are you so passive?

Thry are making a fool of you and very likely having an affair in plain sight.

[Sunnydayshereatlast]

Sounds like lines have already been crossed and he has smugly told you she is his and nothing to do with you..

[tillytoodles1]

My daughter's ex friend used to get her to look after the kids, so she could shag my daughter's ex husband in peace.

[itsgettingweird]

Sounds odd.

If I'm with my ds who's a teen and someone texts me I'll often comment to him on text if it's just snippets of information.

The only time I don't share is if it's personal and private. So that's a red flag to me

[passthemustard]

He's not showing you for a reason.

[Oliversmumsarmy]

I would not be babysitting her children for her! I heard of a woman who would get her boyfriend's wife to do that while they both went out

My first thoughts too

[ButteryPuffin]

Let me guess, she doesn't return the childcare favour?
No, you're not overreacting. He's saying he prioritises her feelings over yours. I wouldn't be doing anything else for him either, never mind her.

[GinDrinker00]

Sounds like he’s cheating sorry OP.

[megrichardson]

Don't worry about looking like an idiot, start figuring how best to create a future for yourself and your children. Do you work? Have you an income at all? Do you own your home with your DH?

[SunbathingDragon]

You’re not overreacting. Is your relationship worth this?

[Pikachubaby]

You won’t give her your old clothes and toys anymore?

That’ll teach her

Not

She’s after the husband, not the clothes....

[DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult]

It's a tricky one. They were friends first, so I get why she texts him over you about things. If my dp demanded to see messages of mine I would probably tell him to get fucked as well.

Obviously something is making you feel uneasy though, as we only have one side of the story I can't tell if its them hiding something or him reacting to you being jealous and controlling.