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Snarky SIL / Unsupportive partner

(8 Posts)
maisiemagic Tue 23-Jun-20 08:41:00

NC for this.Sorry, I'm not sure if there is an acronym for partners sister so I'll call her SIL.
'Im being bullied'sounds a bit pathetic in this situation..but i can't think of a better word for it. SILs relationship broke down the month i met DP. SIL seemed, not surprisingly, depressed..she said her DP went off with a younger woman (her DP was 10 years her junior) and they have 2 DC. From the outset SIL was oddly strange with me..blanking me when i tried to make polite coversation, glaring at me and making odd snarky comments. always related to my in middle of conversation about the weather she'd suddenly ask if i ever wore makeup then when i replied not often she'd pull a face and say it doesnt suit everybody anyway, again mid conversation about a totally different subject bring up a previous job id once had (considered an unusual/desirable job i suppose) and sniff that you didnt need to be attractive to do it etc etc.Comments always in same vein. My hairstyle, my weight (both boringly normal) Its not like she was transferring her hate for her DPs younger OW to me because Im almost same age as SIL. This went on for a couple of years and over time comments got worse and more personal..each time tho, related to appearance..i didnt tell DP. I wondered if she might think id 'stolen' her brother so encouraged him to have more contact with her, send texts or phone. He didn't bother. I kept trying to be polite in the face of the odd comments...taking a polite interest when she spoke about her job or DC...speaking to her in a friendly way etc.Over time she started to make comments within earshot of others, including in my own home while stuffing down the lunch id made her. Then came the meddling..DP got drunk and was verbally abusive to his friend..this caused us to argue and me to considering ending the relationship .SIL sent me a text (she never has before) which before opening I presumed would be to try and make excuses for her brothers drunken behaviour (not that she should) but when I read it I was shocked to find the text was her having a go at which point id had enough..told DP about the 'bullying' id been subject to for several years and he said he'd noticed some of it..but done nothing, he hadn't wanted to upset her or cause a fuss. AI (or rather Was I) unreasonable for feeling he let me down? Surely he could have had a quiet word when he first noticed or even a light-hearted comment just to let her know he'd noticed. I just feel sad he saw me having to sit and be on the receiving end of nastiness and did nothing. Ended as these things often do apparently (according to google) I called her out on her behavior and she cried and painted me as a bully. Ended now and looking back it all just seems pathetic but i wonder in retrospect if i was being overly sensitive or to expecting too much for my partner to have intervened? Also, AIBU to think her behavior was strange? Ended the relationship for other more serious reasons, but feel like I've just exited some odd parallel universe and trying to make sense of it all, even the minor bits as above.

OP’s posts: |
RickOShay Tue 23-Jun-20 08:47:11

Her behaviour was all to do with how she felt about herself. HER insecurities, HER regrets, HER pain.
It had absolutely no reflection on you, and I hope you haven’t internalised anything she ever said to you. Strangely though it felt very personalised, it was completely depersonalised.
I’m sorry you went through that, and I know the feeling of a parallel universe well. Keep being you, it’s ok to be you, don’t let this experience wobble you, it’s all her stuff. flowers

RickOShay Tue 23-Jun-20 08:48:11

And yes he did let you down.

Needsomehelphere Tue 23-Jun-20 09:00:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TabbyMumz Tue 23-Jun-20 09:00:16

It takes a really really unhappy person to say nasty comments like that to anyone. All you can do is feel sorry for her as she must have been miserable. She was jealous of you to the core to be making comments about not wearing make up etc. You are better off out of it. Some people go through life hating others and it's just not worth it.

Needsomehelphere Tue 23-Jun-20 09:03:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MUM2019MARVEL Tue 23-Jun-20 09:03:38

Yea I have to agree with @RickOShay the minipulative way you said she would comment..and the things she commented about smacks of jealousy. In all honesty she probably hated that she had to wear make up everyday and work harder to stay trim and you effortlessly could look good and also that you weren't insecure probably annoyed her more. Also your partner didn't do much to help matters knowingly ignoring a problem and not helping you when you needed him (what a door knob) it's probably a good thing you ended it even if it was for other reasons. Try not to let it stay on your mind but learn from it and don't let anyone talk down to you like they're above you. We're all human. :D

LuluBellaBlue Tue 23-Jun-20 09:13:00

Just be glad you’re away from a clearly messed up family!!

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